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Etiquette

Question about Not Inviting Children

Hello,

I've read on here that if you are not inviting children to your wedding you just address the invitation to who you are inviting, which would be just the parents.  But I'm still unsure of how it works with one particular situation.  By the time of my wedding, my cousin will have a baby who is 11 months or 1 year old.   All the situations I've read on here were about children who are 9-15 or so.  If children were invited, would a baby that young even be on an invitation?  I'm concerned that my cousins will just assume their baby is invited because he will be so young and he's too young to have his name on the envelope.

I know my wedding is still far away, I'm just curious about this so I thought I'd do a little research.  I think he will be the only child between both of our families so if he ends up coming it's not the end of the world - I just don't want a crying baby during the ceremony.  My cousins will be coming from about 2 hours away so I know they will be spending at least one night here - my cousin's wife (the one I am only related to by marriage) could probably have her mother stay with the baby over night but I don't know if it's unreasonable to expect that they might leave a baby that young over night. 

Thank you

ETA: The child has not been born yet, he is due this spring and my wedding will be just about 1 year later.
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Re: Question about Not Inviting Children

  • itzMSitzMS member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    edited December 2012
    You address the invitation to those who are invited. We didn't invite children (or plan to accomodate them) but guests still showed up with their kids. It sucks, but you can't do much to prevent it.

    If you choose to invite the baby, his or her name would go on the invitation.

    If you have an outer envelope only:
    Mary and John Smith
    Billy Smith
    123 Main Street
    Anywhere, NY 12345

    Or, if you have an outer and inner envelope, it would be:

    Outer:
    Mary and John Smith
    123 Main Street
    Anywhere, NY 12345

    Inner:
    Mary and John Smith
    Billy Smith
  • edited December 2012
    We did invite children to our wedding, and regardless of age, they were listed by name on the inner envelope.  The youngest were twins who were going to be 3 months old at the time of the wedding.

    While there are certainly some rude people in the world who would show up with uninvited children, I'd like to think most adults are blessed with a fair bit of common sense.

    Another option would be to have something like '2 seats have been reserved in your honor' on the response card.  A child of nearly 1 would presumably need a high chair, rather than just mom or dad's lap, so hopefully that would be sufficient indication that the child is not invited.
  • Babies are people. They get invited to things just like the rest of people- by name- even if they're too young to read / know it. 

    If you want someone of any age to attend your wedding, please write their name on the envelope of your invitation. If you do not want them to attend, do not write their name. Only use "Smith Family" when you actually mean to invite everyone in the house- the couple, their kids, their parents who've moved in with them, young adults who may be off at college, etc. 
    doeydo
  • Address the invitation just to the people invited.  I think the PP's covered it.  As they are from a little further away, be okay with them not attending due to not being ready to leave the baby alone overnight at that young age.

  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    As everyone says, only list on the invitation envelope the people who are actually invited, and if they respond with others, whether that's dates, children, or someone else, call them and tell them that their extras can't be accommodated, and if they refuse to attend without those extras, express regret but don't extend the invitation to the extras if you don't want to.
    doeydo
  • Thanks everyone!
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  • I would discuss this directly with the Mother-to-Be.  I suspect that most new mothers would have their mother or a trusted person look after her baby for a wedding.  But dealing with this upfront is worth the effort.  Here is my story of woe:

    The only problem I had at my wedding concerned children who were invited and who weren't.  My husband and I had a problem deciding how to agree on who's children were invited, and there were several toddlers.  We dealt with it, and it wasn't easy (I'll spare you the details).  Then on the day, someone who wasn't even in my wedding party, decided that they were entitled to bring their toddler who needed a high chair, and never bothered to ask or discuss it with me despite the fact that the child/baby was NOT on the invitation. The amount of effort I put into seating people PLUS getting the space right to have all the high chairs just where we needed them was NOT TRIVIAL.  So there I am at my wedding reception (she didn't bother to come to the ceremony), and she has the child with her and there are 2 other baby/toddlers at her table and I have to get another high chair added to that table which just happens to be smack in the middle of the entire room.  Gee thanks.  I am not one to hold a grudge, but that is something I have a hard time to forget. This was quite shocking to me, as I never would have expected this from her.  Broaching this subject up front if you can see it could be an issue is well worth the effort.  I thought I had confronted all the issues before the wedding, but I was blindsided by this one.
  • This is my worst nightmare. Good on you for not holding a grudge, because that is certainly grounds for one.
  • This thread is well over a year old. @knotporsha zombie thread

    After 6 years and 2 boys, finally tying the knot on October 27th, 2013!

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