Declines to wedding

afeith6658 · August 2012

I have a lot of guests who are unemployed at the moment due to the bad economy.

I received the following text from my friend:

"we so want to attend your wedding, but money is so tight, we can't afford a gift"

I received an RSVP with a decline and a check from an out of state friend.

Am I the only bride who would rather have my nearest and dearest share the day with us than a gift?

I told the friend who texted me I understand her situation and would rather have her share the day with me than miss it because she couldn't afford a gift.

The other friend, I'm disappointed but understand it is a distance for her and her husband. I haven't even cashed her check yet....

I was expecting 140, but it looks like only 125 will be attending. 140 was my minimum, looks like I'm paying for 15 extra plates with no one to eat them....

gabriel0915 · August 2012

We have a really small wedding so when the people can't come it's sad. I'm definitely also that person that would rather have friends and family there than a gift.

AriesAngel86 · August 2012

For me, I actually want people to decline. Not because I don't want them there, but because the wedding is bigger than FI and I orginally wanted. My parents are helping with the wedding, and so they went a little nuts with the invite list! lol.

If you don't have your minimum guests, could you upgrade something? Higher end bar, more appetizers, a dessert table? I think most venues are willing to work with you on this kind of thing from what I've heard.

BMcLeodTeam · August 2012

I had a similar situation with a friend. She texted me saying she didn't think they could make it because "Its going to cost a lot with travel, hotel, your gift, etc" I told her that her gift to me could be attending and she got all excited!

kmleon83 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_september-2012-weddings_declines-to-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:a464c18c-2e4d-469b-8eae-3865079cb9cfDiscussion:830ab6bc-7c9d-43e4-a003-aa38d4593eb1Post:b17b15e1-75d2-4618-938e-66acd54ae388">Re: Declines to wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]For me, I actually want people to decline. Not because I don't want them there, but because the wedding is bigger than FI and I orginally wanted. My parents are helping with the wedding, and so they went a little nuts with the invite list! lol. If you don't have your minimum guests, could you upgrade something? Higher end bar, more appetizers, a dessert table? I think most venues are willing to work with you on this kind of thing from what I've heard.
Posted by AriesAngel86[/QUOTE]

ditto to this! i had not anticipated the number of guests we were going to invite (228!) but with parents helping, they sort of took the reigns so when i get some declines back, it's a sigh of relief!

however, there are some people that were unexpected declines and it was sad, because i'm like that too..i'd rather my friends and family come; it doesn't matter to me about the gift!

volleygurl0306 · August 2012

Like PP, we wanted a fair amount of declines as our guest list was bigger than we wanted. Also, money is tight now because we put buying a house high on our priority list recently (a 7-10 year investment vs. a 1 day investment) and it drained our funds. Since we are supposed to pay for our wedding with just a little help from FI's parents, we needed the declines or it would have been way too expensive. But, we did want the declines more from extended family than our friends. We did get some unexpected declines from FI's family (FMIL swore they all would come) and are waiting on most of our friends. For our close friends we would definitely rather have them there than a gift.

Also, many people don't know but you have a year to buy a wedding present. My brother got married in July and I just told him that money was tight with the wedding and house but I'd get him a gift in October. He said it was cool and it would be fun to get one way later anyways. It wouldn't be appropriate to mention this alternative to a friend but if you ladies are in a situation like that ever, never to late to say Congrats on your marriage!

smartlypretty · August 2012

Yeah, the No's make me bummed out

I just wanted to add though that a lot of venues will work with you if you don't meet your minimum. Let's say you are those 15 people short and your venue costs $100 a person. Yeah, now you owe the venue $1500 for not meeting the minimum. But that ice sculpture that you always wanted, that costs $500 and that action table you wanted during your cocktail hour is $1000, so they will give you those since you already "paid" for them. At least, that's how my venue works.

CharlotteStar · August 2012

The No's make me sad too

and I've had quite a few so far. The unexpected ones are the worst though. We invited 148 and our total right now stands at 129 and that's without factoring in the ones we know will be no's. Its actually really been weighing on my mind because, like others here, our minimum is 120 and I'm pretty sure we are going to fall under that now $:\$ . But there's still two weeks left for people to respond so maybe I'll be surprised

.

The Fords · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_september-2012-weddings_declines-to-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:a464c18c-2e4d-469b-8eae-3865079cb9cfDiscussion:830ab6bc-7c9d-43e4-a003-aa38d4593eb1Post:b17b15e1-75d2-4618-938e-66acd54ae388">Re: Declines to wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]For me, I actually want people to decline. Not because I don't want them there, but because the wedding is bigger than FI and I orginally wanted. My parents are helping with the wedding, and so they went a little nuts with the invite list! lol. If you don't have your minimum guests, could you upgrade something? Higher end bar, more appetizers, a dessert table? I think most venues are willing to work with you on this kind of thing from what I've heard.
Posted by AriesAngel86[/QUOTE]

Im in the same boat , but we are paying for pretty much the entire wedding. So although I want my family and friends there are alot of people coming as is so the no's just turn into dollars saved !! I feel awful thinking that way but when you are footing the bill it feels that way. I also know no matter who is there we are gonna have a ball !!

Ravenclaw79 · August 2012

I'm glad I'm not the only one who's hoping for some declines. There are people on our list who I don't even know, who I didn't really think should be invited, and I'm secretly hoping that they don't come.

jamie5482 · August 2012

I was glad to get some declines but sad about others. There were a lot of expected "no's" so it was the unexpected ones that made me bummed out. We're glad to save money since it looks like we're going to have a lot less people than we thought! I would always, always rather have someone come to the wedding than send a gift.

jessa1228 · August 2012

We expected a lot of no's but it still kills me every time I get one. Our minimum is 100 and I have a feeling we'll either be right at it or a little under. But like PPs have said, our venue allows us to make up for the missing people by upgrading other things.

Declines to wedding

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