'Worried' FSD won't fit in her dress

Re: 'Worried' FSD won't fit in her dress

• jjolovich member

  

  May 2012

  Is there any way to change her habits? Like instead of having her sit on the couch, maybe you could ask her to go on a walk?? That way it could open up some communication between you two as well? Hard I know with a teenager "know it all" but i would start doing more of the healthy snacks, get rid of the cookies and sweets and replace them with veggies and fruits. maybe these little changes will help not only her but good for your whole family??
  
  Easier said than done, hope that kind of helps.
  
  And I just noticed we have the same dress only mine is red!! Love Alfred Angelo!!

  
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• spazticrexe

  

  May 2012 edited May 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_august-2012-weddings_worried-fsd-wont-fit-in-her-dress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:1fb748ee-7a4e-40eb-b4b4-e553486f4cacDiscussion:6d58261b-90ee-4af0-82c3-25d4fa55abeePost:849c427e-b38a-4196-874e-055866144465">Re: 'Worried' FSD won't fit in her dress</a>:
  [QUOTE] Hard I know with a teenager "know it all" but i would start doing more of the healthy snacks, get rid of the cookies and sweets and replace them with veggies and fruits.[/QUOTE]
  
  First thing is to get the junk out of the house. Make it easier for her to make good snacking decisions and maybe she'll end up with more energy to get off the couch...
  
  With a teenager who's pretty sensitive its best to do this kind of thing gently.
  
  Also, if you're keen on having a discussion with her about the weight gain, consider having another family member approach her instead. My aunt sometimes talks to me about what's going on with my teenage cousin and then I turn around and talk to my cousin about her mom's concerns (but I don't always put it that way). She actually *listens* to me, which I'm not so sure she does with her mom. Maybe that family member could even invite her out for some active hangout time <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-laughing.gif" border="0" alt="Laughing" title="Laughing" />
  
  ETA: If she confronts you about the snack change-up, just say that you're wanting to eat healthier, so that's what's going to be in the house from now on. She might get pouty, but you've already 'taken the blame' thereby taking the venom out of anything she might think to say next. Feel free to ignore any of the, "that's not fair!"

  

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• odustudent22

  

  May 2012

  i can't tell you how many compliments i've gotten on "our" dress =D  I don't buy any of the junk food for the house, she buys it on her own.  She works at McD's and is always buying pies and smoothies.  As for the walks and activities, I work two jobs, but I will make a point of making sure I try ask her to spend more one on one time with me.  Thanks.  OH>>>and I put worry in the " " because I know that I can't control what she ultimatly does, and the problem is out of my hands, but I don't want to have to have her not in the wedding or wear someithng different.....

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• frantastic12 member

  

  May 2012 edited May 2012

  Ditto PP, get rid of the junk food and introduce healthier options.  Please don't say anything directly to her, even if it's gently pointing it out.  Good relationship or not, something like that could really hurt more than you realize. 
  
  My dad remarried when I was 7, and my brother was 4.  My brother was overweight as a child, and I have never forgotten the things our stepmother said to him when he was younger (and I'm sure he hasn't either)--even the nicer, gentler comments about his weight.  Even the very subtle, rare comments from her about my body/size when I was younger have stuck with me (and I was practically underweight).  We're both really insecure and self-conscious, even as adults, and I definitely think that played a part.
  
  ETA: Just saw your latest reply. Does she like her current job?  If she doesn't, maybe help her find something that isn't in the food industry (like a retail store, etc) to curb the fast food habits. 

  

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• spazticrexe

  

  May 2012

  I agree with PP.
  
  The whole thing with getting rid of the junk food is to create a culture in the house where that's just not what you do. It sounds like her work culture of McD's 'eat whatever' is overriding what you've got going on at home.
  
  I'd definitely encourage and help her get a new job. Who knows, the weight issue might work itself out if she's in a new work environment.

  

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• odustudent22

  

  May 2012

  I am self concious also because of comments my father and step mother have made, so I totally agree....and I have been under the theory that she wants to be more adult like and will sooner or later realize smoothies and pies and popcorn for dinner are not good choices, and have simply asked her to help me unload groceries loaded with carrots and cucumbers and such.  I have been on a diet myself and lost 50 lbs, and she watched me and mimiced my eating habbits....for a week or so....but then gave up.  I also have to point out, she is by absloutly NO means overweight.  She is a slender girl, just has a growing "pouch" and if her back/bust grow one half an inch more her dress will not zip up.  As for her throughout her life, as long as she is happy and happy with herself I am happy.  I hope she never has to go through the pain of a massive weight struggle like I have.  IF the dress hadn't already been altered there would be no concern at all...I hope you ladies understand that. 

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• lb1212

  

  May 2012

  I agree with PPs.  I think it would be best to approach it as a "healthier lifestyle."  Stop buying the junk, stock up on fruits, veggies, etc.  Working at McD's is definitely not the best, but kuddos to her (and you & the rest of the parenting team) for at least working! 

  

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• i2012do member

  

  May 2012

  Maybe you can approach it like you are trying to work on "you" ask her to go for a walk and say you are trying to shed lbs for the wedding. Or that youa re trying to tone up,etc.
  Perhaps this weight gain is because of something else going on-- maybe shes nervous for high school to end or for college to start?
  
  
  I know that she has snacks from work- but I think your fiance needs to gently say something liek "hey you are spending all your earnings on snakcs" or something
  ths is a really hard situation
  
  because i completely remmeber one time my mom, in not so many words told me it was a shame i was thin all over except my stomach (I am apple shaped)...and i will remmeber that FOREVER. and this year she said to me "you always thought you were so chubby in high school in college and i looked back at photos and u were like a size 6 and you didn't look chubby at all,im not sure why you were SO hard on yourself" I told her that i specifically remember a time that SHE told me i had a big stomach and it was a "shame"
  
  I also specifically remember a time that i was laughing at something on tv and i was like "wow that girl got chubby"or something like that about a celebrity and my dad said "Those in glass houses shouldnt throw stones" albeit he was right, in college i gained somehwere near 35 lbs, and ive gained another 30 post college---but STILL i will never ever forget that
  
  So what i am saying is that i am not sure a bit of alteration (they can always add a corset) is worth a lifetime of your step daughter feeling inadqeute about her weight.

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• Lobsters25 member

  

  May 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_august-2012-weddings_worried-fsd-wont-fit-in-her-dress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:1fb748ee-7a4e-40eb-b4b4-e553486f4cacDiscussion:6d58261b-90ee-4af0-82c3-25d4fa55abeePost:3e6e841f-4ae7-4dc2-9b84-adb9979e6a5f">Re: 'Worried' FSD won't fit in her dress</a>:
  [QUOTE]and I have been under the theory that she wants to be more adult like and will sooner or later realize smoothies and pies and popcorn for dinner are not good choices, Posted by odustudent22[/QUOTE]
  
  I'm going to go with experience here.  I was about 250 when I was in my college years, and it took me until after college to finally come to the realization that this was not healthy.
  
  I think you hit the nail on the head with this statement.  She will have to want to be more 'adultlike.'  She may be stress eating or emotional eating, or she may simply not care.  From my personal experience, you saying anything or starting to remove foods is only going to result in her sneaking more food and in an increased barrier to communication between you two.
  
  I personally don't think a person will ever change their eating habits and lifestyle until he/she is ready to do so.  You could try taking her to a nutritionist, it might work for her (though didn't for me.)  I really think the best idea right now is to try to get the whole family moving together - for health and bonding reasons.  Or, if she has a competitive side, maybe get everyone one of the step 'counters' and have a fun family competition leading up to the wedding - where the winner gets a cool prize.
  
  Sorry if I missed this somewhere above (can't go back and read now that I'm typing,) but has FI mentioned anything or suggested any potential solutions?

  

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• saraschilling88

  

  May 2012

  I agree with PPs that you should approach with gentleness.  I started a fitness program with my Mom (we are both trying to get into shape for the wedding), which has helped a lot!!
  
  I am also one of the "chubby kids".. I have small arms, and fairly muscular legs, but my stomach area is very poochy and I have always had self esteem issues because of it!  My parents and siblings always used to call me fat and tell me I needed to eat less.  Even a few months ago I called home and said, "I'm so happy I took everything that was too small out of my closet to make room", my Dad said, "That's wonderful honey, now you should save that stuff and when you lose some weight you will fit into it again", I said, "Dad, the shirts were too short, not too tight".  I guess some things never change...  I'm trying to though!!

  

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• odustudent22

  

  May 2012

  my 16th birthday present from my dad was an exercise bike....
  
  So FI and I were walking to the store and his D asked us to get her icecream.  FI got into an argument on the way to the store about me being 'negative' towards her when I made the comment that she didn't need icecrem!  So I told him I would drop the subject.  He bought a box of 6 icecream bars.  I "gentely" pointed out today that she's had 3 of them in 24 hrs.  Perhaps him seeing for himself will help the matter...
  
  as to all of us self concious women...we are beautiful!!!

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