Making it official and having the ceremony later.

FleurdeLaDay · January 2013

I was watching 4 weddings the other day and 1 bride was already married but on the 1 year anniversary of her getting married she had her actual wedding ceremony. I thought this was a great idea and I'm strongly considering it but after speaking with a few other people some have discouraged me against it saying that you need that engagement and wedding planning time to "solidify" the relationship process. For example, I have a friend who got engaged (valentines day) and married (end of Fed) within 2 weeks after dating for 2 years and living together for 1 year and he and his ex-wife planned to have the cereony later. They moved to a different state for economic opportunities and were separated and going through divorce proceedings by June/July. When speaking to him he felt like things were rushed and he should have had that engagement time before marriage. Any thoughts?

keyaira04 · January 2013

There are so many things to consider in answering your question...

My overall advice for ladies would be, I think you and FI need to think, pray, and agree on it. At the end of the day, you have to do what is the best for the two of you. You two, along with God, are the only ones in your marriage.

For me, we went back and forth with this convo for a year. Different state, different career opportunities/paths, different emotions, different reasons...all these things played into the convo. Yes, I am very glad we waited and had a 2 year engagement. We needed to be in the season God prepared for us. It took planting, sowing, reaping to get here. We needed counseling. We needed prayer and long conversations. We needed time. However, our experience should not discount those that have been together for a long while and do not see the need to have long engagements nor those that were called to get married 2 months after dating. Also, somewhere I read engagements are typically 6 months. The church -- at least when we were researching and going through counseling -- recommends shorter than this (2-4 months) just based on resisting tempation.

There is always going to be a chance for divorce/separation. But the is also a chance you may be lovers for life that never part. You go to do what is best for ya'll. Period.

TL25 · January 2013

Very well said Key.
It should definitely depend on what's best for you guys. FI wanted to get married right away and have a 1 year anniversary celebration but I didn't want to go that route. I felt like I would be missing something. I wanted all the excitement of being wed and celebrating in one day. We ultimately decided to wait a year.

MrsBad13 · January 2013

I agree with pp. I am so happy that i decided to go this route. I think it helps me and FI stay grounded and is teaching us about having patients, having a plan and helping us agree to disagree on things. God willing im hoping to only have to experience wedding planning one time and so I dont want to miss out on it. Even tho it a stressful and overwhelming thing its also exciting and fun. Overall you and FI have to decided whats best for yall situation, pray about. Everything will workout.

thedivav · January 2013

you and your fiance need to do what is best for you and your family *and by family i mean the two of yall*

the wedding is just a day

a fun pretty extra sparkly day but it is just a day in a long line of days in your marriage

it is about the two of you and the love you share not any one else

[Deleted User] · January 2013

I kinda feel like the day you're married IS your ceremony. anything the couple does after that is absolutely up to them but it shouldn't be called a wedding, your wedding was the day you get married. whatever follows could be a lovely party or a lunch or gathering, any word except wedding or ceremony.

gmg75241 · January 2013

We were married 6 months prior to our actual ceremony and reception because of some issues that required us to be married then. Originally we had planned to wait until the actual day 7 months later but we did not. We were engaged february 2012, went to courthouse june 2012, and had ceremony and reception november 2012. We didnt have any problems and people understood. So whatever works for you guys is what you should do. Good luck!

M1ssJ · January 2013

Key and Sultry hit the nails for me.

I would say before your wedding ( the day you get married) you should do premarital counseling of some nature. Be it 2 meetings with a therapist or 6 months with your pastor , you need some perspective on the road ahead. Marriage is not easy. It is enjoyable but not easy. Engagements are different for everyone but should 100% be used to prepare you for your marriage and not for your wedding.

I also think it should be clear to your guests that the celebration is just that and you are already married. It feels sneaky to me when ppl dont disclose that

thedivav · January 2013

More than likely i will be married by the time we have the wedding because of laws in Alabama Won't tell the family if that's sneaky so be it but that's how it will go down

M1ssJ · January 2013

diva I always wonder... why not tell that you're already married?

zantster · February 2013

I vote for waiting. You can always move up the date. If you get married in the US then having another ceremony later is like re-enacting something that you've already done for other people to see. But it's not real. It's like acting in a play if you're already married with costumes and an after-party. The exception would be a place like France where the government does not recognize church weddings so by law everyone has to get married twice, once in the church and once at the courthouse to make it legal. Not telling people makes it seem like you're ashamed of what people will think of you being already married and that they might not take it as seriously. I wouldn't want to have to consider that.

Making it official and having the ceremony later.

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