Wording - no gifts

shannon5176 · May 2011

We are planning a small (20 guest) destination wedding in FL (we live in Indianapolis). I do not want gifts. We are 35 & 38, live together, own a home.....the only gift I want is for my friends and family to be at the wedding.

Is it acceptable to put something like "your presence is present enough" or "your presence is your gift" or something clever on the invitations. Or do you just leave this detail to word of mouth?

baystateapple · May 2011

Gifts are always optional. You can't write anything about it on the invitations. If people ask where you're registered, just spread through word of mouth that you're not, and decline any showers.

But people will probably give you gifts or cards regardless.

Calypso1977 · May 2011

its rude to mention gifts on an invitation - even if its to say "no gifts".

dont register, decline showers, and family can discreetly spread the word that you do not want gifts.

lyndausvi · May 2011

You are inviting 20 people. I assume they are your closest and most important people in your lives. Just let it go. Getting gifts is not the worst thing in the world to have to deal with.

smokeybailey · May 2011

I had a very smart ass remark for you but I deleted it to be the bigger person.

Don't put anything on the invite.
Spread via word of mouth that you don't want anything.
Create a very small registry. There will be at least one person who wants you to buy you something.
If you do not register at all, it can be construed as asking for cash.

Assuming those 20 people are indeed close to you, they will KNOW you and what you want/need. No matter how many times you tell people, don't bring a gift, people do. Trust me...I am doing this very thing this weekend. Girlfriend should have registered for something.

shannon5176 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wording-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:cc1af237-14f0-4e9a-98a6-d3efc7048cebPost:36116ccd-f44e-4421-9609-59b4443c69b0">Re: Wording - no gifts</a>:
[QUOTE]You are inviting 20 people. I assume they are your closest and most important people in your lives. Just let it go. <strong>Getting gifts is not the worst thing in the world to have to deal with.
</strong>Posted by lyndausvi[/QUOTE]

Hahaha! This made me giggle. Good point.

Calypso1977 · May 2011

If you do not register at all, it can be construed as asking for cash.

it can be an indicator that a couple might like cash, but it is in no way ASKING for cash. registries are a relatively new thing. back in the day no one registered, and no one took that as the couple asking for cash. it is not rude or a faux pas to not register. in fact, there are some folks who think registering is rude even tho its socially acceptable now because it assumes you expect gifts.

amys325 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wording-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:cc1af237-14f0-4e9a-98a6-d3efc7048cebPost:36116ccd-f44e-4421-9609-59b4443c69b0">Re: Wording - no gifts</a>:
[QUOTE]You are inviting 20 people. I assume they are your closest and most important people in your lives. Just let it go. Getting gifts is not the worst thing in the world to have to deal with.
Posted by lyndausvi[/QUOTE]

I agree with this or you can spread it by word of mouth. :)

We had a DW and then 3 AHRs and we put on the invite "Your friendship is important to us, we ask that you bring no gifts." Because it would have been impossible to tell EVERYONE.

melhigs · May 2011

I don't find it rude to mention *not* wanting gifts. It's only rude to mention gifts if you are asking for them! Otherwise, people will assume they need to buy you something. The line "your presence is present enough" is really, really cute. Some people might still get you small things, but accept these graciously and don't make a public display of them.

Brandiewine11 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wording-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:cc1af237-14f0-4e9a-98a6-d3efc7048cebPost:7fbe8727-e00f-45d7-baea-529d11630b14">Re: Wording - no gifts</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't find it rude to mention *not* wanting gifts. It's only rude to mention gifts if you are asking for them! Otherwise, people will assume they need to buy you something. The line "your presence is present enough" is really, really cute. Some people might still get you small things, but accept these graciously and don't make a public display of them.
Posted by melhigs[/QUOTE]

<div>Sorry, but you are wrong. It is rude to mention gifts at all, even if to say "no gifts" - it implies that you were expecting one in the first place, which you shouldn't. So, OP, don't do this.</div>

LDYGTR13 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wording-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:cc1af237-14f0-4e9a-98a6-d3efc7048cebPost:7fbe8727-e00f-45d7-baea-529d11630b14">Re: Wording - no gifts</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't find it rude to mention *not* wanting gifts. It's only rude to mention gifts if you are asking for them! Otherwise, people will assume they need to buy you something. <strong>The line "your presence is present enough" is really, really <em>vomit inducing</em>. </strong>Some people might still get you small things, but accept these graciously and don't make a public display of them.
Posted by melhigs[/QUOTE]

Fixed that for ya!

You're welcome!

OP - listen to the smarty pants people above. What's so wrong with getting a present? I like presents.

smokeybailey · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wording-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:cc1af237-14f0-4e9a-98a6-d3efc7048cebPost:24e8f417-7f0e-417d-98af-aeb0ee1ac9f8">Re: Wording - no gifts</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wording - no gifts : And if you register for gifts it can be construed as asking for gifts.....
Posted by Liatris2010[/QUOTE]

You missed my point entirely. People will STILL want to give her a gift REGARDLESS of what she says so if she has a small registry, that allows them to buy her something. If not, they may give her a check which may make her feel even more awkward than if she got something nice for her home. No matter how many times you tell some people no gifts, they will still by them. So you have a choice...either register for some small things you are comfortable with, be ready to accept cash or be ready to accept whatever thing they pick up at the store, which may be non-returnable and exactly the same as what Aunt Edna already bought you. Everyone needs two lawn gnomes.

LDYGTR13 · May 2011

I was hoping for lawn gnomes for wedding presents. Those or a kegerator.

LDYGTR13 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wording-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:cc1af237-14f0-4e9a-98a6-d3efc7048cebPost:82b588f7-a234-4022-aac7-2b407a9573cd">Re: Wording - no gifts</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wording - no gifts : One reason why I HATE it when people say "No gifts, please:" There are some people who will always bring a gift, regardless. This may very well make the people who followed the no-gift request feel bad for not bringing a gift. It's awkward, don't do it.
Posted by bree4305[/QUOTE]

That actually happened to me on wednesday! My friend's mom got her PhD and her husband surprised her with a party - "no gifts please" was on the invite, but f*ckers still brought presents and I felt like a jerkface for not even bringing a card.

And so did a few other guests who made mention of it to the guest of honor. No fun

ootmother2 · May 2011

I made the big mistake of putting "no gifts please" in the engagement party invitation. We had about 80 guests, both sides represented although the party was at FOB's clubhouse. It was fabulous, dancing & great food, he did a wonderful job and the B&G loved it.

Some people brought a bottle of wine, a plant, smaller stuff but the groom's family totally ingnored me. They brough a good number of expensvei gifts even after I put that on the invite. That caused a lot of the other guests taking our large bills and getting envelopes or cards for them. ugh!

We knew that there would be at least 5 showers given for them before the wedding. That plus wedding gifts they would receive, I thought it was just too
much!

One lady, My BFF from childhood as well as being the bride's godmother, brough a beautiful Marta Stewart Wedding Planner. I understood her thinkinng because she had cancer and knew she would not make the wedding a year later.

By the time the wedding came, the registries had been bought out, I guess that's why they got a ton of cash & Tiffany crystal candlesticks and vases.

amys325 · May 2011

Let me preface this by saying....no matter what type of hosted event I go to, I NEVER go empty handed. Even when people tell me no gifts. Bottle of wine, a gift card, something. Even if it's a movie night at a friends house. If someone said no gifts and I came to the party, gave a $10 bottle of wine and someone else showed up with a set of Tiffany and Co. Crystal Champagne Flutes, I wouldn't feel bad that my gift wasn't as expensive. Even if I brought nothing, i wouldn't feel bad at all. You can't worry about what other people choose to do.

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