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Engagement - To Accept an Heirloom Ring or Not?

I have a bit of a dilema. I've been dating my intended for four years, and we've always known we wanted to get married but have been waiting to get engaged until we can actually act upon it in a decent time frame! That time has finally come, and we've been gearing up to choose a ring.  My boyfriend's grandmother's ring is available to us, and his mother has encouraged me to accept it and to even take the stones out and re-set them, and to turn in the gold to go toward our new purchase.

This is incredibly generous, but I feel sort of bad accepting and essentially destroying a family heirloom, especially when I'm not willing to do the same to my own great-grandmother's ring.  Future Mother-in-law assures me, as does my boyfriend, that this is totally fine with them, but I still feel a bit odd.

My question is, has anyone else been in this situation, and what did you do?  Was there any in-law fallout down the road, such as them holding the fact that you accepted that ring against you or never letting you forget what a favor they did you?

We really can't afford anything NEARLY as nice on our own, and I've never thought of myself as the bridezilla type, or the type to go crazy over diamonds (I used to say I didn't care if I had one or not), but now that these diamonds have been basically promised to me my materialistic side is finding it hard to refuse them.

Help!! To accept the ring, or not to accept the ring?

Re: Engagement - To Accept an Heirloom Ring or Not?

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    edited December 2011
    My ring is actually an heirloom ring that my fiance had reset into something that was more my style.  The setting that the diamond was originally in was EXTREMELY outdated and damaged, so everyone encouraged him to have it reset.  His family was so supportive of all of this b/c the ring was just sitting in a jewelry box, not being used.  Also, his great grandmother specifically left it to him (my fiance is Joseph IV and her husband was Joseph I).  I love my ring b/c it has a lot of meaning behind it and isn't something that he just picked out of a showcase. 

    If his family is telling you that they won't be upset, then I would trust them.  It's so hard to figure out when people aren't being genuine, so you'll drive yourself crazy if you keep thinking about it.

    I hope this helps!!
    Pregnancy Ticker
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    BackpackersBackpackers member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    If you like the way the ring looks now, would you consider not taking it apart? Maybe it would feel more natural then and not so strange?
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    edited December 2011
    Do you like the setting at all?  If you like the setting, just not as your engagement ring, take the diamonds and have them put in a setting that you really like.  Replace the stones in the original place setting with your birthstone and where it on special occasions.  Or if FI has a sister, have it set with her birthstone and give it to her as a gift-that way it's like you're sharing the ring.
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    edited December 2011
    My center stone is an heirloom too. It belonged to my FI grandmother. It was his mom's idea to take it out of the setting and have it reset.  I don't think it is that uncommon. If your significant other and his family are fine with it, I say go for it :)
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    edited December 2011
    Unfortunately I'm not wild about the setting, plus my FI's grandmother's fingers were much smaller than mine... I know we could have it hammered out, but I'd like to make some changes to make it "mine".  Plus I'd prefer white gold... again, we could just have that one plated, but it still wouldn't feel like it belonged to me. :)
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    edited December 2011
    I want to believe his mom, but the other day -- RIGHT after she called me to ask how I felt about the situation, which is another indicator it should be okay -- she had a talk with my FI about when he was going to pick it up from her, they disagreed on something, and she began with the "You know, I don't have to give you this ring" threats.  I agree, she doesn't have to, and it's wonderful of her to offer it, but on the other hand I am afraid this is only the beginning of a long line of unwelcome MIL emotional instability.
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    StephanieS17StephanieS17 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    The center stone in my ring is my FI's great great grandmothers that he had reset into a new setting, I love it so much and how much sentimental value it has not only to me but his family as well. If they say it's fine go for it, it will mean more to you and them that you have a piece of their family with you!
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    edited December 2011
    Thank you everyone for your input!  We decided to go with it, and we took the ring to some local jewelers.  At first we were discouraged, since one said they could only use the center stone and that our gold trade in wasn't worth much, but the second place we visited (Gold Creations in Broofield, WI - highly recommended!!) was more than happy to use ALL of our stones and to create us a completely custom ring from the ground up, exactly to our specifications, and all for under $500!!  We are extremely happy, as this is under budget, and we still get to use all the stones from that meaningful ring!
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