Don't see her dad. Just because he moves closer, it doesn't obligate her to see him. Especially if he's insensitive and arrogant.
Dear Prudie,
I am the mother of 14-year-old twin girls. It took three torturous years of infertility treatment for me to get pregnant. Then my husband and I were told that I was carrying quintuplets! We explored all the ramifications of this pregnancy and got wise counsel from our doctor and our spiritual adviser. Because we feared total miscarriage or severe disability for one or more of the babies we decided on selective abortion and reduced the number of fetuses from five to two. This too was a torturous process emotionally and physically. Our families were very supportive and after our daughters were born we asked them not to share the fact of the selective abortion with them. Everyone agreed except my father who says family secrets are unhealthy. I told him that whether to tell the girls and when was up to my husband and me. He responded that he couldn’t promise that he would not tell, which is typical of his insensitivity and arrogance. He lives quite a distance away and I’ve had limited contact with him ever since. Now he plans on moving closer and the issue has come up again. I don’t think the girls are ready to hear this, and part of me doesn’t ever want to tell them. They do know I had infertility treatments. What should I do?
—Enraged Daughter, Protective Mom