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Changed my mind about a bridesmaid...help!

becksterrrr05becksterrrr05 member
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in Wedding Party
Hi everyone! I am stuck in quite a situation, unfortunately I've seemed to do it to myself. My fianc I got engaged 2 years ago, and right away we started planning our wedding. I jumped the gun and asked my sister, my lifelong best friend, a friend from college to be in my wedding party. Unfortunately, a few months after getting engaged our wedding planning came to a sudden halt because my fianc had gotten laid off we needed to dip into our wedding fund in order to live at the time. After a year a half of being unemployed he was finally able to get another job. We are currently back in stable finances starting to plan our wedding again. We are aiming for November 2013! But, in the meantime, as these past 2 years have gone by, the girl who was a college friend has kind of fallen off the face of the earth. She was someone who I was kind of close with in college, and when I got engaged I thought I wanted her involved in my wedding. But we don't talk anymore, she lives far away, and I haven't seen her since 2 years ago at her own wedding which I was just a guest, not in the bridal party, and she was completely rude to me at her wedding. Now that I'm starting to plan our wedding again, I'm afraid she's going to come out of the woodwork think she's still going to be in my wedding, but truth is, I no longer consider her to be a good friend of mine, she's more of an acquaintance, if that! So, my question is, what do I do? Do I wait see I she even brings it up, or should I be the one to bring it up? Should I even invite her to the wedding, or would that be more of a slap in the face than just not inviting her altogether?! I don't know what to do. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but at the same time I really don't want someone who I barely know anymore to be involved in my wedding. Help please! :
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Re: Changed my mind about a bridesmaid...help!

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    Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    When you postponed your wedding the first time did you tell everyone that you were no longer going to get married and that all wedding planning has been put on hold indefinitely until your finances are a bit more stable?

    If you did, then you basically cancelled your first wedding so to speak and now are planning a completely new one.  I would wait until you are atleast 8-9 months out before you ask anyone to be in your wedding party again.  Most times when a bride has to cancel their wedding due to whatever reason the bridal party is disbannded and just because that same bride starts a new planning process does not mean that the same bridal party is in place.

    It is a sticky situation but I would just go on with your planning and do not bring the subject up.  As far as if you want to invite her to the wedding that is really a personal choice.  If you want to salvage the friendship then I would invite her but if you are ok letting the friendship go then just move on with your life.  Sometimes friendships end that way when both people grow up and grow apart...there is no good-byes or a big fight the two people just stop talking and go on with their lives.

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    becksterrrr05becksterrrr05 member
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    Maggie Yes, when we had to postpone the wedding, we did make it known to everyone our situation. Fortunately we hadn't made any commitments or made any deposits or anything, but we did have a general idea of when we were looking to get married, we had made that known to our closer friends family. So yes, essentially it's like we're starting fresh, and she doesn't even know about it because she's not involved in our lives at all anymore. The friendship has just completely fallen apart, for no particular rhyme or reason.
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    Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    If that is the case then just go on with your life and your wedding planning without her.  Like I said, some friendships just run their course.  This sounds like what has happened with your friendships, it isn't a bad thing or something you should be sad about but that is just how life works sometimes.  Just remember the good times you had and then look towards the future and think of all the great times to come.

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    Ali092011Ali092011 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment
    I agree with Maggie's advice. Your friend would be a little crazy to expect to be included if you truly haven't spoken in two years. I probably wouldn't ultimately choose to invite her to the wedding at all, but that's totally up to you and depends on how small of a guest list you're working with.

    Just go ahead with your planning and don't include her. If she does come out of the woodwork, maybe your friendship can be saved and you'll become close enough again that you will want her there, or maybe not. I would just let it be whatever it will be, and not try to force anything.
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    sparkles776sparkles776 member
    Name Dropper First Comment First Anniversary
    I agree with the other ladies. To me it sounds like your first wedding was cancelled really and now you are starting fresh, if you truly havent talked to her in 2 years, I would probably not even invite her if you are ok with letting the friendship go.
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    aerinpegadrakaerinpegadrak member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    If you haven't talked to her in a long time, I would continue not talking to her.  If you're friends with her on FB/G+, I'd be very cautious about saying anything on there about the wedding where she can see, if you really don't want her suddenly realizing that it's back on.

    But, as stage said, if you still have some sort of relationship with her, then I'd bring it up and see what she says.  Sometimes it's worth including someone in the WP to honor what the friendship used to be, even if it's gone sour.
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    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
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    SmallenForeverSmallenForever member
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    I wouldn't include her or invite her, if you're cool with never being her friend again. 
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    huneb1812huneb1812 member
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    If she was close enough to you at one point to ask her to be a BM, she was an important person in your life that you don't want to hurt. A simple phone call (or at least a FB message) explaining that you are having a more intimate wedding than originally expected would clear any hard feelings. Good luck!
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