Wedding Party

Bachelorette party conundrum

At Thanksgiving dinner last night, FI's stepmom L offered to throw me a bachelorette party.  Great!  Except, well, her idea is to have a bunch of people over to her house, bring some booze, and hire a stripper.  So it would be more like a shower, only instead of kitchen gadgets, I'd be getting a banana hammock in the face.

I'm really not comfortable with this.  I'd be totally fine with going to the house, drinking, and playing some raunchy games.  I wouldn't be thrilled about going out to a strip club of either gender, but I'd manage to have a good time.  But I just really don't like the idea of a private stripper.  I'm afraid that I'd get so embarrassed that I'd end up in tears, and I'd make L feel bad.

I'm really grateful that she wants to make sure I get a bachelorette party, especially since I'm not sure my MOH is up for it since she had a baby and her husband lost his job.  I sort of deflected last night, saying that I think MOH is planning something, and I'll give her L's number.

Any advice?  This is really stressing me out, I actually lost sleep last night over this. 
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Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284

Re: Bachelorette party conundrum

  • When my girls asked what I wanted to do, I was very clear about no strippers, and they've honored my wishes. I feel like that you just need to be honest about why you're ok with everything but that one part, and surely they will understand. It will even save them some money! :)

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    (Married)meganandshane.weebly.com~
    (Planning)shaneandmegan.weebly.com
  • Are you afraid that you'll appear ungrateful if you ask her not to hire the stripper?

    Normally I say that brides should just be gracious and accept whatever they get, but I think a stripper is one of the exceptions where she should speak up if she's unhappy. It's not like you're complaining because things aren't expensive or fancy enough for you ... if you'd be uncomfortable with a stripper then you should say something. And if L won't budge, then politely decline the party (but if she's a nice, reasonable person then I'm sure she'd honor your request).

    Can FI help run interference for you? Does L have a daughter that you're friendly with? Maybe she can say something as well.
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  • Can you elaborate a bit more?  Did she say that she wants to make a stripper part of the bachelorette entertainment?

    If she actually said stripper, say, "Oh thank you but I'm afraid I'd be so uncomfortable at a party like that."

    And them mean it.

    FWIW, it's cute that she wants to do this but from my experience, the bachelorette is a party you attend sans parents.
  • Yeah, she specified a stripper for a house party.  I think it's kind of a thing with her side of the family, since I'm pretty sure she took her daughter to a strip club for either her 18th or 21st birthday.  They're just crazy like that.  It's like a rite of passage or something.

    I'll try to talk to her in private about it, since the thing at Thanksgiving was in front of about half her guests.  We'll be stopping by again for Christmas, so hopefully I can pull her aside and have a chat.
    This is a neglected planning bio.
    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

    image
    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
  • Def. talk to her my BP knew that I didn't want a stripper, a  party bus, or anything like that. They knew what I liked which made it a great night with friends.  My co-worker's MIL threw her a bach. party with a stripper and she was beyond embarrassed and hated ever minute of it.  Since it seems like you can talk to her just explain your reservations about it and your MOH along with the rest of the BP might already be taking care of the party so that is something you'll need to figure out as well. 
  • I wouldn't want my mom or MIL at my party either.  And I really don't want a stripper!  

    I think be honest you would be happy to come to her house and have some drinks, but you are not comfortable with a stripper.  
  • I think you should talk to her in private, but right now I'm so shocked I can't think of anything that you could say.

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