Future SIL planning

mandabear11 · December 2011

Hello all!

Well my brother is getting married this June and his fiancee gets along great with our family, me and her hang out, go for coffee, watch movies, hot tub together, etc. pretty much we get along just fine. They've recently started assigning all the jobs to the wedding party, music for the mass (catholic wedding) and reception things.

I never asked but just kind of waited it out to see if I would be in the wedding party...but I wasn't asked, ok that's fine, maybe I'll play piano for the mass (I am an experienced player)...nope, she asked an old friend from camp. Ok, maybe I'll sing in the choir...again, no.

Now my feelings aren't really hurt, I think I am more confused than anything as to why I wouldn't be asked to be a part of the wedding in any capacity. My sister found out she's pregnant and due about 2 weeks before the wedding, so I don't know if that has to do with it, but who knows. My brother was a groomsman in our wedding and I know he was short a few guys for his but my husband wasn't asked to be a part either. In fact, none of my family has been asked to do anything, not even a grace at the reception.

How should I be taking this? I don't want to talk about it with her because I do not want our relationship to be awkward over such a small thing, just looking for some insight.

Thanks ladies!

jmconley08 · December 2011

I had this same issue but I am the bride. I did not ask FILs to be in wedding and one ended up telling me she was hurt by it. We had gotten along fine up until that point too. I just wanted my closest friends there and didn't want to have too big pf a wedding party (I have 4 on my side) because it get's difficult to coordinate evereyones schedules. I am super close with my friends and just didn't feel the need to ask FSILs.

We are also not asking either one of them to take part in any of the wedding. That being said, my brothers aren't in it either.

Don't take offence to it. I'm sure she still loves you, she just wants who she wants in her wedding, just like you did. Some people are closer with their families and some people are closer with their friends.

PetalPockets2012 · December 2011

I wouldn't take offense to it. Remember, it is an honor to be a guest. I think you are over thinking this. Just get yourself an nice outfit to wear and enjoy your time at the wedding.

em01092 · December 2011

Try not to take it personally. I know it's hard and it hurts, but you will come off as petty and immature if you make a fuss about it. These are her (and your brother's) choices. Maybe you get along great, but she doesn't consider you one of her closest friends. That sucks, but it may be something you just have to face.

Whatever you do, don't accept any biitch jobs like program hander outer, guest book attendant, personal attendant, or free wedding planner/coordinator. Those are jobs rather than honors.

Remember that being a guest is an honor too. As a family member you should be seated up front, which is an extra honor. She may also honor you in the program or give you and yours a special table.

LittleMissCutiePie · December 2011

Well, it may be that she feels like since you're a family member, you don't want a job. Many feel this is not appropriate for family members, because they're meant to be "guests of honor". I wouldn't take it too personally.

graysquirrel · December 2011

I'm sorry that you feel overlooked. It can hurt when you just want to feel included. But as pps said, this is not something that anything should be said about. My guess is that she had a number of really close old friends or her own family members that she wanted to be her BMs. She probably didn't mean to slight you at all and was excited to ask her long-time gal pals. Instead of focusing on the wedding planning aspects, I would try to focus on the marriage of your brother and his FI. You still get to go and have a great time, and you are getting a sister that you really like out of it.

tldh · December 2011

I was the only sibling left out of my brother's wedding and they also included friends. I will tell you that even after two years it still hurts - and in this situation, just being a guest is not a consolation. Unfortunately, there is nothing that you can do about it so just go to the wedding with a big smile on your face and be the bigger person.

nfontana · December 2011

WOW just WOW!! I am shocked, I am including my fsil and we dont sound nearly as close as you two are. You are going to be family and family is very important she should have asked you, and just being a guest is not fun. true i wouldnt bring it up because it will cause problems but still I cant believe your brother isnt sticking up for you. my FH told me he wasnt including my brother as a groomen. I told him he need to find an other bride then because of how much my brother ment to me. i agree with

NCV2 you should be the bigger person its hard but just no that you are better then her

Grits8812 · December 2011

Try not to think about it too much. I agree with PP, being a guest is an honor in itself. I know I was kind of disappointed when I didn't have much to do with my one (and only) cousin's wedding. I realized that just being there for her and being a part of her family was enough, and that it was her day and she got to make the decisions.

You are the sister of the groom, which in itself is a great honor.

Future SIL planning

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