Wedding Etiquette Forum

Awkward friend drama

My fiance and I met through mutual friends. At the time we met and got engaged, our mutual friends were a couple. They're recently going through a VERY nasty split. My fiance and I are both trying to be there for our friends, offering moral support and helping out with their daughter's birthday party since they were both laid off recently, but it seems as though they are using our wedding to air out some of their drama. She is my MoH and he is a groomsmen. She recently expressed that she would like to bring another date, and I said, yes of course, and asked if her ex would be able to be civil if she did. She said she didn't think so, so I had my fiance talk to him, because we didn't want him getting angry or not enjoying the day because she randomly had a date. She then got angry at us for giving him a heads up. It just seemed like she wanted to make him mad/jealous and thought our wedding would be the best place to do that. I know I can't control their behavior, but does anyone have any suggestions on how to deal with this kind of conflict, or had anything similar happen? They both mean the world to us and I don't want what should be a happy day for everyone, them too, tainted by drama.

Re: Awkward friend drama

  • Learn to shrug.

    She asks if she can bring a date, of course the answer is yes.  <shrug />

    Your FI talks to her ex about this - didn't HAVE to do that, but did that.  Probably a good idea.

    Now she finds out that your FI talked to her ex and she's trying to stir up some drama about it?  Here's your response:  <shrug />

    These two people are in pain.  Their relationship is ripped, they have no jobs, they have a daughter.  They are a mess.  And they have to deal with that mess.

    You and FI, on the other hand, need to be focusing on your own business right now.  You have three months to pull everything together, meet with your officiant to build the best foundation for your marriage, arrange finances and time together, etc.  You cannot afford to poke into your friends' lives to try to FIX them or their daughter's BD party.  Learn to set limits so that you can CARE about them and HELP some, but the rest needs to be a <shrug /> so that you can move on and so THEY can move on to get some healing done.
  • Wow. I actually agree with Kristin. Probably because she gave advice that isn't out of a 1950's behavior book. 

    Anyway, you really just need to stay out of it and turn the other way. I would probably try to lay down the law that they need to 'ackright' during the wedding, but that might backfire. 
  • Ditto Kristin (what? Is hell freezing?) Stay out of it. I think what you did makes sense. I probably would have done the same, but from here on out just try and stay out of it. If it's something that's going to directly affect you, yours, and youd wedding, then by all means do what needs to be done.
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  • Wow, solid advice. I think you're on to something here, Kristin. 
  • I'm gonna join the Kristin train.
  • Did I enter into bizarro world here? Yeah, you gotta stay out of it. Not much else you can do.
    image

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  • I'm a-skeered!
  • I may have the same issue, except it is between my brother and his girlfriend. They are on the rocks right now and I don't know what is going to happen in 3 months. I want both of them there. I have already talked to both of them about causing drama (she really likes to argue and pick fights) and that they both will be asked to leave if the cause a scene.
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