Ushers = your plan?

mekiakoo · April 2012

So I was an usher (usherette???) at a friend's wedding last weekend. I must say I felt really singled out, I was not in the pictures (except for 2) and I was forced to find a seat on my own during the reception (not sitting with the party or having a reserved seat). The other usher had to do the same thing, his wife was the marton of honor and he couldn't sit with her. I ended up finding a table with other guests that had one seat available. The personal attendant had to do the same thing too. I honestly felt offended.

Oh and not to mention I barely got a gift compared to the rest of the wedding party (not that I expect one, but I would have preferred to get nothing). I got a brown paper bag with cheap tissues, few pieces of gum, hand santiazer, and a toothbrush.

We are going to have 3 ushers and 1 personal attendant. My plan is to have them sit with the wedding party and I plan on giving them gifts that are equal in "value" as the rest of the wedding party. What is your plan??

AllyG303 · April 2012

We aren't having ushers, but if we were, I would likely sit them either at the wedding party table, or a table up front near the wedding party. I would also get them a gift similar in value to the WP gifts. I think if you want somebody as part of your wedding, but don't have "room" for them in the wedding party, then they should still get special treatment at the wedding with their seating and gifts (if you're giving them).

dramaqueen91087 · April 2012

Wow that sucks. I'm sorry you were treated that way.

We have one "Usher". It's FI's youngest brother. He will probably sit with his parents, I'm noy sure yet, but will definitly have a seat! Also, his gift will be different from the GM but only because he is young. At 13 I don't think he wants a pocket watch! We'll probably get him a video game and maybe something small that he'll keep forever. It will definitly have the same value though. If he was an adult I would probably get him the same type of thing the GM are getting.

LADY324 · April 2012

We have 1 usher who is my half brother so he will be sitting with my family. We are not doing bridal party tables. He is receiving the same gift as the groomsmen.

I am sorry you felt left out and that gift sucked! No thought went into it at all!!

NIKKIANDTYE · April 2012

I will have one usher and he will be sitting with my family and he will get a gift just like the groomsmen, I feel like they do what they have to do to make our day special to!!!! I'm sorry that happened to you, that sucks

butterflyjumper1 · April 2012

i think we are having three ushers - my cousin who I am closest to, and two of fiance's closest cousins. It really, really sucks that they treated you that way!!

Our ushers will be sitting with their families but at tables closest to the head table. We are planning to give them gifts (fiance is shopping for his guys like it is their birthdays) and is going to ask them to participate in his "barber shop experience" the morning of the wedding, and we will at least have them in part of our pictures. It is really good feedback to hear what happened to you and how it made you feel - it makes us think twice about making sure our guys are included in everything!

question, though - what is a "personal attendant"?? We are having two cousins help with the guest book and two cousins pass out programs, are they personal attendants? We are probably going to get them a small thank you gift of some sort but weren't planning to include them in photos or other bridal party stuff (they are pretty young!)

bridetobe71412 · April 2012

I have a stupid question. Can your groomsmen be ushers? That's kind of what I figured we would do. We have 8 guys and they'll be there before the guests start arriving, I'd assume. Is this dumb?

Also, butterfly, does guest book go at the ceremony or the reception or both? This is another stupid question, I realize.

And mekiakoo - You didn't have a SEAT at the RECEPTION and you were an usher!? WTF? Did they not have assigned seats for people? I'm totally confused about how this could happen. That's terrible!

arunkumar · April 2012

Our ushers (FI's cousins) will be seated with their families near the head table. They will be wearing the same ties (gifts from FI) as the groomsmen and will be in a few pictures, but not too many. It depends on how many FI wants them to be in.

Unless it's windy, I plan on placing programs on every other seat at the ceremony (people will need them since they are unfamiliar with the actual ceremony) so I don't need anyone to hand them out. If I planned on having someone hand them out, I would call them a personal attendant and include them in the program.

Ushers are just supposed to seat people I thought.

arunkumar · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2012-weddings_seating-the-ushers?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:066005ef-215f-48b1-8655-328b41e07c52Discussion:ca4cb002-f259-4baf-9fd9-644f7abecd9fPost:3dcaf46e-1322-4654-bc61-59cd5d8717e1">Re: Ushers = your plan?</a>:
[QUOTE]I have a stupid question. Can your groomsmen be ushers? That's kind of what I figured we would do. We have 8 guys and they'll be there before the guests start arriving, I'd assume. Is this dumb? Also, butterfly, does guest book go at the ceremony or the reception or both? This is another stupid question, I realize. And mekiakoo - You didn't have a SEAT at the RECEPTION and you were an usher!? WTF? Did they not have assigned seats for people? I'm totally confused about how this could happen. That's terrible!
Posted by bridetobe71412[/QUOTE]

Yes, groomsmen can be used as ushers. This is very common. Some people add ushers if the wedding party is busy (perhaps taking photos before the ceremony) or if they want to include more people in the wedding party but not as a groomsmen. You have plenty of groomsmen to help seat people so I would skip ushers if I were you!

bridetobe71412 · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2012-weddings_seating-the-ushers?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:066005ef-215f-48b1-8655-328b41e07c52Discussion:ca4cb002-f259-4baf-9fd9-644f7abecd9fPost:272c6454-df5e-487f-9778-a548702c8c4b">Re: Ushers = your plan?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Ushers = your plan? : Yes, groomsmen can be used as ushers. This is very common. Some people add ushers if the wedding party is busy (perhaps taking photos before the ceremony) or if they want to include more people in the wedding party but not as a groomsmen. You have plenty of groomsmen to help seat people so I would skip ushers if I were you!
Posted by arunkumar[/QUOTE]

Cool. Thanks! I remember most weddings I have been to have either 1) had groomsmen as ushers or 2) had zero ushers, so I was really confused.

aynos77 · April 2012

Wow, I can't believe that you didn't have a seat at the reception. Didn't she do a seating chart and assign people seats?

We won't be having ushers, but will be having one personal assistant for my 3year old dd .. she is FI cousin and DD loves her. She will help her with us all day, and during the ceremony and just for picutres afterwards. Her and her date will ride in the limo with us to reception, and they will be seated as normal guests, so they can then have a nice relaxing night. I know that if we sit her with DD and the rest of the WP her date would feel weird and alone and my DD would try to occupy her time, and I want her to have a good time. She will be getting a super good gift, as least what my maids get, but I will also pay her, b/c essentially she will be babysitting for us for the best part of an entire day. I am getting my maids a coach wrislet, so I think I will just put her $ in hers or maybe a gift card to the mall, so she doesn't try to give it back.. lol (she is a teenagers, so she loves to shop)

mekiakoo · April 2012

Oh I forgot to mention, I ended up sitting next to my ex boyfriend at the reception! Awkward.

littlemoments324 · April 2012

WOW!!! Thanks for that AMAzing gift!!! Anyways..i am rather sarcastic today....so...to answer your question we bought our usher's their ties...we are also going to shop like their birthday...yes we wont spend as much on their gift except it def. Wont be what you got...i am thinking a gift card to their fav store or restaurant...$25

littlemoments324 · April 2012

Oh!! & they will be sitting with their families @ their reserved tables

littlemoments324 · April 2012

Oh!! & they will be sitting with their families @ their reserved tables

bridetobe71412 · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2012-weddings_seating-the-ushers?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:066005ef-215f-48b1-8655-328b41e07c52Discussion:ca4cb002-f259-4baf-9fd9-644f7abecd9fPost:d53f102b-3bf1-49ef-8ee4-78a033cfab4e">Re: Ushers = your plan?</a>:
[QUOTE]Oh I forgot to mention, I ended up sitting next to my ex boyfriend at the reception! Awkward.
Posted by mekiakoo[/QUOTE]

This is SO weird. Seriously! I don't understand how other people had reserved seats and they didn't think to have one for you? That's terrible.

MeaganR12 · April 2012

Yeah I agree with LM, what the eff is up with that 'gift'? I would have preferred nothing as well, sorry that all happened.

FI has asked 2 of his friends to be ushers, but as of right now, we're only sure that 1 of them is actually attending the wedding (they're both from out of state). I'm going to feel awful if it's just him, I feel like that's singling him out pretty bad. As far as gifts and seating goes he'll be treated exactly the same. I'm not sure what FI has in mind as far as getting ready and pictures though. This post definitely gives us something to think about.

Ushers = your plan?

Re: Ushers = your plan?

I will have one usher and he will be sitting with my family and he will get a gift just like the groomsmen, I feel like they do what they have to do to make our day special to!!!! I'm sorry that happened to you, that sucks

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