Destination Wedding Etiquette

dewingedpixie · November 2012

We have decided to do a destination wedding. The package we've selected only allows 20 total. We are going to do a formal dinner reception followed by a fireworks dessert party that day. There will also be a girls night out with a covered dinner, shopping, and nails at cost of the girls who participate. We will also throw a welcome party with jack-o-lantern cutting these jack o lanterns will be used as decorations for the dessert party. Now the question of etiquette comes to play. We can only have 20 at the ceremony. We did this for cost reasons and family politics issues.When we come home we will do a Halloween potluck reception for most of our friends at the house. We will also do a reception at the holidays with my fiance's side of the family at a formal restaurant since they want to do this and I will rewear my dress. Most of them wouldn't have been able to travel anyway. Now here is the kicker we may have more than 20 interested in coming. We cant accept more than 20 to the ceremony, a larger package is out of our budget due to us opening the doors that wide we cant calculate a real head count due to the family politics. If we choose to open the reception dinner, dessert fireworks party, girls/guys night out, welcome party, and daily activities to family/friends that choose to make the trek is it rude that they cant come to the ceremony if they know in advance? We will open the ceremony only to 1st degree relatives, bridal/groom party and 1-2 close friends. If certain people decline and we are not over the 20 we may allow those who come to join for the ceremony an all or nothing deal that would be decided prior to the actual trip. I know A and B lists are rude, but we have people right now saying no ceremony is fine they may come down for the rest, is this rude? Or is this ok because we acknowledge these numbers to start?

Edited to add: We were originally looking to do a larger destination package or larger wedding. We also wont have final dates, etc till February. We want to address etiquette issues now rather than later.

Gabrielle76 · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_destination-wedding-ettiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9e7783ba-b8e0-4122-b1c1-c6e9dc114ed0Post:85e0618f-510e-4188-b691-c67e25aea397">Destination Wedding Etiquette</a>:
[QUOTE]We have decided to do a destination wedding. The package we've selected only allows 20 total. We are going to do a formal dinner reception followed by a fireworks dessert party that day. There will also be a girls night out with a covered dinner, shopping, and nails at cost of the girls who participate. We will also throw a welcome party with jack-o-lantern cutting these jack o lanterns will be used as decorations for the dessert party. Now the question of etiquette comes to play. We can only have 20 at the ceremony. We did this for cost reasons and family politics issues.When we come home we will do a Halloween potluck reception for most of our friends at the house. We will also do a reception at the holidays with my fiance's side of the family at a formal restaurant since they want to do this and I will rewear my dress. Most of them wouldn't have been able to travel anyway. Now here is the kicker we may have more than 20 interested in coming. We cant accept more than 20 to the ceremony, a larger package is out of our budget due to us opening the doors that wide we cant calculate a real head count due to the family politics. If we choose to open the reception dinner, dessert fireworks party, girls/guys night out, welcome party, and daily activities to family/friends that choose to make the trek is it rude that they cant come to the ceremony if they know in advance? We will open the ceremony only to 1st degree relatives, bridal/groom party and 1-2 close friends. If certain people decline and we are not over the 20 we may allow those who come to join for the ceremony an all or nothing deal that would be decided prior to the actual trip. I know A and B lists are rude, but we have people right now saying no ceremony is fine they may come down for the rest, is this rude? Or is this ok because we acknowledge these numbers to start? Edited to add: We were originally looking to do a larger destination package or larger wedding. We also wont have final dates, etc till February. We want to address etiquette issues now rather than later.
Posted by dewingedpixie[/QUOTE]

IMHO it's still rude. You have money/space for 20, pick the 20 you want to invite, and invite them with save the dates and plenty of notice because it's destination. A and B lists are still rude, even if they are small guest lists.

If you wanted to do a small private ceremony (read JUST IMMEDIATE FAMILY) and invite more people to the reception, that's an option too, but I would still probably side eye it for a destination wedding.

Maggie0829 · November 2012

If you can only afford 20 guests at your ceremony then you should only be inviting 20 guests to the entire destination event.

misssunshine17 · November 2012

And no potlucks. It's very rude to expect your guests to bring anything. Also, I'd skip playing dress up in your dress again. You'll no longer be a bride, you'll be married.

dewingedpixie · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_destination-wedding-ettiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9e7783ba-b8e0-4122-b1c1-c6e9dc114ed0Post:381f4771-30f8-46c5-8d2c-810b6f21cf2e">Re: Destination Wedding Etiquette</a>:
[QUOTE]And no potlucks. It's very rude to expect your guests to bring anything. Also, I'd skip playing dress up in your dress again. You'll no longer be a bride, you'll be married.
Posted by misssunshine17[/QUOTE]

Typically when we do a pot luck at our house I make 90% of the food. So maybe potluck is a broad term I invite people for dinner and usually our friends bring something to pass though I make the dinner. This is a pretty common occurance in our circle we went to a "dinner" last week for a house warming though they made the food everyone brought extra. Will it be phrased pot luck probably not probably come to our house and celebrate.

The family dinner is a place that is extremely formal. I feel like this is like saying because I'm being married for a second time I cant wear white. Part of this reasoning is simple his grandmother doesnt travel anymore and it will be her wish. Since she maybe hosting that dinner as it was her idea since she wasnt sure she'd make the travels I think her wishes reign here.

dewingedpixie · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_destination-wedding-ettiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9e7783ba-b8e0-4122-b1c1-c6e9dc114ed0Post:b718c7db-4ab2-4737-90b7-da98fe689ace">Re: Destination Wedding Ettiquette</a>:
[QUOTE]If you can only afford 20 guests at your ceremony then you should only be inviting 20 guests to the entire destination event.
Posted by Maggie0829[/QUOTE]

Thank you :). Since we cant firm a date yet and we anticipate that we may have declines before we put out invites is it still an issue if we fill those slots? I would for instance love for my grandparents to come but they may flat out say they just cant prior to us even getting the invites in the mail. I would still send them one but can we send out 22 instead of 20 if we 100% know they wont make the travel? I know this may skate the rules of etiquette to that is why I ask now rather than when we come to a point of sending these in a few months.

Maggie0829 · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_destination-wedding-ettiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9e7783ba-b8e0-4122-b1c1-c6e9dc114ed0Post:36896025-a028-4748-9319-2d0bcbea8936">Re: Destination Wedding Ettiquette</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Destination Wedding Ettiquette : Thank you :). Since we cant firm a date yet and we anticipate that we may have declines before we put out invites is it still an issue if we fill those slots? I would for instance love for my grandparents to come but they may flat out say they just cant prior to us even getting the invites in the mail. I would still send them one but can we send out 22 instead of 20 if we 100% know they wont make the travel? I know this may skate the rules of etiquette to that is why I ask now rather than when we come to a point of sending these in a few months.
Posted by dewingedpixie[/QUOTE]

There is no etiquette saying you can't over invite what your max allowance is, but it isn't a very smart idea. You should only invite those 20 who you want to come to your ceremony. If some can't make it then you will have less then 20 people at your ceremony. What if you ask your grandparents now whether or not they can make it and they say no, but then they receive your invite a few months later and realize that they can in fact make your wedding? Then you now have 22 confirmed guests when you only have room and money for 20.

No matter if you are having a big wedding or a small wedding you invite the people that you want to share that day with. Will some not be able to make it? Sure. But you do not "fill those spots" just to hit a certain number. I understand your frustration because it seems that you would love to be able to invite more people to your ceremony but due to your budget you can't, but remember that you will be celebrating your marriage with them at a later date so just enjoy those that can make your ceremony and then enjoy the post-celebrations with those that you couldn't invite later.

dewingedpixie · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_destination-wedding-ettiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9e7783ba-b8e0-4122-b1c1-c6e9dc114ed0Post:250ef51c-7e93-41ee-81a2-998e96159516">Re: Destination Wedding Ettiquette</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Destination Wedding Ettiquette : There is no etiquette saying you can't over invite what your max allowance is, but it isn't a very smart idea. You should only invite those 20 who you want to come to your ceremony. If some can't make it then you will have less then 20 people at your ceremony. What if you ask your grandparents now whether or not they can make it and they say no, but then they receive your invite a few months later and realize that they can in fact make your wedding? Then you now have 22 confirmed guests when you only have room and money for 20. No matter if you are having a big wedding or a small wedding you invite the people that you want to share that day with. Will some not be able to make it? Sure. But you do not "fill those spots" just to hit a certain number. I understand your frustration because it seems that you would love to be able to invite more people to your ceremony but due to your budget you can't, but remember that you will be celebrating your marriage with them at a later date so just enjoy those that can make your ceremony and then enjoy the post-celebrations with those that you couldn't invite later.
Posted by Maggie0829[/QUOTE]

Thanks :). I really wish they offered a 30 person package that wasnt sold peacemeal that would have been more than perfect for us to eliminate politics and costs. However they offer it this way or the other way which means I feel the need to open the flood gates due to no restrictions on head count.

dewingedpixie · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_destination-wedding-ettiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9e7783ba-b8e0-4122-b1c1-c6e9dc114ed0Post:2b2d602f-9469-409c-9a66-96df465ad65e">Re: Destination Wedding Etiquette</a>:
[QUOTE]I think the other posters have the etiquette covered, but just wanted to mention this since it wasn't clear from your posts. Does the venue include you and your Fi in the allowesd 20 person head countt? If so, then you can only invite 18 guests. Just wanted to make sure this had been considered if it hadn't been brought up yet?
Posted by kwitherington[/QUOTE]

I believe its 20 total guests plus us. Either way right now our list is 16 to invite. These are our closest friends and family. We have 1 in the military stationed overseas, and 3 older guests that we would be making travel arrangements for. We would know pretty far in advance for these three. These are the 4 we expect declines from due to mobility, and ability to attend. We also have a few others that we know would probably like to come and would make the trek.

MartinAston · November 2012

This has to be mud. So much wrong with this. No you can't invite some to events and not to ceremony and give them an all or nothing choice. Unless these are super close friends being honest with you, ok. But I would not be ok with going to a DW and missing out on the best part. Don't make you girlfriends pay for a spa day at your request. That's absurd. Also, no potluck. Is that a joke? You don't invite people over to celebrate a pseudo reception and expect them to bring stuff. It isn't church. Also, big no on wearing your dress again. Why would you, it's not your reception and sounds like you wedding will be well before the holidays. I got married around Halloween and can't imagine, as much as I would love to, wearing my dress a month or two later. Sorry if that's all brash but you just have to trim your list if you can't afford the big package.

Maggie0829 · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_destination-wedding-ettiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9e7783ba-b8e0-4122-b1c1-c6e9dc114ed0Post:aef026c5-50e8-4a64-a5c7-44dcb8503683">Re: Destination Wedding Etiquette</a>:
[QUOTE]This has to be mud. So much wrong with this. No you can't invite some to events and not to ceremony and give them an all or nothing choice. Unless these are super close friends being honest with you, ok. But I would not be ok with going to a DW and missing out on the best part. Don't make you girlfriends pay for a spa day at your request. That's absurd. Also, no potluck. Is that a joke? You don't invite people over to celebrate a pseudo reception and expect them to bring stuff. It isn't church. Also, big no on wearing your dress again. Why would you, it's not your reception and sounds like you wedding will be well before the holidays. I got married around Halloween and can't imagine, as much as I would love to, wearing my dress a month or two later. Sorry if that's all brash but you just have to trim your list if you can't afford the big package.
Posted by MartinAston[/QUOTE]

Did you by any chance actually read any of reply posts by OP or did you just base your answer off her first entry?

Go back and read what OP said throughout the thread. I don't for a second believe this is MUD. It sounds like OP is stuck between a rock and a hard place because she wants to invite certain people but because of budget she can't.

As for the potluck she didn't mean it in the traditional sense. She further explained that in her family/friend circle it wouldn't matter if you were hosting an entire dinner and not asking for a thing from anyone, some people would still bring apps or drinks with them anyway. This is not a potluck, this is just friends and family who will bring stuff even if you tell them not to.

As for the re-wearing of the dress. I think that as long it isn't a Cinderella style dress with a huge tiara for the hair then she can rewear her dress. Also, I believe she said that this is her second wedding so she will not be wearing a traditional white wedding dress. So really the topic is moot.

MartinAston · November 2012

I stand corrected as for the potluck looking back on her posts, just as long as she doesn't treat it as a reception, but more of a get together. I still feel she shouldn't ask her girls to pay for a spa day
"The family dinner is a place that is extremely formal. I feel like this is like saying because I'm being married for a second time I cant wear white." I can't interpret what she's trying to say. If she plans on a cinderella dress, I don't think it's ok to wear again.

Most of the time on here everyone says how AHR have to be treated delicately and wearing a wedding gown breaks the rules. Not only that, everyone always tells poster you can't a/b list so I don't feel I'm wrong on making a list of only 20.

jessicabessica · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_destination-wedding-ettiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9e7783ba-b8e0-4122-b1c1-c6e9dc114ed0Post:24aeff37-f266-42a4-a0bd-4e18d4cad4e3">Re: Destination Wedding Ettiquette</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Destination Wedding Ettiquette : Thanks :). I really wish they offered a 30 person package that wasnt sold peacemeal that would have been more than perfect for us to eliminate politics and costs. However they offer it this way or the other way which means I feel the need to open the flood gates due to no restrictions on head count.
Posted by dewingedpixie[/QUOTE]

It sounds like you are using the package's limitations as an excuse to not invite people. If there are 30 people you want to invite and can afford to host, then do the less restricted package and invite 30. You don't have to tell people that you aren't limited by the package. It's rude for people to insist on being invited and repeatedly ask about it. Tell them you are keeping it small, but you are looking forward to seeing them when you get back.

Maggie0829 · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_destination-wedding-ettiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9e7783ba-b8e0-4122-b1c1-c6e9dc114ed0Post:58c60a65-d617-4f16-b144-9d5f31b831c0">Re: Destination Wedding Ettiquette</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Destination Wedding Ettiquette : It sounds like you are using the package's limitations as an excuse to not invite people. If there are 30 people you want to invite and can afford to host, then do the less restricted package and invite 30. You don't have to tell people that you aren't limited by the package. It's rude for people to insist on being invited and repeatedly ask about it. Tell them you are keeping it small, but you are looking forward to seeing them when you get back.
Posted by jessicabessica[/QUOTE]

She said in her original post that the larger package is out of their budget. But I am confused when she said that if they were able to do the larger package that a headcount would be almost impossible to get because of family politics.

I think the reason behind the smaller package is partly because of budget and partly because it is an excuse to not invite certain family members and to nix any drama that may be involved with the guest list.

dewingedpixie · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_destination-wedding-ettiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9e7783ba-b8e0-4122-b1c1-c6e9dc114ed0Post:e33f8896-7afc-4e0e-b9eb-6e145dd9c1ea">Re: Destination Wedding Etiquette</a>:
[QUOTE]I stand corrected as for the potluck looking back on her posts, just as long as she doesn't treat it as a reception, but more of a get together. I still feel she shouldn't ask her girls to pay for a spa day "The family dinner is a place that is extremely formal. I feel like this is like saying because I'm being married for a second time I cant wear white." I can't interpret what she's trying to say. If she plans on a cinderella dress, I don't think it's ok to wear again. Most of the time on here everyone says how AHR have to be treated delicately and wearing a wedding gown breaks the rules. Not only that, everyone always tells poster you can't a/b list so I don't feel I'm wrong on making a list of only 20.
Posted by MartinAston[/QUOTE]

I wouldnt be asking the girls to pay for a spa day. My close friend did a large nail appointment for her girls and anyone who wanted to attend after the bridal shower. She paid for her family members, and her bridal party. Everyone else paid their own check, this was stipulated upfront. I would pay for my bridal party, my family, myself, and I'd pay for the dinner at girls night out for everyone. The nail appointment also wouldnt technically be a part of the girls night out it would be prior to the shopping and dinner.

As to the dress situation this is mostly due to the fact we do have one guest who we will invite who has flat out said she at her age will likely not travel. This person is my FI's grandmother. The dress I bought is a champagne/ivory. If grandma wants us to go to a place where you wear evening gowns, for a private party, and wants me to wear my dress my FI grandma wins especially if she's offering to fork over for dinner and possibly do a private room. I'm ok with this, but I also have a closet with 6 other dresses that would work if its that huge of a deal.

The whole question was mainly asked because originally we anticipated doing a larger event of 40 total. We however could not estimate head counts and couldnt simply cut people in the family due to poor family relationships and a lot of drama in my family. Much of my family barely talks, the other half does nothing but point fingers and talk crap. We literally have had people not talk for years, and almost had brawls at family events. This literally left me with a situation of having to invite 35 family members to keep the peace and having no clue the responses, worst is many times they respond yes then simply dont show up! That means a loss of $250 a head, going way over budget, or more than likely both.

The only way to make fair cuts was to take a situation that said no more than a selected number of guests which left us down to immediate family members for invites. We would love to have a 30 person package we'd invite 30 and honestly probably end up with 20-22. Where we are going offers 20 person packages without receptions. We were going to pay for a double reception ourselves a formal dinner first followed by a dessert fireworks party. This makes things sticky because we do have 2-3 we would have invited but now cant due to this situation and inviting people that we know may not arrive. Of these 1 we may put in the final slot with her husband, that hasnt been decided yet.

Right now two friends have stated they want to make the trek down despite the fact I've stated I probably wont have ceremony slots, thats what makes this even more tricky. These two approached me last night together. One of the girls was one of my original intended bridesmaids, I actually played her wedding promenade last year. My biggest issue is her ability to make it without the other one may not happen. The one woman is one we may put into the final slot. Unless I 100% know who is showing I cant open a slot for the 2nd girl who we would have invited with a 40 person wedding but now due to this we cant. This is why I asked the question. One of the possibilities is that these two told me they may come down and the other will come as the date and they'll send their husbands to the golf course which would solve the entire situation. I just feel bad knowing they'll do this.

rigs32 · November 2012

It sounds like you might be talking about a large tourist destination in the sunshine state? Be sure to check the rules of the package, because I believe that the 20 people includes the bride and groom.

jessicabessica · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_destination-wedding-ettiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9e7783ba-b8e0-4122-b1c1-c6e9dc114ed0Post:9f60aea0-8fed-4587-8d5f-8b7de8ad2c79">Re: Destination Wedding Ettiquette</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Destination Wedding Ettiquette : She said in her original post that the larger package is out of their budget. But I am confused when she said that if they were able to do the larger package that a headcount would be almost impossible to get because of family politics. I think the reason behind the smaller package is partly because of budget and partly because it is an excuse to not invite certain family members and to nix any drama that may be involved with the guest list.
Posted by Maggie0829[/QUOTE]

<div>I guess I understood her OP to mean that the other package was out of budget because they wouldn't be able to limit the guestlist. Maybe they can afford 50 people in the other package (random number), but they wouldn't be able to limit it to 50. </div><div>
</div><div>I understand that it's easier to say to someone "My venue only allows 20" rather than "I don't want you at my wedding" (or even something nicer than that), but that just would be so transparent in my family. Sure, it's the venue's limit, but OP picked the venue and the package. I just think it's kind of a flimsy excuse, and it would be better if the OP was able to stand her ground on the number of people they wanted there and could afford. I'm assuming she can afford 30 in the other package, and that's what she said she wanted, she just cannot cap it at 30. </div>

dewingedpixie · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_destination-wedding-ettiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9e7783ba-b8e0-4122-b1c1-c6e9dc114ed0Post:36024f3d-8fd3-481c-a71a-9a7d5d4f1603">Re: Destination Wedding Ettiquette</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Destination Wedding Ettiquette Maybe they can afford 50 people in the other package (random number), but they wouldn't be able to limit it to 50. I understand that it's easier to say to someone "My venue only allows 20" rather than "I don't want you at my wedding" (or even something nicer than that), but that just would be so transparent in my family. Sure, it's the venue's limit, but OP picked the venue and the package. I just think it's kind of a flimsy excuse, and it would be better if the OP was able to stand her ground on the number of people they wanted there and could afford. I'm assuming she can afford 30 in the other package, and that's what she said she wanted, she just cannot cap it at 30.
Posted by jessicabessica[/QUOTE]

Saying "I dont want to invite you" will not fly in my family. My family is extremely hostile towards each other. I'm not kidding about almost brawls on the one side and severe issues of backstabbing on the other. This is why 9 out of 10 times I avoid 90% of my extended family its always a hot mess. My parents parents literally never talked to each other and the siblings are constantly fighting if they talk at all. This is why I had to limit down to only first degree relatives.It was the only political way to do it.

dewingedpixie · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_destination-wedding-ettiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9e7783ba-b8e0-4122-b1c1-c6e9dc114ed0Post:7c3ba175-0f6b-4144-bc93-3be2ac41d1f5">Re: Destination Wedding Etiquette</a>:
[QUOTE]You can have your destination wedding and reception for 20 people. Any event you have at a later date is NOT a wedding reception. If you wear your formal wedding dress after your wedding date, you will look like a fool and an AW. You can have as many parties as you wish, but they will not be part of your wedding. They will simply be parties. If including more people is that important to you, then change your plans and have a wedding at another place that can accomodate all your guests.
Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]

We never said it was a wedding reception. If I have to please people on the internet or family I choose family. We will likely push for me to wear another dress just due to a packing standpoint and I'd like to have the dress preserved ina box as soon as we get back.

Maggie0829 · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_destination-wedding-ettiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9e7783ba-b8e0-4122-b1c1-c6e9dc114ed0Post:ef79cb74-cad2-4757-a609-b10362949a98">Re: Destination Wedding Ettiquette</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Destination Wedding Ettiquette : Saying "I dont want to invite you" will not fly in my family. My family is extremely hostile towards each other. I'm not kidding about almost brawls on the one side and severe issues of backstabbing on the other. This is why 9 out of 10 times I avoid 90% of my extended family its always a hot mess. My parents parents literally never talked to each other and the siblings are constantly fighting if they talk at all. This is why I had to limit down to only first degree relatives.It was the only political way to do it.
Posted by dewingedpixie[/QUOTE]

If the families are so hostile with each other, have you given any though to just eloping? It sounds like you are having to do a lot of run around and trying to please all of these different people and you are forgetting that the two most important people in all of this is you and your FI. I am sorry you are having to deal with such crappy family members.

dewingedpixie · November 2012

Luckily our guest issue has fixed itself. The original two women who approached me will either a come alone their choice not mine or they are going to send their husbands out to play. This by the way was not my idea but theirs entirely. We even before the declines we expect will still have 2 extra slots now. I'm actually not worried about guest lists at all last night since my maid of honor also approached me telling me her husband wants to come but he understands with the 20 person minimum we may have others we'd prefer to come as did a mutual friend of our's boyfriend. We never mentioned how tight the list was to her just that we have chosen to go this route of a small packaged deal. My MOH knows my family first hand and told me this was the best option. My other friends who came to me the other night about travel arrangements suggesting that they'd come without their husbands, the second one called me yesturday to tell me that their husbands would go play golf. I told all three this wasnt necessary but they insist. So apparently without even asking or saying much beyond we hadnt fully selected a guest list due to the shrinking head count allowance my friends have made the decision much easier. I'm very lucky to have these people in my life. Issue is all fixed due to my girlfriends having awesome husbands and them also knowing how I always stress to make things fair. If the husbands come down we may opt them into the reception because I think particularly in this situation where they only knew we had a low head count ratio they chose to opt out of a ceremony to make things work for their wives/girlfriends. All of this makes me feel a lot better this morning.

dewingedpixie · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_destination-wedding-ettiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9e7783ba-b8e0-4122-b1c1-c6e9dc114ed0Post:cbc3c708-86a0-427d-88be-099da2e43c01">Re: Destination Wedding Ettiquette</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Destination Wedding Ettiquette : If the families are so hostile with each other, have you given any though to just eloping? It sounds like you are having to do a lot of run around and trying to please all of these different people and you are forgetting that the two most important people in all of this is you and your FI. I am sorry you are having to deal with such crappy family members.
Posted by Maggie0829[/QUOTE]

We both had court house weddings before. We'd really like to have our immediate family and close friends. I'd also like my daughter to have this experience as I divorced when she was very young. It was very important for me to do something that makes her feel like we are building a family together. Its actually another reason I opted this route rather than a larger wedding I'd like some focus to be on her. I'm going to take her to the bippity boppity Boo Botique that morning to have her hair done and let her pick a pretty dress. She will be giving me away.

I'm actually after last night and the decision we made 2 nights prior relaxed 100% about this decision and really excited for the first time since February when we decided to get married. I actually see this as a really fun trip now with all the people I love the most and I am going to marry the most amazing man! I cant wait to have our parents do dinner together, and go shopping with my ladies, wear a big dress, dress my daughter up, see my handsome groom, and start my forever family at our favorite place.

I have no more money or family stresses and I'm now super excited!

Destination Wedding Etiquette

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