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BM dress drama :(

danimarie88danimarie88 member
First Comment First Anniversary
in Attire & Accessories Forum
Here's a quick background on my girls...

MOH: About 5'8" and size 10
BM1: About 5'7" and size 22-24
BM2: About 5'1" and size 14

I figured that having only 3 attendants would help a lot with everyone getting a dress that looked the same and felt right on them. I am quickly starting to realize that that may not be the case. Because my girls are so different in size and shape I figured, "HEY! I'm open to the idea of them having different dresses as long as they are the same color, fabric, and length...that way they can truly decide what they are comfortable in.)

Here's the problem: After my dress appointment yesterday I went to browse the BM dresses with the girls. My MOH said she's willing to wear whatever, but is a little worried about her psoriasis flare-ups that she gets on her calves. BM1 said she'll wear whatever I chose. BM2 is pretty adamant about getting a short dress. I told her we will talk about it more when we make a real appointment for them. She then went on to say how she's too short to wear a long dress and really wants short or tea length.

I want to please everyone, but I know if I get tea-length that my MOH with psoriasis will be self-conscious (even though she won't say it) and so will BM1 who is plus-sized. If I get a long dress, BM2 complains because she's "too short" to wear a long dress and thinks shorter is better suited for her body type.

Is it just me, or would having 2 girls in long dresses and only 1 in a short dress look odd? If i'm doing short...they're all short. If i'm doing long...they're all long. I don't see why it's such a problem.

Can you girls give me advice? Maybe i'm just worrying about it too much.
Halloween
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Re: BM dress drama :(

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    TeepTeep member
    First Comment First Anniversary
    edited March 2012
    I don't think it'll look odd. I have 5 girls in short dresses and one in long. I let them all pick whatever they wanted though; fabric, length didn't matter to me. 
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    Avion22Avion22 member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    I'm 5'4" (also about a size 12-14), and I love wearing long dresses.   If BM #2  wears heels, she'll be fine.    

    Hopefully once you go shopping for something everyone will find something they like and there won't be any drama.   And if there is, maybe just pull BM #2 aside and say something like, "Hey Martha, here's the deal:  Mary is worried about her psoriasis, and Jane said she would feel really uncomfortable in a shorter dress.  I know you'll look fine in anything, so I've decided that I would prefer you in long dresses."  
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    saacjwsaacjw member
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    edited March 2012
    I agree with pp that you should just explain the situation to your bridesmaid and say that you would really prefer everyone wearing longer dresses. Personally, it would bug me if everyone was in different lengths. 

    In regards to the short girl in a long dress concern- I'm short- about 5'2" and long dresses don't make me look any shorter, however, tea length dresses cut my legs in just the wrong way to make my legs look short and stumpy(er). Yes, I have to get 6+ inches hemmed off of any long, formal dress that I have ever worn, but the dress in and of itself does not make me look any shorter. 
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    Mandafly84Mandafly84 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited March 2012
    Girls in different length dresses look odd to me.  Different STYLE dresses is fine, but it needs to be the same length, IMO.

    And also IMO, a medical condition (psoriasis) trumps "I'm too short to wear a long dress."  I know that's kind of a curt way to phrase it, and I'm sure you'll find a way to make it all work out, but I'd be more sympathetic to the BM with the skin condition, poor thing.
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    matchamatcha
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    edited March 2012
    You could let the MOH have a long dress and the two bridesmaids have tea-length dresses. Check out Gossip Girls- they did this style for the wedding scene.  Tea-length is below the knee, which should be enough coverage to be comfortable for a plus-sized girl. You could always ask her or have her try it on to see if she's comfortable. 

    Also: My sister is 5"1' and rocks a long dress once in a while. She'll be fine in the end.
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    danimarie88danimarie88 member
    First Comment First Anniversary
    Thanks for all of the advice! I think I will wait and see how their BM dress appointments go and then figure out what I want to say. I would love them all in long dresses because I feel it's more elegant. I appreciate all of your advice!
    Halloween
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    Melissa603Melissa603 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    I would speak to hear and say that you are looking at long dresses - once you chose the dress you can sit her down and tell her "This is the dress the bridesmaids wear. If you don't want to wear it you are not a bridesmaid and can attend as a guest."
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    allisonkbyeallisonkbye member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    Maybe they could all wear the same color tights under their short dresses. that way if MOH has a flare up nobody will notice it and if they do notice a little red they wont think anything of it. 
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    RECNMBRECNMB member
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_attire-accessories_bm-dress-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:15Discussion:27b1146a-7fa4-4c9a-83d3-887918dfe72ePost:795f89e3-7c96-492e-8195-ba87b5b54bb0">Re: BM dress drama :(</a>:
    [QUOTE]You could let the MOH have a long dress and the two bridesmaids have tea-length dresses. Check out Gossip Girls- they did this style for the wedding scene.  Tea-length is below the knee, which should be enough coverage to be comfortable for a plus-sized girl. You could always ask her or have her try it on to see if she's comfortable.  Also: My sister is 5"1' and rocks a long dress once in a while. She'll be fine in the end.
    Posted by matcha[/QUOTE]

    <div>I like this compromise.  It's not uncommon for the MOH to wear a differt/more formal dress than the othe BM's and then everyone is happy, and the MOH will stand out becasue she is a person of <em>honor</em> instead of feeling singled out for her condition.</div>
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    SaraB102SaraB102
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    I think if BM#2 chooses the right silhouette (perhaps an empire waist to enlongate her) a full-length will look fine.  Even without heels - as long as the dress is hemmed correctly, any height shoe will work.
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    goodine11goodine11
    First Comment
    edited March 2012
    I had an issue with shoes. What I would do is...

    1. Think about how you want them to look at your wedding ( what modd do you want to set)

    2. Choose the dress that would make everyone ok. So your MOH could wear a Long Dress symbolizing that she is the MOH ( setting her apart)
     and your birdesmaid could wear a Short Dress

    LOL... Now that I think about it that is what I did.. My sister is 16 with skinny legs she wanted a long dress. My Bridesmaids are wear a short dress . However, they are all wearing the same color.
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    carrieloomiscarrieloomis member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_attire-accessories_bm-dress-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:15Discussion:27b1146a-7fa4-4c9a-83d3-887918dfe72ePost:dd24c3c6-5e2c-4631-9e11-a7a9173ac0f5">Re: BM dress drama :(</a>:
    [QUOTE]Girls in different length dresses look odd to me.  Different STYLE dresses is fine, but it needs to be the same length, IMO. And also IMO, a medical condition (psoriasis) trumps "I'm too short to wear a long dress."  I know that's kind of a curt way to phrase it, and I'm sure you'll find a way to make it all work out, but I'd be more sympathetic to the BM with the skin condition, poor thing.
    Posted by Mandafly84[/QUOTE]

    <div>THIS. exactly this.</div>
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    violakat03violakat03
    First Comment
    edited March 2012
    I have a bridesmaid that is 4'8" - YES you read that right, she is 4 inches below 5 feet tall! My MOH is my tallest BM and she is a full foot taller than my shortest. They are all wearing the same dress because that's what I wanted - luckily none of mine have been dramatic, they all said "you're the bride, tell us what you like." Though I made it clear I wanted their input and we ended up making the final decision rather democratically.

    As far as the height, trust me, a long dress looks just fine on a short girl. My little bit BM (as well as my second shortest at 5'2") looked absolutely stunning in the floor length. Tea length IS floor length on her, so either way she'd have to have it shortened by a large amount. We're also having to shorten the sleeves of the jacket pretty dramatically for her - they're supposed to be 3/4 length and they go almost to her fingertips.

    Here's what I mean: These are three of my BMs in the dress we chose.
    Back row left: 5'7"  size 14
    Back row right (MOH): 5'8"  size 16
    Front and center: 4'8" size 6



    Also:
    Far left: 5'2" size 4, Center MOH 5'8" size 16, Far right 4'8" size 6



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    JessH2013JessH2013 member
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    I had the same exact problem. I am getting married in August and I am a crazy planner. I have been preparing my BM(4) and MOH(1) for what types of dresses they would have to choose from the color fabric and whole thing sense January. I asked that they let me know any day we could go in February and I would be there (just because I know everyone dose not have the same schedule). So the rundown: My MOH 5'7 145 ish probably a size 6/8 and my BM:
    5'6 125 size 4
    5'4 size 20ish
    5'2 size 20ish
    5'2 size 14
    So as you can see I have girls from size 4-20. I made a website of all of the different dresses that the designer had to offer. The only thing I asked was that they all wear the same length (right below the knee because its august and hot) the same fabric and the same color. I didn't want it looking to Hodge podge (if that's how you say it) But I also know that I want everyone to feel as comfortable and pretty/attractive as possible. I realize that it is my wedding but I got to pick my dress I wanted them to be able to pick theirs within reason. So this meant as long as it was within the length color and fabric that they could have any style top/skirt (staples, one shoulder, ruffle, tank, halter, pencil, pleat skirt whatever if it meets the guideline and you are happy.) Let me just tell you. DISASTER. Some of them (one my own sister) refused to go at first, didn't like the color, it didn't look good on their legs. I mean seriously you name it they had a reason to hate it or not want to go. At the end of the day everyone has picked out a dress 2 weeks after they should have but its done.
    Bottom line: IT IS YOUR WEDDING! AND ALTHOUGH YOU ARE SO KIND AND WANT EVERYONE TO BE HAPPY YOU ALREADY HAVE OTHER THINGS TO WORRY ABOUT AND THIS SHOULD NOT BE ONE OF THEM. They should just be glad you are not picking out their dress for them. Don't give to many more options (it always everyone to be picky) One last thing call your wedding shop were you are purchasing your BM dress and see what their policy on dress sizes are. If I could change anything it would have been being able to warn my 'plus size' BM that they would have to pay $40 more for the extra fabric. I had no idea and I felt horrible.

    I hope everything works out for you
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    Bett2012Bett2012 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    If 2 want long and 1 wants short, I say go for long, because the one who wants short can cut it off later if she wants to wear it again... the others can't add length to it, and I think it's important to err on the side of conservative preferences than not (ie: being uncomfortable because too much skin is showing trumps being uncomfortable because not enough is showing.. or in your case, a skin condition trumps shortness, in my opinion).

    Good luck!
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    JamiesonCampbellJamiesonCampbell
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    i had a similar problem my MOH and BM 1 are both size 2 while BM 2 is a size 18... i let them pick their own dresses because of this MOH & BM 1 ended up picking the same dress and although it took some major convincing (which i wasn't expecting as i thought she would be excited to get the dress she originally wanted) BM 2 got a different dress that she had picked out.

    That being said they are all in long dresses (i tend to agree with PP although different dresses are o.k i do think they need to be similar fabric and length) and BM 2 is very short like me.. i'm 5'3 and she is 5"4. The silhouette is fitted and looks amazing on her .. could she wear heels to be a bit taller?

    Hope it works out for you and you find great dresses for them !
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    iloveu4everiloveu4ever member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_attire-accessories_bm-dress-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:15Discussion:27b1146a-7fa4-4c9a-83d3-887918dfe72ePost:4e3514a5-b593-4288-b5e6-8696ed4e9f84">Re: BM dress drama :(</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm 5'4" (also about a size 12-14), and I love wearing long dresses.   If BM #2  wears heels, she'll be fine.     Hopefully once you go shopping for something everyone will find something they like and there won't be any drama.   And if there is, maybe just pull BM #2 aside and say something like, "Hey Martha, here's the deal:  Mary is worried about her psoriasis, and Jane said she would feel really uncomfortable in a shorter dress.  I know you'll look fine in anything, so I've decided that I would prefer you in long dresses."  
    Posted by Avion22[/QUOTE]

    I ditto that. I was wondering the same thing. My MOH wants to wear red but not black so one in black the other in red weird?

     
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    goatlady12goatlady12 member
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    My bridesmaids are making me crazy about this as well.  My advice is make the decision for them, there is no way to make everyone happy.  Just keep your sanity and eliminate arguing.  I wanted to be calm about this and give my bridesmaids the choice, but they can't handle it without driving me crazy.

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    jesslzjesslz
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    First, you have to realize that you can't please everyone.  You need to make a decision that everyone won't be miserable with :)
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