M.O.G Help.

Blambert01022010 · February 2012

Any Suggestion on how not to kill you Mother In Law to be?

I think we made a big mistake in asking her to help with the few things that we did ! Every since we asked her to help, she thinks she is planning her own wedding! She also thinks that everything we are doing is over the top and we are paying way to much!!! Yet, here she comes in the house one day happy as can be, handing me a brochure for a catering place. When she handed it to me her exact words we "Its only going to cost thirty-two hundered dollars." Seriously woman!? But we are paying way to much for this wedding? Right.

She has gone so far as to telling me if I wasn't happy with the way things were going don't marry her son! I am so ready to just kill her!

kmmssg · February 2012

Where is your FI in all of this? What exactly did you give her to be involved in? Is she paying for any part of the wedding?

em01092 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mog?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:11b4c61c-c3c1-4d89-a4e1-95f3bce38323Post:350bdc11-add2-42a9-b96d-8d04dc843f69">M.O.G Help.</a>:
[QUOTE]Any Suggestion on how not to kill you Mother In Law to be? I think we made a big mistake <strong>in asking her to help with the few things that we did</strong> ! Every since we asked her to help, she thinks she is planning her own wedding! She also thinks that everything we are doing is over the top and we are paying way to much!!! Yet, here she comes in the house one day happy as can be, handing me a brochure for a catering place. When she handed it to me her exact words we "Its only going to cost thirty-two hundered dollars." Seriously woman!? But we are paying way to much for this wedding? Right. <strong>She has gone so far as to telling me if I wasn't happy with the way things were going don't marry her son! I am so ready to just kill her!</strong>
Posted by Blambert01022010[/QUOTE]

1. When you say help, do you mean financial assistance or do you mean opinions and suggestions? If she is helping you pay for the food, she gets a say in what food is chosen. Same would go for a cake, flowers, venue, guest list, etc. Now if you and FI are paying (or your family, etc) then you do not have to give in to her wants.

2. This last part is just not ok. Even if she is paying, she should not have said that to you. Your FI needs to tell his mother that saying stuff like that is not acceptable. If she is paying, ideally you all should be able to come to some sort of compromise. Or if she won't budge on what she wants, politely refuse her money and pay for the wedding you want yourselves.

kimberlyb122 · February 2012

I am trying to figure out the same thing. The second you accept "help" just give up having what you want. My in-laws are helping pay and I wish had said thanks but no thanks... I thought they were doing it because they wanted us to have what we want and not be over-extended and what not (this is what they said). I gave my MIL entirely too much credit on that. It was to get control and the process has been utterly miserable.

Hope you figure it out- and if you do clue me in.

graysquirrel · February 2012

Have a long talk with your FI about her role in this. Her comment about it being her way or no wedding sounds really snarky and inappropriate. Have your FI understand your position, get on the same page with him, and then have him talk to his mom. Things will sound better coming from her son, especially if it is something that she wont like to hear.

If she is bringing things to you that are way out of your price range, I would thank her for trying to help and then give her a very strict budget. Tell her how much money you have for food/flowers/DJ etc. and that you will not go over. Tell her that you simply cannot afford anything more than X and that you will not consider anyone over that price.

ljdcom · February 2012

Ladies dont you realize MOGs are worse then MOB's? BECASUE they ARENT MOBs! Especially if they dont have any daughters!. This is THEIR SONS wedding!    Usually sons dont take anyones side they simply yes both of you to death and sneak away ... heres a tip
MY daughters MOG is a demanding whinning crying pain, and she wants everything with no regards to cost. and she cant afford anything yet if she doesnt get her way she crys amd makes everyones life miserable. To put a stop to this .. I suggested this
We included her in planning one item, let her go hog wild ,   First WE sat down with the vendor told him what we want ed & what the budget is and got the price.   THEN she told them what SHE wanted and was given the price. The VENDOR explains that IF she wants something not included in our plans and not in our budget she pays..as long as it meets the overall objective/design/astheitcs etc. And THEN asked for HER Credit Card for HER deposit as it her requests would be on a separate invoice in HER name..
Guess what she shut up and stopped demanding stuff she couldnt pay for although she still crys for effect..
This works with people who have grand ideas, want control, make demands, have no regard for anyone elses money  and HAVE NO  MONEY themselves.. harsh but effective.

renegade gaucho · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mog?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:11b4c61c-c3c1-4d89-a4e1-95f3bce38323Post:4a8819e2-4eed-425c-b086-ff23bf189f59">Re: M.O.G Help.</a>:
[QUOTE] Usually sons dont take anyones side they simply yes both of you to death and sneak away. [/QUOTE]
Um, no.

steffenfam · February 2012

What IS it with MOGs? I have a similar situation as ljdcom. Daughter's FMIL wants to be included in everything (and cries when she can't) but won't contribute a dime. She wants to go to all the vendor appointments, because we (who are paying) aren't savvy enough to... umm..bargain down the costs. And it's not her money! We're not buying a used car here!

She came with us to a venue appointment and completely hijacked it. I was so shocked I was speechless. Then she and FOG went to see the venue that we had chosen. She told the person showing them around that one of the venue's rules was "f-ing stupid".

So, Blambert, my daughter is in a similar situation as you. Luckily, her FI sides with her and against his mother. I suggest you take a deep breath and, as others have advised, don't offer any wedding information. If she asks, say thanks, I'll think about it, or thanks, but we've already taken care of it. GOOD LUCK!

Blambert01022010 · February 2012

My FI is just trying to make everyone happy. Like I tell him your marrying me not your mother and it's about time she understands this as well. He just says okay I will talk to her. She goes and gets all dramatic and starts crying. Accusing him that he doesn't love her and all she wants is to help, but we keep shooting her down with what she is suggesting. I tell my FI I am sorry she feels this way but 99.99% of this wedding WE are paying for. Not my family, not his family, but US.

We simply asked her to help with the deposit for the venue and she offered to help pay for the tent rental, bc we were worried if it rained, then we would have to move the wedding inside and we didn't want to do that. Then the whole food thing! I am just ready to say forget it, here you go, you plan this darn thing! I have no clue what's going on with this woman! Thanks to all responses! I have taken alot of advice!

ErBear1010 · February 2012

A girl I work with taught me this phrase: "Well that's an idea!" I use it often now. I have a FI who is trying to make everyone happy. He's failing at the moment. If you guys are paying for it, you get the final say. That's my theory. My dad is paying for mine and he hasn't said a thing because "it's not his wedding."

Blambert01022010 · February 2012

The whole situation just reminds me of the movie Our Family Wedding. Except our family isn't actually helping. I just keep saying the same thing they do though, our marriage, thier wedding. I'm not doing it anymore. I've tried to be nice in rejections but she doesn't get the clue. So I am just plain rejecting and tell her thanks btu no thanks we already have it covered.

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