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Wedding Woes

Procrastinating fiance

Our wedding is June 22, a very busy time of the year, my fiance just doesn't get it, he thinks we don't have to book or plan anything now and wants to wait, because he wants to pay for the whole wedding but he doesn't understand the importance of at least reserving things ahead. my mom and I have booked this site for the ceremony and reception and he didn't understand why I explained that everywhere else was already booked and we got the last spot at this site. He got over that, now we had found a caterer and he wanted to wait on that, my mom called them and found out that they had already booked up for that day, but he squeezed us in since our ceremony is in the morning.  When it comes to the traditions (garter, flowers, etc) he says why do we have to have those and why do you have to buy your dress your only going to wear it once.  Now that i am down to the wedding favors, invitations and flowers, i am leary on even planning for them beacause i am dreading the response. I just don't understand why he is acting like this, He is excited for the wedding he is always talking to his friends about it and how wonderful i's going to be but when it comes to me not so much.

Re: Procrastinating fiance

  • Do you really need his input on things like favors, invites, and flowers?  I'd do that stuff alone.  I sure didn't involve my DH in any of that stuff other than, "Which one do you like better?" Most men really, really don't care about those things.

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  • I started these things a few weeks ago and he said not to finalize anything because he wanted to make sure they looked good i'm still waiting, when i ask him to sit down and look at what i have done (i'm designing all the invites) he says why does it have to be done now.
  • WzzWzz member
    2500 Comments 250 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    if he doesn't care about that stuff, then just do it and let him know what you've done when you plan for it. did you guys talk about how much money you expected to pay, and where that money would be allocated? it sonds like you both have a different idea on what your budget should be.
  • tawillerstawillers member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited January 2013
    Is his concern that you guys don't have the money for the deposits/other items right now or does he just not understand that by not booking now, vendors will be gone?

    It sounds like you guys need to have a discussion about this.  I would explain to him that you're not overreacting, you're just reserving your date.

    However, it also sounds like you guys have different expectations of this wedding.  Him thinking you don't need to buy a dress for one day is the complete opposite of the wedding you are planning.

  • Also, I would explain to him that if he doesn't think you should be doing things now while you have time (like the invites), he will be expected to do these things when the time DOES arrive.  For a June 22 wedding, assuming you'll want the RSVPs two weeks prior, invites will need to go out mid-May.

    I am the type of person to get stuff done, so I understand where you are coming from.  It would be nice to have the details worked out now, so that you're not worried about them later.  I get it.

  • I guess I'm not a nice person because I wouldn't put up with the BS of having him approve things. He's an engineer, isn't he?  My stepdad is an engineer and wanted to approve and overanalyze every detail too.
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  • We have talked about the budget. It is a simple outdoor wedding, the biggest budget was the catering and that doesn't require a deposit and doesn't get charged till the day of which is cool, most of the wedding i am doing myself for very little cost, i think he feels that it is all jus t going to materialize by itself.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_procrastinating-fiance?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:36803216-0952-42df-a3c2-a9d7b0d8d7d3Post:29f34d5e-302d-44a5-be1b-90c256447a86">Re: Procrastinating fiance</a>:
    [QUOTE]Is his concern that you guys don't have the money for the deposits/other items right now or does he just not understand that by not booking now, vendors will be gone? It sounds like you guys need to have a discussion about this.  I would explain to him that you're not overreacting, you're just reserving your date. However, it also sounds like you guys have different expectations of this wedding.  Him thinking you don't need to buy a dress for one day is the complete opposite of the wedding you are planning.
    Posted by tawillers[/QUOTE]

    <div>He doesn't realize that the vendors will be gone by the time he gets around to doing stuff.  I told him what dress i wanted to begin with and he was cool with it now that i have it he is acting like it's the end of the world and my parents pitched in and bought it because they wanted to do something.</div>
  • jennifer86004jennifer86004 member
    First Comment
    edited January 2013
    i'm a graphic design student so i designed multiple invites already just waiting on him to pick which one he likes, I still haven't even gotten an ok for the save the dates, aghhh... 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_procrastinating-fiance?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:36803216-0952-42df-a3c2-a9d7b0d8d7d3Post:dc6f9008-25e4-453b-aa9b-05f9fad0e807">Re: Procrastinating fiance</a>:
    [QUOTE]I guess I'm not a nice person because I wouldn't put up with the BS of having him approve things. He's an engineer, isn't he?  My stepdad is an engineer and wanted to approve and overanalyze every detail too.
    Posted by alikatt17[/QUOTE]
    LOL nope he is an Electrician, that analyzes everything.As of right now I have everything set in stone except for the florist which i meet with next week and an officiant (which will probably be a friend)
  • WzzWzz member
    2500 Comments 250 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    you could skip the save the dates if it is just causing you grief over having to consult with hiim on a design. the wedding invites go out in a couple of months, so why not just save the postage and just send your invitations out when you have to.

    ultimately, if this is how his personality is, then i am not sure if he's going to change. i would cut any details that he doesn't care about, or just get the details done on your own. if he doesn't care about the details then his input is not evennecessary (unless he told you he doesnt want to spend money on certain things - then it's just snealky to go behind him back).

    he sounds like he just wants to get married. and i agree with him, all these details are not going to make it happen just because you have them.

    pick your favorite 3 wedding invitations, ask him during dinner which one is his favorite, and go with that one. it's not rocket surgery. stop going to him with every decision that needs to be made (like your dress) and i bet you'll both be a lot happier.
  • Maybe I'm going off on a tangent here. But I would work on you guys' resolution conflict. If you can't bring up issues that are important to you because you're worried about the way he responds during conflict, thats a huge red flag. But to answer your question, there are a lot of things that men just see differently than women. Flowers, garters, favors and colors are some of those things. Lol, our colors are lavender and pearl, he called them purple and white for 5 months. Now he just stops trying. Lol! At first, I felt really discouraged like he didn't even care about the details. But it's really not that they don't care, it's just that they don't get it. Like I don't get why a huge muddy truck is so great. So, I accepted that and just worked on those details with my mom and he offers his input on the stuff he does get excited about, like music, food and cake.
    "Love is like a butterfly; It goes where it pleases and pleases where it goes" David & Roxy March 2, 2013 Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_procrastinating-fiance?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:36803216-0952-42df-a3c2-a9d7b0d8d7d3Post:51d6529d-2185-4818-bdc2-d1cb7fa8f6df">Re: Procrastinating fiance</a>:
    [QUOTE]you could skip the save the dates if it is just causing you grief over having to consult with hiim on a design. the wedding invites go out in a couple of months, so why not just save the postage and just send your invitations out when you have to. ultimately, if this is how his personality is, then i am not sure if he's going to change. i would cut any details that he doesn't care about, or just get the details done on your own. if he doesn't care about the details then his input is not evennecessary (unless he told you he doesnt want to spend money on certain things - then it's just snealky to go behind him back). he sounds like he just wants to get married. and i agree with him, all these details are not going to make it happen just because you have them. pick your favorite 3 wedding invitations, ask him during dinner which one is his favorite, and go with that one. it's not rocket surgery. stop going to him with every decision that needs to be made (like your dress) and i bet you'll both be a lot happier.
    Posted by Wzz[/QUOTE]<div>I asked him if we could just do a quick ceremony at the court house he said he wanted us to have a real wedding.  He knows what is entailed i don't hide things from him. When our friends tell him the same things i tell him need to be done he listens to them just not me.  I understands he works full time and is exhausted at the end of the day, but I m a SAHM, a full time student, and trying to plan a wedding, all during the day a little help and understanding would be nice.

    </div>
  • WzzWzz member
    2500 Comments 250 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    i don't understand what any of that means. he wants the wedding that you also want, with all the details, but doesn't want to plan it? so plan the details yourself. i think this is a situation that you're creating on your own and it doesn't need to be so stressful.

    if you don't have time for the details also, being a SAHM and a student, then stop sweating the small stuff and go with whatever might look nice. this is unnecessary stress over nothing that matters at all.
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