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June 2013 Weddings

XP Lots to deal with

I know my wedding isn't until next year, but it's been so stressful lately.

My fiancee' has been very ill. They just diagnosed him with severe fibromyalgia, and it's more likely for him not to even be able to get out of bed, then to do anything else. He had to take a leave from work, and we have no idea how long it will be until he is "normal" again.

That's left most of everything, including the wedding planning up to me. So I started early, and have been doing a lot of DIY just to be able to get the necessary stuff done early, and without putting so much off until the last minute.

We found a lovely venue, and I "built" most of my wedding around the location. Our theme, and decor, etc. Well, the manager we were working with took off with our money, and I'm sure others too, and since then I have had to deal with them denying us what we contracted for, and adding many things on, including fees that we were never told about, and changing our timeline, including not allowing us in early to decorate, which leaves me in a lurch, because I have to either give it up, or try to come up with even more money to pay someone to decorate.

We finally decided to change our venue. We just aren't comfortable staying, and have serious trust issues with that place, but our new venue doesn't have our date available, and we can't bring in much of what I made for the other place. They only allow their linens, etc.

So, it's like starting over. A new image, a new plan, a new look, and a new date. Plus he isn't any better, and I am just really tired.

And then, after making this decision, and moving on........the old venue calls today with new management and wants to make amends, and get us to return there. We already decided not to.....too much bad karma for us at this point, but I wish I would have known then, what I know now.

Oh, and a member of my bridal party is being difficult. She has five kids, and a busy schedule, and I get that, but she really pushed wanting to be in the wedding, and so I asked her. She is related, and I had family on my case about it. I don't have any issue with her lifestyle, (not my business, I get it), but when I called her to see if she was available on the new date, (Just asking), she yelled at me about how busy her kids were, and that it would conflict with her daughters soccer game, and that she would "show up and walk", but not to "expect her to do one more thing".....no rehearsal, etc. "Just put me in the middle of the lineup and I'll follow along." I never asked her anything except would it be ok with you if we had to change to this date, and are you available.

I had no other "expectations" of her anyway, but there was a part of me that wanted to ask if she really wanted to be in this wedding as it always seems like it's a huge imposition in her life, but it could just be that I'm tired, and taking it too personally. And no, I didn't say anything. Just thanked her and hung up.

Sorry for ranting, ladies. Just needed a place to say it. I hope the rest of you are having a good evening.
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Re: XP Lots to deal with

  • kwebb17kwebb17 member
    Eighth Anniversary 10 Comments
    edited September 2012
    Thats so stressful.. I'm sorry you have all that to deal with! I'm sending good wishes to you and your FI for things to get better. Just try to remember at the end of it all you'll be married and that's the best part :) I know that doesn't fix what you're currently dealing with, but hopefully it's a light at the end of the tunnel at least! 

    You can always vent here.. we're here for you!
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  • Thats so stressful, I am so sorry you are having to deal with all of this. I remember reading your post on the Detroit board, and am happy to see you decided to change venues. I agree, too much bad karma, and it seems like this place is constantly changing ownership, whats not to say it will change again before your wedding.

    As far as the BM, I would boot her. I am always really quick to say this when a BM starts causing problems. The wedding is still a ways out, and you will most likely have more problems with her later on. Even if you dont have high expectations for her, she should still want to stand up and support you. A bridal party is supposed to be the women that support you the most, not to "show up and walk" I would say you know BM, it seems like you have a lot on your plate, maybe it is best if you are just a guest. You never know, she could be relieved.
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  • Life sure is putting you and your FI through the wringer right now, Megannie! I'm so sorry.

    My husband suffered with severe depression in the beginning years of our marriage. There were weeks he wouldn't/couldn't get out of bed, not even to go to work regularly. It was awful for all of us and not all friends and family are compassionate about something they can't actually SEE. I'm not saying that your friends and family are like that, just saying mine didn't understand the disease and weren't always nice about why he wasn't up supporting his family and taking care of business. It was an added stress to it all.

    I do hope all this straightens up for you, that this new venue turns out AMAZING, and the cranky bridesmaid looses the attitude!

    Julie
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  • You poor thing! This is a lot to be dealing with on your own... I'm glad you came here to vent, it's always good to let it out. 

    All I can say is that you might want to take a little break from the planning. Just take a step back for a week or two so you can catch your breath and clear your head. Making decisions in a stressed state of mind will not make things any better in the long run. You say you're tired, then listen to your body and rest. You will know when its time to start back up again and you will feel so much better when you do. 

    In the meantime, ignore that cranky BM. Sounds like you could take her or leave her when it comes to your bridal party. And let me remind you that this is YOUR wedding! Pick the date you want and don't worry about who is available to be your BM. The girls in your life who are willing to stand with you will be there no matter what day it is. And they will all understand the circumstances regarding your need to change the date, venue, etc. Bottom line, do not let this woman or her kids or their schedule dictate your wedding day. That is BS! And, this could be your out in terms of a no-fault elimination, catch my drift?

    So, take a breath. Rest your mind for a week or two and focus on your well being and your FI's. I am so sorry that he is ill. Clearing your energy and ridding your mind of stress will help him rest too and hopefully see him start improving. 

    Take care!

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  • I'm sor sorry to here all this. I agree with PP, take a little break from wedding planning. Enjoy some quality time with you FI, maybe spend some time with friends (other than grump bridesmaid), and maybe that will help you feel better. I hope that everything works out, and as always, feel free t let it out here whenever you need a little release. Good luck.
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  • I am so sorry you are going through all these right now! And I completely agree with the PPs, even though it's probably hard not to think about all the wedding details, it might be a good thing to just take a little bit of time off, to relax and spend time with your FI and friends. I hope everything starts coming around for you and your FI soon!!!
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  • Aww, Meg, I'm sorry. I agree that taking a few weeks off form wedding stuff is probably good. 

    As for your BM, I'd offer to go grab coffee when it's good for her, let her vent about her kids and life as it sounds like maybe she's very stressed too. Then instead of just booting her, maybe offer her to option to step down if she thinks it'll be too much for her to take on to stay in the wedding. 

    Good luck with the new venue. I hope you can work out what you need to make it work for you guys. And just remember, no matter what happens, you'll still get to marry your FI and that what really counts. 

    Chin up girl!
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  • I'm sorry you have so much to deal with by yourself. I hope your FI gets better and can help you out. I do agree with the girls taking a break from wedding planning does sound like it might do you some good. Spending some time with you FI might just help calm things down a little bit. I really hope that things get better for you and you can enjoy your wedding planning more than stress about it. It's ridiculous how much stress and money couples go through for their wedding. I mean if we all lived in a perfect world we wouldn't have to worry about money and all the other things going on in our lives while planning a wedding, but we don't live in a perfect world and it sucks to have to go through what we do sometimes. I really do hope things get better for you and your FI. You always have a place to vent on this board, and there will always be people here to cheer you up/ help you through what you're going through! I really hope things get better.
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  • I can't really add anything else to what has already been said. Sounds like you guys are really gettting put throught the ringer and I'm sorry you are having to deal with all of the wedding/BM chaios on top of your FI's illness. I would do as others suggested, and just take a step back from the wedding planning for a few weeks, maybe a month, and just focus on you and your FI. *Hugs* to you, I can't even imagine how stressed you must be!

  • Hang in there Meg...I'll add my good thoughts for you and your FI to everyone else's.  The powers that be never give you more than you can handle so you must be one strong woman!!!!
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  • I'm so sorry to hear this and all that you ate having to deal with. I hope things turn around for you soon and just remember in the end as long as you are married it will all be fine. As for the difficult BM I would just tell her she doesn't need to be there at all. You don't need her attitude on top of what you are going through.
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