Latino Weddings

Financial Question?

Hi Ladies....I need some advice & I don't know where else to go! 1st a little background - My FI is Mexican & Catholic, I am white & not very religious. His parents speak very little English & I speak very, very little Spanish. Def. makes family get togethers a little stressful but we manage. :) My question is...is it common/normal for the groom'sparents to not financially contribute anything to the wedding festivities? I know they are not in a situation where they are able to contribute a lot but I was expecting them to cover the rehearsal dinner (I thought that the groom's parents usually cover that?) & now I'm finding out that that might not happen and if that is the case...I don't know what  we are going to do! My parents are already paying for the majority of the wedding, along with my FI & I chipping in where necessary. Is this just part of the Mexican culture?

THANKS :)
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Re: Financial Question?

  • garzalgarzal member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011

    I'm not surprised to hear this because it is a tradition in Mexico. I know that it might seem abit unfair but some find that it comes full circle when they have their daughter wed and cover the costs of that event.  Kinda like a taking turns sort of thing.  I have a feeling though, if his family is anything like my FI's family, that they'll contribute in other ways.  For example, my FMIL offered for her and her sisters to make rosaries that we will be giving out as favors at our mass.  Maybe they won't financially contribute but I hope they'll be helping out in another way. 

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  • edited December 2011
    That doesn't surprise me either.  It is common to have "sponsors" for everything in your wedding (someone purchases the invites, another the cake, another the cake cutting/serving thing, another 2 couples go in on music or food, etc.) ...so the cost isn't that much when you have SO many sponsors.  Also they might've heard that in your culture it is traditional for your parents to pay, so they might wonder why they'd need to pay anything.  Have your fiance talk to them and explain to them that you all don't have sponsors and that it is customary for his family to pick up the tab for the rehearsal dinner.  maybe then they'll understand!
  • Nati05Nati05 member
    1000 Comments Fourth Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    I definitely understand. Mixing cultures and customs is a bit difficult at times. Especially with something like weddings that can vary so much from culture to culture.

    The customs just depend on regions and families. I've learned that many Mexican weddings have "sponsors" like anjellyca said, for different parts of the wedding ultimately easing the costs. However, I've also learned some families don't really take care of anything at all. OR they just contribute by helping out with certain details and tasks like garzal mentioned.

    FI's family is kind of doing this. While my parents are helping out a bit (though not in American common ways by any means, as in covering a rehearsal dinner) his parents are not. I think they have plans to pay for a certain part of the wedding, say dinner or flowers or something like that. Neither families even have a clue as to what a rehearsal dinner is. And worse, what's the point of having one! Lol I think I'm the only one!

    I would recommend speaking with both families seperately (and maybe even together later if necessary) Explain the customs/ traditions of each side and see what they might be interested in doing or even changing. You never know, they might be into contributing to a wedding a little differently than they are used to!
  • edited December 2011
    I agree with others, not surprised.  Rehearsal dinner - whats that is the response I get  in the Hispanic culture.  Usually it is the bride's family to pay for the entire wedding per tradition.  We're paying for all of it ourselves as my parents are not financially prepared to put three daughters through college and then pay for each's wedding.
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  • edited December 2011
    Traditionally, no, the groom's parents wont contribute. Even with the rehearsal dinner. 

    You also may consider looking for "padrinos" to help cover the cost of items.

    I come a very traditional Mexican family and this is all very common.
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  • AmandaG225AmandaG225 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I guess my major frustration with the whole thing is trying to figure out if they (FI parents) are acting this way out of tradition/culture or if this is just the way they are/their personality. I've tried talking with my FI & his parents since day 1 about Mexican wedding tradtions & how we could incorporate his family & heritage into our wedding & I always come back with the same answer...there's nothing we can do. Since I'm not Catholic & we aren't having a Catholic ceremony, there is nothing meaningful we can do for them. I know it sounds bad, but I'm kind of over it at this point, I've done everything I can think of to incorprate them & their culture in our wedding & they seem to want no part of it. I feel like it might be their way of protesting me not being Catholic & not converting for them. I've been asked numerous times & honestly, it's getting really old!

    My fiance has 3 younger brothers (no sisters), 2 of which still live at home (18 & 15 yrs. old). His parents have already kind of fought us on the fact that everyone has to rent tuxes (3 brothers are his groomsmen) & they don't want to have to pay for the 2 youngest ones. They have finally agreed to this but his mom said that if they have to spend the money to rent their tuxes, the we (FI & I) have to purchase her (FI mom) dress for the wedding. This really upset me, I was like are you freakin serious?!?!? Needless to say, we have purchased her dress & I am currently working on her shoes & jewelry. I think that is completely ridiculous but I was over ruled.

    I feel like his family's fianacial situation is more important than my parent's. My parent's are definately not wealthy & I have no idea where the money is coming from but I think you do what you have to do. It makes me feel bad that my parents have forked over sooo much money for this wedding & his mom can't even buy her own dress?!?! My FI & I have had numerous discussions about this & we have pretty much agreed to disagree on this one. He doesn't agree with his parents but he like "what do you want me to do about it?" And I understand & I don't know what to do either...but I just don't think it's right & I  don't get it!

    Sorry ladies - this has turned into me venting more than anything so sorry about that but THANKS for listening! :)
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  • aghouston86aghouston86 member
    Eighth Anniversary 500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_latino-weddings_financial-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:680Discussion:59da5b44-7e81-4b98-9c5e-1206d97a6729Post:bc57a4f6-f818-444d-9b73-87e9b32a33f0">Re: Financial Question?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I agree with others, not surprised. <strong> Rehearsal dinner - whats that is the response I get  in the Hispanic culture</strong>.  Usually it is the bride's family to pay for the entire wedding per tradition.  We're paying for all of it ourselves as my parents are not financially prepared to put three daughters through college and then pay for each's wedding.
    Posted by JACKIE_RS88[/QUOTE]

    <div>Haha This! and also RSVP? Que es eso? lol </div>
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  • aghouston86aghouston86 member
    Eighth Anniversary 500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I highly doubt that they are "being that way" just because. I'm not Hispanic, FI is, and I have a very deep understanding of the Hispanic culture and customs, and it just is what it is. Wedding traditions for Hispanic people are truly very deeply rooted, primarily because of the religious aspects that things are tied to, if that makes sense. so incorporating cultural things like the lazo and arras, is just not really done in any other type of wedding but a Hispanic catholic wedding, not saying that those can't be incorporated into any wedding, its just not done.

    As far as the money things goes, and who contributes financially to what. For Hispanics traditionally there are padrinos or sponsors who cover certain costs of the wedding, or there is the "brides family pays". I know its a lot to come to terms with, and really may seem unfair, but if you go in with the expectation that certain people are to pay for things, your not going to get anywhere far, and will only frustrate yourself trying to make sense of it all.

    Best thing to do is to assume that you and your FI will be financially responsible for things, and if people are willing to offer to pay, you can accept, or decline. This is what we are doing. We skipped the padrinos things, FI has too much pride to ask people to pay for our wedding, and with that being said, people have stepped up and offered to take care of some things for us. FI's parents haven't offered to pay for anything, and if they do great, if they don't oh well.
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  • DodgersBrideDodgersBride member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Please do not ask people to pay for your wedding(sponsors). I understand that some Latino wedding have them but it is rude to ask people to pay for your wedding. If they offer than take it if you want.

    If they are not in the situation to pay for the RD then they are not in the situation to do so. I honestly don't think they are "being that way" or if it is a Mexican tradition. They just don't have the money. You and your Fi should try saving up the money to cover the RD or don't have one. You don't have to have one.

    If you are concerned with how much your parents are spending maybe you can try to contribute more. It is unfair of you FMIL to have to buy her dress but I think you should of stood your ground on that one. Also your FBILs didn't have to rent tuxes, they could have wore whatever formal clothing they already have.
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