Bridesmaid question...

chel211 · April 2011

We asked my fiance's sister to be in the wedding party. She is currently pregnant with her first child and due at the end of May. The wedding is early Sept. of this year. She is wanting to not be in the wedding due to her not wanting to order a dress with the rest of the bridesmaids. The order has to be placed now so the dresses will be in on time and altered if needed. She won't even consider ordering it now based on ordering it a little bigger so it can be altered. I strongly feel that she should be in the wedding. Most dresses need to be altered anyway so I don't see the big problem. There are plenty of women who have been in similar situations and made it work. It really bothers that she is refusing to even consider this. It's her brother's wedding. Am I overracting to her not wanting to be in the wedding?

erinlynnmccrea · April 2011

I think when someone is pregnant a lot of stuff comes up, the real reason might be that she doesnt want to leave her baby or such. Why not let her pick her own dress after the baby just as long as it is in the same color so she will feel more comfortable. She is probably feeling huge as it is right now and does not want to feel worse about herself by ordering a dress 8 sizes to big. I would just sit down and talk to her, hear out what she has to say before getting really upset about it.

mbcdefg · April 2011

When you ask someone to be your bridesmaid, it's an invitation. It's not a subpoena. An invitation means that you can either say yes or no, and she chose to say no.

Don't take it personally. I'm sure this is not personal against you - she probably feels that she will be uncomfortable. I also don't blame her for not wanting to spend the money on a formal maternity outfit that she will most likely never wear again (at least with a non-maternity dress, the girls have a slim chance of wearing it again. The odds of re-wearing a maternity gown are even lower than that).

Like cfas said, you could say, "What if you were to get an inexpensive off-the-rack maternity dress in a coordinating or neutral color? Would that change your mind?" And you can tie in your wedding color with flowers or a shawl. It really does not matter if she's not in the exact same dress as the other bridesmaids ... nobody will notice or care.

Otherwise, just say, "I understand. We'd love to have you in our wedding party but of course it's your decision. Just know that if you change your mind down the line, we will find a way to make it work so that you're included and comfortable. Otherwise, we hope you can enjoy yourself as an honored guest." (And if she chooses to just be a guest, I would get her a corsage since she's a family member, and maybe ask if she'd like to do a reading.)

slwager · April 2011

She is perhaps going to be a breastfeeding mother during your wedding. I can easily see how she wouldn't want added responsibility/stress early in her motherhood--even for a day.

It's sweet that you want her around...but is it because you really care about her? Or because you think she "should" be there?

Like the OPs said she can buy another dress later, or just be present.

Magdala9 · April 2011

You do not need the stress of a cranky bridesmaid. Let it go.

artbyallie · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-question-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:753a0c2b-62cc-4a23-b588-08d8ff6836f5Post:aa5ba4d2-4b64-47f9-add1-dac34b919021">Re: Bridesmaid question...</a>:
[QUOTE]What dresses are you getting that have to be ordered in April for a Sept wedding???
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

<div>This. Bridal stores LIE about when you need to order so they can get your money. (David's is especially bad about this, considering that they usually have stuff in warehouses all ready to go) She could easily order a dress in June/July and have it in time or, as PPs have suggested, wait until closer to time and get one off the rack in the right color.</div>

DNAtime · April 2011

The dress is only an issue if YOU make it an issue. I am getting married in just under 3 months and 2 of my 5 maid have not yet ordered their dresses. Its fine.
Allow her to purchase a different dresss or whatever. NOT all dresses need to be altered, NOT all dresses need to be ordered 6 months in advance. Bridal stores lie to you to get more money out of you.

If she really doesn't want to be in the wedding, let it go. She is an adult and can make her own decisions.

chel211 · April 2011

Thanks for all the responses. She now says she wants to be in the wedding however still says that she may back out if she doesn't like the dress once it's ordered and altered. We ordered teh dresses from House of Brides in Illinois. Which I am getting more and more skeptical about with these dresses. Mine is from there too! They say the need to order them now so they can be delivered by August. I should have done more asking about how long it takes to get the dresses rather than go with a dress I like! Oh well! I didn't realize what a pain it was going to be...other bridesmaids didn't have a problem with it! and it never crossed my mind!

chel211 · April 2011

So if you let her pick a dress later on what are the chances she will find one that matches in color and from the same designer? I do like this idea as an alternative but I am worried that in the end that she won't be able to find one that matches or it will be a totally different color. When you go to shops they seem to have random colors available in all sorts of styles and sizes. I wouldn't want her to wear satin if the other 3 girls are wearing chiffon. Not that it has to be perfect by any means but then I should have just let everyone pick out there own dress so one doesn't stand out. Does that make sense? Can you even buy a dress off the rack like that anyway? Just wondering!
Thanks!

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