Who to invite?

emnmatt · April 2011

My FI wants to invite one of his good friends which is a girl. The only problem is- me and her used to be best friends and had a falling out for something she did. (long story) But now I don't want anything to do with her- and don't want to have her at my wedding! What do I do? I can't just tell FI she's not invited? Or can I?

Help Please!

bethsmiles · April 2011

No you can't "just tell" your FI she isn't invited. He is an adult and you do not control him. This is something the two of you need to work out by having a conversation about what both of you want or don't want. If he is friends with her you may just need to put on your big girl panties and be the bigger person and get over whatever happened between the two of you.

trix1223 · April 2011

ditto beth. The word "MY" wedding shouldn't be in your lexicon. It's your FI's wedding also. And unless you're going to give him unilateral permission to edit your guestlist, you shouldn't be unilaterally editing his.

To be honest, you'll be so busy on wedding day that all you'll have to do is say a quick "Thank you for coming" and then you don't have to interact with her at all for the rest of the day.

Let this go.

MyNameIsNot · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_invite-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:d9d047ab-8762-402c-977c-1d1cc6d3594dPost:29fc6bdb-73b9-4a49-84b4-17f72e0a035b">Who to invite?</a>:
[QUOTE]My FI wants to invite one of his good friends which is a girl. The only problem is- me and her used to be best friends and had a falling out for something she did. (long story) But now I don't want anything to do with her- and don't want to have her at my wedding! What do I do? I can't just tell FI she's not invited? Or can I? Help Please!
Posted by emnmatt[/QUOTE]

<div>This is his wedding as much as it is yours. Your wishes do not trump his, and you do not get to "just tell" him anything. </div><div>
</div><div>You are marrying this man. You need to figure out how to discuss and resolve conflict in a way that you are both comfortable with. Neither one of you has to be in control; instead, you should work as a team. How would you handle this if this were a conversation about which house to buy or what school to send your kids to? Consider this disagreement training wheels for the more serious ones you will have down the road. </div>

DramaGeek · April 2011

We had people had the wedding I didn't care to have there. Actually, we had people in the wedding that I didn't care to have in the wedding. They were people important to H, though, so we made it work. PP is right - you'll be so busy and so full of emotion it probably won't even register that she's there.

mandi921vh · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_invite-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:d9d047ab-8762-402c-977c-1d1cc6d3594dPost:cf5e4ccc-c89f-4d38-aba1-d915aeb3ef2c">Re: Who to invite?</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>No you can't "just tell" your FI she isn't invited.</strong> He is an adult and you do not control him. This is something the two of you need to work out by having a conversation about what both of you want or don't want. If he is friends with her you may just need to put on your big girl panties and be the bigger person and get over whatever happened between the two of you.
Posted by bethsmiles[/QUOTE]

<div>This.</div>

midgetthemighty · April 2011

If you had such a falling out with this person and you knew he was her friend, I'm suprised this issue hasn't come up already. But I agree with everyone else. You just need to talk to him about it as adults and come to a conclusion together. I would say be the bigger person and invite her when it comes down to it though.

Cynthia1207 · April 2011

We're inviting someone on FI's side that I would rather see laying in a pile of poo than at the wedding (loooong story). This is one of those ''well she's the wife of so and so, can't break up the social unit'' bla bla bla. Anyways I tell myself that I will only see this person for about 30 seconds in the receiving line and another 3 and a half minutes when I do my table rounds. 4 minutes in a 16-20 hour day is a compromise I'm willing to make. The only words I even have to say to her are Thank you for coming. 4 minutes, 4 words. No biggie.

Kate61487 · April 2011

ditto PPs; I'd definitely talk to your FI about it - just to make sure he knows how you feel on the topic, but in the end I wouldn't put up much of a fight

needle&thread · April 2011

Was the big falling out that she cheated with FI? Just joking...but really...the back story is the question. (rhetorical question)

If this 'thing' was so horrible and he continued to be her friend (with you not having an issue with his friendship), then you gotta eat this one. Men don't get the catty girl crap that we tend to deal with...he probably doesn't even see 'your' problem. At the risk of having an awful honeymoon, just chuck it up to civility.

Like other people have said...Thank you for coming...and be done with it.

Now, visits to your home is another thing altogether!!

S and CJ

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