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Catholic Weddings

Living Together

FI and I live together Friday-Monday when I don't have class and go up to visit him for the weekend, is this something that the priest is going to yell at us for?
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Re: Living Together

  • edited December 2011
    No, he will not yell at you. He is probably just going to ask you that you sleep in seperate rooms/beds if at all possible and are refraining from sexual activity until marriage. My H and I lived together prior to marriage due to financial & economic reasons and that is pretty much what our priest talked with us about. He is not going to call you out on these things even if you are not obstaining until marriage, he is just trying to help you examine your conscious. And you will probably want to go to confession before the wedding date.
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  • Calypso1977Calypso1977 member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 25 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    honestly, since you will both be providing separate legal addresses when you fill out your paperwork, he probably wont even know.  regardless, he would never "yell" at you. 

    however, you should be aware that the church does view sex before marriage as a sin, so you should be prepared to examine your conscience/soul prior to receiving your sacrament.  it is also possible to live together and not have sex - H and i did for about 6-7 months.  if you are currently having sex, you may want to consider abstaining in the time leading up to your marriage.   my H and i found this to be very rewarding.
  • edited December 2011
    My FH and I did it for FOUR YEARS! It is possible to co-habitate and abstain from sex. We also lived together due to financial reasons, and know for a fact that if a man loves and respects you it is possible to abstain.
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: Living Together:
    [QUOTE]My FH and I did it for FOUR YEARS! It is possible to co-habitate and abstain from sex. We also lived together due to financial reasons, and know for a fact that if a man loves and respects you it is possible to abstain.
    Posted by lalee0618[/QUOTE]

    Holy cow!  You must have had one heck of a wedding night! ;)  That is really impressive and more women who want to abstain but worry that their man won't stay with them if they do should know that it IS possible.
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  • Jasmine&RajahJasmine&Rajah member
    Knottie Warrior 100 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    [QUOTE] . . . more women who want to abstain but worry that their man won't stay with them if they do should know that it IS possible.
    Posted by greengirl09[/QUOTE]

    You're right, greengirl.  And any man who will not stay with the woman he loves because she won't sleep with him before marriage is not fit to be the spiritual head of a Christian family anyhow.
  • clearheavensclearheavens member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments Name Dropper 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    The priest, if he's a good one, is supposed to be charitable.  He will never yell at you.  If you volunteer the information to him, he will help guide you how to lead a chaste life. Ditto the people above.  He will most likely advise you how to not put yourselves in the occasion of sin.  In other words, if any of you are purposely stimulating each other, that is not an appropriate expression of love before marriage.

    Also, know the difference between abstinence and chastity.  Abstinence is simply not having sex.  But chastity is a mindset, and as Catholics, you are called to be chaste before and even during marriage.  If you learn how to be chaste now when you're living with your FI, then you can easier learn how to be chaste during marriage, and I believe this road will take you on a very joy-filled marriage.
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  • meganb1977meganb1977 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Agree with pp's he shouldn't be too stern with you so give it a chance and be honest.
    Whoever said it was supposed to be happily ever after is a big fat liar.
  • edited December 2011
    I would hope that the Priest would never ask you to sleep in separate beds or obstain from sex!! You know what is "expected" being a Catholic, and it is your personal decision to live your life the way you want to. If the Priest tells you what is "right", then I personally would not want that Priest marrying me.
    while the Catholic church does not want us to have sex before marriage, that doesn't make it morally wrong. It is what you feel is right or wrong, and how you want to live, and NOBODY should be judging you, Priest or not.
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  • agapecarrieagapecarrie member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments 100 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: Living Together:
    [QUOTE]I would hope that the Priest would never ask you to sleep in separate beds or obstain from sex!! You know what is "expected" being a Catholic, and it is your personal decision to live your life the way you want to. If the Priest tells you ICatholic church does not want us to have sex before marriage, that doesn't make it morally wrong. It is what you feel is right or wrong, and how you want to live, and NOBODY should be judging you, Priest or not.
    Posted by cindy91788[/QUOTE]

    Actually, it does make it morally wrong. Truth isn't relative to what you want it to be.

    By telling someone that stealing is wrong, you aren't judging them, you are caring for their soul. I would definitely trust someone that had courage enough to challenge me in my actions that weren't in line with the Christian life. This means he's doing his job.
  • edited December 2011
    Yell at you, no. Encourage you to refrain from staying together before marriage, probably. Tell you to abstain from sex before marriage, definitely.

    Just be honest and I'm sure you'll find most Priests are very understanding.
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  • mica178mica178 member
    5000 Comments Fourth Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: Living Together:
    [QUOTE]Yell at you, no. Encourage you to refrain from staying together before marriage, probably. Tell you to abstain from sex before marriage, definitely. Just be honest and I'm sure you'll find most Priests are very understanding.
    Posted by Booger+Bear[/QUOTE]

    This. 

    I was anxious about going to confession after being away from the church for many years.  My FI reassured me and said, "do you think there's anything you could say to a priest that he hasn't already heard?"  The important thing is honesty (and really, priests can usually tell when you're lying), repentance, and openness to correcting wrongs.
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: Living Together:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Living Together : Actually, it does make it morally wrong. Truth isn't relative to what you want it to be. By telling someone that stealing is wrong, you aren't judging them, you are caring for their soul. I would definitely trust someone that had courage enough to challenge me in my actions that weren't in line with the Christian life. This means he's doing his job.
    Posted by agapecarrie[/QUOTE]
    How can you say that something someone does is morally wrong? Everyone has their own morals..so something may be morally wrong to you, but that doesn't mean it is morally wrong to them. The Catholic church doesn't approve of sex before marriage - so if you are a devout Catholic, and accept that as your "morals" that is one thing. But that doesn't it make it morally wrong to everyone - whether they are Catholic or not. Only she can decide what she feels and believes is "wrong".
    Stealing is wrong because it is AGAINST THE LAW . So if I told someone that stealing is wrong, that is why - not because I am "caring for their soul". If someone robs my house, that is wrong because it is against the law. I could care less about their soul.
    I'm sick and tired of people preaching their religion to others.
    The girl that started this thread was worried that the Priest would yell at her for living with her Fiance before marriage.
    A) if you are worried that a Priest is going to yell at you, then that is pretty sad and B) if a Priest did yell at you, or tell you that you are a sinner and you should go to confession, then I pray for your soul. LOL
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  • agapecarrieagapecarrie member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments 100 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    The civil law does not determine God's moral law. Just because it is legal does not make it right.

    Moral truth is moral truth, it doesn't change because of your feelings of wanting it to be right, or because its difficult to live out. The beginnings are outlined in the 10 commandments that God sent. They aren't really up for discussion, and I'm not going to give God  directions on how it should really be, I'm going to follow His laws that he set forth, guarded by the church.

    And last, your fliippant way of referring to "praying for your soul" with a "lol" is terribly offensive. I take my eternal soul dead seriously, and don't play around with it.


  • edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: Living Together:
    [QUOTE]The civil law does not determine God's moral law. Just because it is legal does not make it right. Moral truth is moral truth, it doesn't change because of your feelings of wanting it to be right, or because its difficult to live out. The beginnings are outlined in the 10 commandments that God sent. They aren't really up for discussion, and I'm not going to give God  directions on how it should really be, I'm going to follow His laws that he set forth, guarded by the church. And last, your fliippant way of referring to "praying for your soul" with a "lol" is terribly offensive. I take my eternal soul dead seriously, and don't play around with it.
    Posted by agapecarrie[/QUOTE]
    sorry to hear that.
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: Living Together:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Living Together : How can you say that something someone does is morally wrong? Everyone has their own morals..so something may be morally wrong to you, but that doesn't mean it is morally wrong to them. The Catholic church doesn't approve of sex before marriage - so if you are a devout Catholic, and accept that as your "morals" that is one thing. But that doesn't it make it morally wrong to everyone - whether they are Catholic or not. Only she can decide what she feels and believes is "wrong". Stealing is wrong because it is AGAINST THE LAW . So if I told someone that stealing is wrong, that is why - not because I am "caring for their soul". If someone robs my house, that is wrong because it is against the law. I could care less about their soul. I'm sick and tired of people preaching their religion to others. The girl that started this thread was worried that the Priest would yell at her for living with her Fiance before marriage. A) if you are worried that a Priest is going to yell at you, then that is pretty sad and B) if a Priest did yell at you, or tell you that you are a sinner and you should go to confession, then I pray for your soul. LOL
    Posted by cindy91788[/QUOTE]

    Perhaps you missed that you are posting in the CATHOLIC section of the boards on TK?! 

    If you want to steer clear of religious talk then maybe you should go find one of the many, many other boards and post there.  And if you're just here to get people riled up then that is incredibly lame and you should probably get a life.  
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  • mica178mica178 member
    5000 Comments Fourth Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: Living Together:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Living Together : Perhaps you missed that you are posting in the CATHOLIC section of the boards on TK?!  If you want to steer clear of religious talk then maybe you should go find one of the many, many other boards and post there.  And if you're just here to get people riled up then that is incredibly lame and you should probably get a life.  
    Posted by dwest2201[/QUOTE]

    This. 

    Who would have thought the Catholic board would have a troll? 
  • edited December 2011
    The reason I posted on a Catholic board is because my particular situation involved a Catholic wedding and Pre Cana counseling. I figured there was a better chance of people on this board having an understanding of the situation and know where I'm coming from.
    I never in a million years expected to be that many super religious people on these message boards.. so I never expected a lot of religious talk. Obviously, I was wrong, and I have learned that I will not be posting any other questions on the Catholic boards, because I do not agree with 95% of what the rest of the people here believe.
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  • clearheavensclearheavens member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments Name Dropper 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: Living Together:
    [QUOTE]The reason I posted on a Catholic board is because my particular situation involved a Catholic wedding and Pre Cana counseling. I figured there was a better chance of people on this board having an understanding of the situation and know where I'm coming from. I never in a million years expected to be that many super religious people on these message boards.. so I never expected a lot of religious talk. Obviously, I was wrong, and I have learned that I will not be posting any other questions on the Catholic boards, because I do not agree with 95% of what the rest of the people here believe.
    Posted by cindy91788[/QUOTE]

    We will always welcome you and listen to your situation no matter what experience of faith you are currently. All of us are sinners and we all can use one another's help in living the way that God has taught us.  In answering your questions, we try to explain the teachings and proclaim (sometimes even defend) the Gospel and the Church.   If our answers offend you, I'm sorry because it's strictly not meant to, we emphasize kindness and charity on this board.  But moral truth is not relative.  Here, you will find only straight answers.
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  • Riss91Riss91 member
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Why would someone who doesn't agree with 95% of what the Catholic church teaches, still consider themselves a Catholic? Cindy, I know you are not a minority in this, so this is not just about you. There are plently of people (some in my own family) that feel, as you do, that you simply choose to do what you think is right, even if it is against church teachings. I wonder often why those who disagree so greatly with basic principles of the church, would want to associate themself with it by calling themself Catholic? Wouldn't it make more sense to find a religion that better suits your belief system?

  • edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: Living Together:
    [QUOTE]Why would someone who doesn't agree with 95% of what the Catholic church teaches, still consider themselves a Catholic? Cindy, I know you are not a minority in this, so this is not just about you. There are plently of people (some in my own family) that feel, as you do, that you simply choose to do what you think is right, even if it is against church teachings. I wonder often why those who disagree so greatly with basic principles of the church, would want to associate themself with it by calling themself Catholic? Wouldn't it make more sense to find a religion that better suits your belief system?
    Posted by Riss91[/QUOTE]
    If you really want my 100% honest answer to this question.. for myself, it is because religion doesn't play much of a part in my life, therefore I have no desire to find a religion that suits my belief system better.
    You are right in a lot of what you said, and I don't really know the "why" behind it, other than that religion is not so important to many people.
    I just don't feel that it hurts anyone to live my life the way i want to - to make the choices that I want to make - and still call myself Catholic. (because I am Catholic)
    It may offend some Catholics and for that I am sorry, because I have no intention to offend anyone. But on the other hand, I need to live my life the way that makes me happy and I cannot be concerned with what other people think about my religious beliefs.
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  • Riss91Riss91 member
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    I see your point of view. I do think that generally society feels that many people aren't that religious anymore, but I'm not so sure that is true. I think there has been so many stigmas around being religious that those that are religious, suppress it.

    I know I am one of the more religious people in my family, most of my family is incomfortable with it, so I don't bring it up. Many of them would have little idea of how "devout" I am. I think that is the case with many people today. You tell someone you are of a certain religion, they instantly stereotype you. It happens with ethnicities and other groups as well. With respect to religion, I feel like many would rather practice in quiet than cause a rift with their family and friends. But I do think there are many more religious people than what the general public would think.

    I am sure you don't mean to offend. I will be honest and say that it does offend me when someone belittles something I truly believe in. I think many of us are trying to protect the church and its teachings. I'm sure you would agree that as more and more Catholics scoff at certain Catholic ideas, the less that society views those ideas as valid. So, it is logical that we would try our best to educate and explain these ideas to those that attack them.

    Similar to what you said about wanting to live your life the way you see it, without being ridiculed for it. We should be able to do the same. Thanks for your explanation. Best wishes on your wedding plans!
  • clearheavensclearheavens member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments Name Dropper 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: Living Together:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Living Together : If you really want my 100% honest answer to this question.. for myself, it is because religion doesn't play much of a part in my life, therefore I have no desire to find a religion that suits my belief system better. You are right in a lot of what you said, and I don't really know the "why" behind it, other than that religion is not so important to many people. I just don't feel that it hurts anyone to live my life the way i want to - to make the choices that I want to make - and still call myself Catholic. (because I am Catholic) It may offend some Catholics and for that I am sorry, because I have no intention to offend anyone. But on the other hand, I need to live my life the way that makes me happy and I cannot be concerned with what other people think about my religious beliefs.
    Posted by cindy91788[/QUOTE]

    This response isn't just geared towards you, but for the lurkers in lurkerland who are also Catholic but don't accept the teachings of the Church.
    It's not uncommon for Catholics to feel they can pick and choose the teachings they believe in.  We live in a culture that rejects objective truth.  "What may be true for you, isn't true for me," or "my opinion is just as valid as anyone else's."  But what Jesus taught is very different.  He taught that he is the Truth, and he established the Church to teach us the truth.
    You mentioned quite a few times in other posts that you hate how Catholics impose our beliefs and how closed minded we are.  The Church never imposes her teachings.  One of our greatest gifts given to us is our free will.   But the Church does proposes to the world what it means to love and what will bring true joy.  The Church upholds God's will as the objective standard for all.  Taking a quote from a famous apologetic from the 20th century, G.K. Chesterton said, " The object of opening the mind, as of opening the mouth, is to shut it again on something solid."    Love isn't arbitrary.  It isn't what makes you "feel good."  Love is following Christ and keeping his commandments.  You are free to embrace the Church's proposal or reject it.
    We do listen to what each poster here says.  And we do respect what everyone believes.  There is nothing wrong with questioning Church teachings.  This is the path to the surety and freedom of faith.  The truth is not afraid of your questions.  This board helps those also with a sincere desire to seek the truth and to learn about the Catholic faith and further understand the Church.  Archbishop Fulton said, "There are not over a hundred people in the US who hate the Catholic Church.  There are millions, however, who hate what they wrongly believe to be the Catholic Church, which is of course, quite a different thing."
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  • agapecarrieagapecarrie member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments 100 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    It comes down to pascal's wager, really. Which essentially is...what if you're wrong? What if the church is true?

    If God doesn't exist, but one lives as if He does (And all that means which includes studying to find out the truth about Him, and "being religious") then nothing really happens except a more peaceful life filled with hope.

    But if He does exist, and one is presented with the truth and rejects it, what happens then? Eternity is very real. God gives us free will to accept Him or reject Him.
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: Living Together:
    [QUOTE]I see your point of view. I do think that generally society feels that many people aren't that religious anymore, but I'm not so sure that is true. I think there has been so many stigmas around being religious that those that are religious, suppress it. I know I am one of the more religious people in my family, most of my family is incomfortable with it, so I don't bring it up. Many of them would have little idea of how "devout" I am. I think that is the case with many people today. You tell someone you are of a certain religion, they instantly stereotype you. It happens with ethnicities and other groups as well. With respect to religion, I feel like many would rather practice in quiet than cause a rift with their family and friends. But I do think there are many more religious people than what the general public would think. I am sure you don't mean to offend. I will be honest and say that it does offend me when someone belittles something I truly believe in. I think many of us are trying to protect the church and its teachings. I'm sure you would agree that as more and more Catholics scoff at certain Catholic ideas, the less that society views those ideas as valid. So, it is logical that we would try our best to educate and explain these ideas to those that attack them. Similar to what you said about wanting to live your life the way you see it, without being ridiculed for it. We should be able to do the same. Thanks for your explanation. Best wishes on your wedding plans!
    Posted by Riss91[/QUOTE]
    Thank you Riss!! You are seriously one of the only people on this board who
    actually understand where I'm coming from, and aren't here to tell me I'm wrong.

    Someone else said that it is ok to question your religion.. but if people really felt that way, then they wouldn't be asking me "why do you call yourself Catholic if you questions a lot of the beliefs?"

    I just get the feeling like many people say one thing.. and do another. They say something is ok to do, but then make you feel horrible for doing something else.

    I am happy with the decisions I have made in my life so far. I am happy to be Catholic. I am happy to own a house with my fiance. I am happy with the way I was raised. I have no regrets, and no excuses. And I would hope that is enough.
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  • clearheavensclearheavens member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments Name Dropper 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: Living Together:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Living Together : Thank you Riss!! You are seriously one of the only people on this board who actually understand where I'm coming from, and aren't here to tell me I'm wrong. Someone else said that it is ok to question your religion.. but if people really felt that way, then they wouldn't be asking me "why do you call yourself Catholic if you questions a lot of the beliefs?" I just get the feeling like many people say one thing.. and do another. They say something is ok to do, but then make you feel horrible for doing something else. I am happy with the decisions I have made in my life so far. I am happy to be Catholic. I am happy to own a house with my fiance. I am happy with the way I was raised. I have no regrets, and no excuses. And I would hope that is enough.
    Posted by cindy91788[/QUOTE]
    I think we got the impression your post wasn't meant to inquire about the Catholic teaching, but to protest it.  If this wasn't the case, it was a mistake.  You can view it like if you're researching about college majors, and if you want to know more about the liberal arts program, you could meet with that program director and ask more about it.  But it wouldn't be entirely appropriate to just meet up with that person and list reasons why you dislike liberal arts; there are better times and places for that.  But it would be totally appropriate to get your questions answered there.
    Likewise, there is nothing wrong in posing questions in an earnest quest for truth.  That is how each of us grow in our faith.  All of us, regardless of upbringing, has a conscience.  But conscience is not the same as the autonomous determinant of good and evil; as in, each person is not free to invent what is right and wrong.  Conscience is called to discover the truth of what is right and what is wrong and to submit its judgments to the truth once the truth is found.  This is true for all religions and even for agnostics and atheists.  Like you mentioned before, at least you can follow civil laws.
    On a Catholic board, it would only be honest to answer your questions according to the teachings of the Church.  Catholics believe these teachings are the objective standards we believe are given to us by God and are revealed through Scripture.  In the end, if you still protest what the Church teaches, that's totally respectable.  But a priest or deacon in charge of RCIA, Pre-Cana, etc. would ask, and so we would also wonder, why you would consider it consistent to stay Catholic.  That is in no way a sign we want to turn you away from the Church.  The exact opposite is the case.  Since we truly want to help you, we just wanted to understand you.  You mentioned that you're happy to be Catholic.  Great!  That's where you're at home.
    The OP, and everyone else who may be lurking, should know that no matter your present status in the Church, no matter what your current family or marital situation, no matter what your past or present religious affiliation, no matter what your personal history, age, background, race, color, you are invited, welcomed, and loved in the Catholic Church.  Don't be afraid to go to Mass and to be honest with your priest.
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