Remembering a deceased loved one at a wedding?

chubilove · April 2011

Hi all! So I recently (July 20,2010) lost my best friend/aunt to Ovarian Cancer. I also have lost my Papa in 2002 to Cancer and when he passed away, a piece of me has been missing. I am only 23, and I would like a nice way to honor or remember them at my wedding.

I was thinking of having two chiars where they were to sit and placing a white rose on them. Or placing two white roses in my bouquet of purple flowers? I just don't know.

Thanks!!

AStep2432 · April 2011

My cousin had a vase of white roses on the alter- each rose represeted a family member who had passes away.

I am including the names on my wedding program as well as listing them during the ceremony-Prayer of the Faithful

deee&matt · April 2011

The vase of white roses is a good idea! It could kind of go along with my idea.. I was in a wedding where a dear friend of the bride died in a car accident a few months earlier and she gave a small bouquet to the mother of her friend in memory of her. I wanted to do the same, because like you I lost my aunt to an aneurysm last August (the 1st anniversary of her death is two days before my wedding) so I know it is going to be a difficult time for my family. I and my fiance both have lost one of our grandfathers, and my Aunt and Unlce lost their child. So what I was going to do is after we are done with the Unity sand part, we will take a single white rose to my grandmother in memory of my aunt, to my aunt and uncle in memory of their child, and to our grandmothers in memory of their husbands.

Miracle520 · April 2011

We are doing a small table in the room with "memories in a bottle" (photos inside pretty bottles) and some of our favorite keepsakes from those people as well as candles. We will have a page in our program about how much they have meant to us and how we feel the candlelight is a physical symbol of their presence with us.

par31 · April 2011

Hi
As someone who has lost many very special people I wanted to pass along some advise I received from the revernd for our ceremony.
I Ihave lost many people very dear to me and wanted to include them in my wedding. When we spoke to our Reverend regarding how we could honor them he brought up a good point: To keep it low profile you do not want to turn your happy day into a day about those who are no longer here and not about us and the joining of our two families into one. Until he said this I had not even considered that doing somethign would take the focus off of what you are celebrating but it is true in a way and you should keep it happy day.
Keeping that in mind we decided to do the following:
Revernd- including a prayer in the ceremony for those who could not be with us on this special day.
I am not having a maid of honor because this should be my sister who is no longer with us and in my mind there is no one else I would want to do this.
In our program we have included a in memory of section with a poem for my mom and grandmother. Than separate poem to honor my sister.
Sorry for your loss and congratulations on your wedding

geminijen27 · April 2011

I think I'll be adding a small framed picture of my aunt to my bouquet ... just so she's close wiht me ... no one needs to know it's there, but I will!

Audrey&Austin · April 2011

I'm personally not a fan of the empty chair at the ceremony/reception. This is supposed to be a day of joy and happiness, doing something so in-your-face will not only make you sad, but other people as well. Do something small and personal, a charm on your bouquet, a clip in your hair, a piece of jewelry that reminds you of your friend. I think the vase idea is nice, but it draws more attention to who isn't there than who is.

EhTb4evr · April 2011

I agree with Audrey, I think something small and on your persons maybe would be a nice touch, and not something so in-your-face. I wouldnt want anyone sad at my wedding as I'm sure you wouldnt!

mebaker87 · April 2011

On orientaltrading.com you can get a vase that is personalized with a name that says "in remeberance of" or candles with the same thing. I am doing the candles for my grandfather and my FI grandmother next to a picture of each of them

couawilou · April 2011

For my wedding, I will be remembering my daughter and my FI's grandmother by incorporating their favorite flowers in my bouquet and my FI boutoniere. It so happens that their favorite flower was the white carnation, so I will have those on my bouquet, my mother will also have one in hers, my dad one with his boutonniere and then my FI's family (brother, father and mother) also will have a white carnation. That way not the entire guests know, it's a something between our very close families.

Lash10 · April 2011

At our reception we are having a small table with pictures of my grandmother and two grandfathers along with FI's grandfather. I will also have a vase at the table with bronze colored flowers. We wanted to make sure they would be there on our day. (The table will be close to where you walk in and not a "sitting" table)

I'm happy to see that I won't be the only one doing this.

bdepew36 · April 2011

Hello -

At our ceremony we are having a small table with one large candle and 4 smaller candles. My FH insisted that there be no names on the candles and it be understated. The large candle is for my FH father and the other candles are to honor our grandparents that have passed. In addition, we have a dear friend that is writing a short poem to be read as she lights those candles. They will remain lit throughout the ceremony.

We also decided to present each parent with a white rose after we light our unity candle and we will place one white rose on the table to honor his father as well.

We did include their names in our program. Although we want this to be a joyous and upbeat occasion, we wanted to find a way to honor our loved ones that are so very dear to us. I know our dear friend will find a way to keep it very upbeat and still honor our family members that are no longer with us.

In addition - instead of giving wedding favors we have decided to make a monetary donation to the American Diabetes Association to honor my FH father as well as my pap that recently passed away from complications of diabetes. We are also giving CD's of our wedding music to our guests, but felt that instead of spending a ton of money on favors we would put it towards a cause we feel strongly about.

I honestly believe that it is your wedding and you should do what you feel would honor your loved ones. Whether it be an empty chair, a stuffed bear, candles, pictures or poems is entirely up to you. It is your day!

Hope this helps!

boothsarah · April 2011

Hi. to me it is very important to have the people who passed away be apart of your wedding. My grandfather, grandmother and cousin(who was only 17 and a year older than me) died from cancer. I am having a table for a prayer and pictures of them set up at the reception. Also we are doing the "dollar dance" but all the money will be going to the american cancer society, I feel that way it brings a sad time in our life into a more happier one on our wedding day,

Just a thought good luck and enjoy!!

trix1223 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_remembering-deceased-loved-one-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:a0925d84-f03b-43d5-a37b-060e9ef1a699Post:15f03d09-5b97-45ff-aa5e-88cc12a26558">Re: Remembering a deceased loved one at a wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi. to me it is very important to have the people who passed away be apart of your wedding. My grandfather, grandmother and cousin(who was only 17 and a year older than me) died from cancer. I am having a table for a prayer and pictures of them set up at the reception. <strong>Also we are doing the "dollar dance" but all the money will be going to the american cancer society,</strong> I feel that way it brings a sad time in our life into a more happier one on our wedding day, Just a thought good luck and enjoy!!
Posted by boothsarah[/QUOTE]

If you must do a remembrance thing, please stick to the table. I'm of the very strong opinion that your wedding should NOT be a fundraiser at all. I don't like dollar dances. I think it's even less appropriate to hold a fundraiser, no matter what the organization is.

a_polaski · April 2011

We are remembering our grandparents who have passes away by including little traditions that remind us of them throughout our wedding/reception.

For example my Grandma Stella always carried handkerchiefs with her so at the entrance to the wedding ceremony we will have a basket of handkerchiefs and a note that says something simple like, "Alissa's Grandmother, Stella was alway quick to offer up a handkerchief whether it was to wipe a childs nose or someones tears of joy. Please take one in celebration of our wedding and in memory of Stella". My Grandfather used to smoke cigars so we have bought a few boxes of chocolate cigars to put at the bar with a note that says something like, "Alissa's Grandfather Robert had always smoked cigars since she could remember, in fact to this day she can't pass the scent of a cigar without thinking about him. Please enjoy a cigar in celebration of our wedding and in memory of Robert.

A little different, but all things we would have used anyway.

Hope this helps

cupcake4306 · April 2011

I think its a great idea to include those who have passed away in your wedding. I've decided to get a small locket engraved with my fiances' parents names on it and include their pictures inside the locket. His father passed away 17 years ago and his mother this past year and I felt it woud be great to include them in the wedding in a personal way that only he and I knew about. I won't be wearing the locket as part of a necklace but rather I'm attaching it to my bridal bouquet. I felt that this would be a different and more personal way to include them in the wedding. I've also heard of other brides using jewelry, watch faces, or vintage family heirlooms in the same way I'm using my locket.

YSUGirl · April 2011

I'm already married but my husband and I didn't have a real wedding. Since my deceased grandparents' 50th wedding anniversary would be this year, my husband and I are renewing our vows on their day. To honor them, we dug up congratulatory cards from wedding guests of my grandparents' wedding and I put them on a special foam board that it will be displayed on the buffet table at the reception. On each side of the stage at the church, we are putting together a collage of their wedding pictures with poster board which will be held with easels. We will also commemorate my grandparents' during the ceremony, as there will be a prayer to honor their memory. Also, rather than having a ring bearer pillow, my son will be carrying my grandma's old jewelry box.

I hope my ideas help. If anyone has any comments or ideas for me, please let me know.

trix1223 · April 2011

In Response to Re: Remembering a deceased loved one at a wedding?:
[QUOTE]I'm already married but my husband and I didn't have a real wedding. Since my deceased grandparents' 50th wedding anniversary would be this year, my husband and I are renewing our vows on their day. To honor them, we dug up congratulatory cards from wedding guests of my grandparents' wedding and I put them on a special foam board that it will be displayed on the buffet table at the reception. On each side of the stage at the church, we are putting together a collage of their wedding pictures with poster board which will be held with easels. We will also commemorate my grandparents' during the ceremony, as there will be a prayer to honor their memory. Also, rather than having a ring bearer pillow, my son will be carrying my grandma's old jewelry box. I hope my ideas help. If anyone has any comments or ideas for me, please let me know.
Posted by YSUGirl[/QUOTE]

If you're already married, you most certainly did have a "real" wedding. You may not have had a "wedding industry wedding", but what you did have was absolutely real.

Knottie37268750 · August 2014

3 yrs ago I lost a very close friend. She was my rock that got me through my senior year as I had no one by my side at one point. I was ready to give up but she made me keep going so I ran it past my bridesmaids *note more then half my bridesmaids knew this young lady* she was only 15 when she passed away. Of an asthma attack *note: I too have asthma* we have agreed to take a photo of us all *those who knew her will hold her picture. Those who didn't will be holding a sign that says "missing bridesmaid, we know ur here watching over the bride n groom, please don't cry. We don't need the rain even tho... " then after the wedding we will play rain is a good thing. Just know its ur choice if u wanna do something for them. No matter what others say its ur day. My girls loved the idea they actually said that the adopted sister of the girl should carry a small pic of her because she was to be a bridesmaid if I ever got married. N now I am. I will stick to my word she is a bridesmaid. Good luck.