Angry Friends Who Think They Should Be Bridesmaids - Please Help!

anni1987 · January 2013

Problem solved - thanks anyway!

Maggie0829 · January 2013

First, I think it is crap when a FI asks their bride to include their sister. If they want them included they can ask them to stand on their side. No one should have control over your side of the wedding party except you and your FI asking you to include his sister was rude.

Second, so Nancy moved away and made new friends. What did you expect her to do? Be a hobbit and never leave her house or talk to anyone new? So her having new friends pissed you off because you were no longer her primary friend? That is incredibly insensitive of you and your other friends. People are allowed to have more then one group of friends.

Third, you wanted to include Laceine but having even sides was more important. Are you kidding me? Why not take a look at a thread a few posts down and see how well your reasoning goes over. Your sides do not hvae to be even. You should ask your nearest and dearest to be in your wedding. Screw numbers.

Honestly, you caused most of this drama yourself. You need to apologize to your friends for being insensitive and going all bridezilla for a minute.

msuprincess04 · January 2013

Ignore all of the drama and don't talk wedding with them. First, you don't explain your reasons for not choosing someone. No one likes a list of why they aren't good enough. If she asks, refuse to feed the drama and change subject. You don't owe anyone an explanation. Second, choose who you want in your wedding. Your closest friends and family. Numbers don't matter. But I think you already know that. Third, don't pick your wedding party more than 8months before the wedding. And certainly not before you have a date. The key is this. If you don't talk wedding, then they can't force awkward wedding related conversations. Just leave it at that and you'll be fine.

OliveOilsMom · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_angry-friends-who-think-they-should-be-bridesmaids-please-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:8d32fd82-33c6-448d-a6f0-bf141d5a36afPost:62d7e129-d828-427e-934f-fced2ac7271c">Angry Friends Who Think They Should Be Bridesmaids - Please Help!</a>:
[QUOTE]So I'm really at my wit's end and have no idea what to do. I'd love some input from other brides on how they think I should handle this situation. Over the years I have been close with a group of three other girls - "Brittany," with whom I am now roommates, "Nancy," and "Laceine." Nancy moved away a couple of years ago and got a new group of friends, leaving the rest of us (especially me, since she was my best friend at the time) with a lot of hurt feelings. Laceine has a tendency to be very mean and very pessimistic, so although Brittany and I do still see her often, we keep in mind that her involvement in anything changes the whole tone and atmosphere. I recently got engaged to the man of my dreams and was thrilled to begin planning my wedding. We had planned on four attendants each, and given that I have two sisters and he has one (who he specifically asked me to include), I had only had one spot free for a non-blood relation. I chose Brittany, who will be my maid of honor. I had planned to call or meet with Laceine to explain why she wasn’t in the group and make sure there were no hurt feelings, and I honestly didn’t think Nancy would be upset at all since she has by her own choice long since moved on. It's only been three weeks since our engagement, but already Nancy has called to tell me how upset she is that she wasn't the first person I called about wedding plans and the engagement and that she expected to be included as soon as "something big happened" in my life. For the last couple of years I've known that things have changed and I wouldn't plan on having her as a bridesmaid when I got married. I did feel somewhat bad about not having Laceine and wanted to talk to her to explain, but now I've heard from another friend that Laceine is telling everyone how upset she is that I haven't already asked her to be a bridesmaid and how I had always said she'd be included; apparently she's planning to call and confront me, although she hasn't yet. The hard part is, my fiance has decided to add a fifth attendant to his group, so I could ask one of them if I so chose. However, I'm so hurt by their reactions and anger towards me that at this point I don't know whether I'd genuinely want either of them standing up with me. There are probably no circumstances under which I'd ask Nancy. If I don’t ask Laceine, then I have one less attendant than my fiancé and no one filling the spot – which may just enflame the anger and hurt feelings even more. What should I do? This drama is taking all the joy out of what should be a joyous occasion, and all my efforts to come up with a creative solution have failed so far. Shouldn’t my friends just be happy to celebrate with me in any capacity, or should I put aside my own hurt and make one of them a bridesmaid? I'd deeply appreciate any input anyone has to give. Thanks so much!
Posted by anni1987[/QUOTE]

If you haven't asked any BMs yet, then wait! Don't ask anyone until about 9 months before the wedding. If someone asks in the mean time, then say, "we haven't pick our WP yet." Then change the subject. Also, your FI should have his sister stand on his side. He shouldn't have forced you to put her on your side. Also, even sides are no longer necessary. I had 5 BMs and H had 3 GM, we were still able to get legally married and the day went perfect.

There is also a lot of drama within your group. If you stop talking wedding with them, the drama will die down because there is nothing to talk about.

Maggie0829 · January 2013

Would be nice to know how you solved your problem.

Simply Fated · January 2013

Sides don't need to be even. That's a crappy tradition. If Nancy asks again, tell her that since she's moved away you guys haven't been as close, but you hope she attends as a guest. As for Lacceine, the gray cloud, talk to her, but leave out all wedding talk. Why is she being such a downer? There might be something else going on there, so be a friend first, bride second. See if you can switch your fiance's sister over to his side IF it isn't too late. Did you already ask her? If so, forget it. All of your notions on how you need to break the bad news to people that they didn't make the cut into your wedding party needs to go out the window. Nancy and Lacciene are being immature. Maybe invite them as guests or move on.

mattycam · January 2013

I had a friend that believed she should have been in the wedding party - because I was a part of hers. She was very upset but eventually she got over it, attended my wedding and did a reading. You can't please everyone.

s-aries8990 · January 2013

Thanks OOM for quoting!

I have a feeling that they're all immature, if not in age, in, well, maturity. WP should be the nearest and dearest and your to-be shouldn't have a say really (unless there was some enormous, overbearing reason usually accompanied by apprehensiveness of inviting that person to the wedding at all).

Your WP is your business, and no one elses, not Lancine's, not Nancy's, not Brittany's. Your WP does not need to be even, it does not need to be only females/only males, it does not have to be relatives.

emeejeeayen · January 2013

Is Laceine really the annonymous name you chose?

soontobehanby · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_angry-friends-who-think-they-should-be-bridesmaids-please-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:8d32fd82-33c6-448d-a6f0-bf141d5a36afPost:0c26f53f-6c44-4104-a106-6f0aa70cbc1b">Re: Angry Friends Who Think They Should Be Bridesmaids - Please Help!</a>:
[QUOTE]Is Laceine really the annonymous name you chose?
Posted by emeejeeayen[/QUOTE]

<div>Ha! I thought the same thing! It's an obscure name.. What about Ashley or something?</div>

Angry Friends Who Think They Should Be Bridesmaids - Please Help!

Re: Angry Friends Who Think They Should Be Bridesmaids - Please Help!

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