Disagreement with groom over wedding party gifts - Help!

auroraborealisabc · February 2013

The one thing I asked my groom to completely take care of without assistance from me, are his groomsmen gifts (he only has three, so it shouldn't be a huge deal). We are two weeks out to the day of our wedding day, so I asked him last night, what he's planning on doing for these gifts... For his best man he's planning on getting a nice bottle of wine (fair enough, but I thought these gifts were supposed to last), for his Jr. Groomsman (he's 13) he was going to get a videogame (not thrilled with this, as this is the kind of thing we get him for his birthday... but again, leaving it up to him...), but for his last groomsman he wasn't planning on getting him anything.

Now, we have had a bit of a falling-out with this groomsman and his family as of late... they have been quite offensive during this wedding and have made a LOT of demands of our wedding, and have not been helpful at all with anything we have requested (even something as small as when he needs to pick his tux up... we are having to do this for him, so hopefully it fits). I have written about some of the problems we have had with this groomsman in other posts, so I won't go into that in too much depth here.

My question is, how do I handle this with my fiance? He said, "Show me ONE thing that he has done for this wedding, and I'll get him a present." Admittedly, the only thing I could think of is "he's coming," but to me that's not a good enough reason not to the customary thing. Everyone else will be getting gifts - my bridesmaids (which includes his wife) will be getting quite nice jewelry and clutches, flower girls getting personalized handkerchiefs and dolls that are modeled to look like them (wearing a dress that looks like their flower girl dress), parents also getting nice gifts... He will literally be the only person not getting a present if my fiance gets his way.

Now, I understand why my fiance feels the way he does - I have been furious at this groomsman for quite awhile - but to me that doesn't mean we need to stoop to the level of 'sending a message' that would probably come across as downright mean/vindictive. So, what should I do? I'm considering just going and getting some nice, engraved thing (for all groomsmen), and just telling my fiance "here are your gifts for them," but I don't know if that's the right thing to do...

I need some advice :-/

OliveOilsMom · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_disagreement-with-groom-over-wedding-party-gifts-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:c956addf-7155-4ded-8f94-0f80d5ca95f3Post:2cbd484a-ccfd-4c7d-8b92-b2fd7e7fd7ae">Disagreement with groom over wedding party gifts - Help!</a>:
[QUOTE]The one thing I asked my groom to completely take care of without assistance from me, are his groomsmen gifts (he only has three, so it shouldn't be a huge deal). We are two weeks out to the day of our wedding day, so I asked him last night, what he's planning on doing for these gifts... For his best man he's planning on getting a nice bottle of wine (fair enough, but I thought these gifts were supposed to last), for his Jr. Groomsman (he's 13) he was going to get a videogame (not thrilled with this, as this is the kind of thing we get him for his birthday... but again, leaving it up to him...), but for his last groomsman he wasn't planning on getting him anything. Now, we have had a bit of a falling-out with this groomsman and his family as of late... they have been quite offensive during this wedding and have made a LOT of demands of our wedding, and have not been helpful at all with anything we have requested (even something as small as when he needs to pick his tux up... we are having to do this for him, so hopefully it fits). I have written about some of the problems we have had with this groomsman in other posts, so I won't go into that in too much depth here. My question is, how do I handle this with my fiance? He said, "Show me ONE thing that he has done for this wedding, and I'll get him a present." Admittedly, the only thing I could think of is "he's coming," but to me that's not a good enough reason not to the customary thing. Everyone else will be getting gifts - my bridesmaids (which includes his wife) will be getting quite nice jewelry and clutches, flower girls getting personalized handkerchiefs and dolls that are modeled to look like them (wearing a dress that looks like their flower girl dress), parents also getting nice gifts... He will literally be the only person not getting a present if my fiance gets his way. Now, I understand why my fiance feels the way he does - I have been furious at this groomsman for quite awhile - but to me that doesn't mean we need to stoop to the level of 'sending a message' that would probably come across as downright mean/vindictive. So, what should I do? I'm considering just going and getting some nice, engraved thing (for all groomsmen), and just telling my fiance "here are your gifts for them," but I don't know if that's the right thing to do... I need some advice :-/
Posted by auroraborealisabc[/QUOTE]

First, you should shop for each BP member like it's their birthday. That makes the wine and videogame a great gift for each of the GM. I hope that the jewelry and clutch you got your BM are not wedding related. Otherwise, they are props for the wedding and are not gifts.

As to the GM your FI refuses to buy a gift for. It is customary to buy the gift as a thank you for standing up for him at the wedding. The GM is still planning to be at the wedding, right? Then he should be given something. Perhaps he too could get a bottle of wine or other booze he may like as a gift. It stinks that he was problematic during planning (I don't remember your other posts), but all any member of the BP needs to do is get the agreed upon outfit and show up. Even though your picking it up!

itzMS · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_disagreement-with-groom-over-wedding-party-gifts-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:c956addf-7155-4ded-8f94-0f80d5ca95f3Post:2cbd484a-ccfd-4c7d-8b92-b2fd7e7fd7ae">Disagreement with groom over wedding party gifts - Help!</a>:
[QUOTE]The one thing I asked my groom to completely take care of without assistance from me, are his groomsmen gifts (he only has three, so it shouldn't be a huge deal). We are two weeks out to the day of our wedding day, so I asked him last night, what he's planning on doing for these gifts... For his best man he's planning on getting a nice bottle of wine (fair enough, but I thought these gifts were supposed to last), for his Jr. Groomsman (he's 13) he was going to get a videogame (not thrilled with this, as this is the kind of thing we get him for his birthday... but again, leaving it up to him...), but for his last groomsman he wasn't planning on getting him anything. Now, we have had a bit of a falling-out with this groomsman and his family as of late... they have been quite offensive during this wedding and have made a LOT of demands of our wedding, and have not been helpful at all with anything we have requested (even something as small as when he needs to pick his tux up... we are having to do this for him, so hopefully it fits). I have written about some of the problems we have had with this groomsman in other posts, so I won't go into that in too much depth here. My question is, how do I handle this with my fiance? He said, "Show me ONE thing that he has done for this wedding, and I'll get him a present." Admittedly, the only thing I could think of is "he's coming," but to me that's not a good enough reason not to the customary thing. Everyone else will be getting gifts - my bridesmaids (which includes his wife) will be getting quite nice jewelry and clutches, flower girls getting personalized handkerchiefs and dolls that are modeled to look like them (wearing a dress that looks like their flower girl dress), parents also getting nice gifts... He will literally be the only person not getting a present if my fiance gets his way. Now, I understand why my fiance feels the way he does - I have been furious at this groomsman for quite awhile - but to me that doesn't mean we need to stoop to the level of 'sending a message' that would probably come across as downright mean/vindictive. So, what should I do? I'm considering just going and getting some nice, engraved thing (for all groomsmen), and just telling my fiance "here are your gifts for them," but I don't know if that's the right thing to do... I need some advice :-/
Posted by auroraborealisabc[/QUOTE]

The bridal party gifts are intended to be a "Thank you" for standing by your side at the ceremony. They aren't prizes for "doing things" for you or your wedding.

The gifts your FI selected for two of his groomsmen are great. If he doesn't feel like going overly personal on the 3rd groomsmen, I think a giftcard to Itunes or Amazon or a favorite store/restaurant would suffice.

thejucheidea · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_disagreement-with-groom-over-wedding-party-gifts-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:c956addf-7155-4ded-8f94-0f80d5ca95f3Post:2cbd484a-ccfd-4c7d-8b92-b2fd7e7fd7ae">Disagreement with groom over wedding party gifts - Help!</a>:
[QUOTE] I'm considering just going and getting some nice, engraved thing (for all groomsmen), and just telling my fiance "here are your gifts for them," but I don't know if that's the right thing to do... I need some advice :-/
Posted by auroraborealisabc[/QUOTE]

Uh, no. They are not your friends. Stay away from his choices -- he knows what's best for his friends.

Simply Fated · February 2013

For his best man he's planning on getting a nice bottle of wine (fair enough, but I thought these gifts were supposed to last), for his Jr. Groomsman (he's 13) he was going to get a videogame (not thrilled with this, as this is the kind of thing we get him for his birthday... but again, leaving it up to him...)
I would never turn down a gift of alcohol. It doesn't need to last. I mean, if he wants it to last he can drink the wine then stick a candle in the top or use it to hold flowers. Nowhere does it say the gift has to last forever. I got a bottle of perfum from a friend, once. Eventually the perfume will run out. Get what I'm saying?

I don't like giving videogames as presents, either, but it's not up to you, really.

Same fgoes for this third groomsmen. The only job he has is to show up for the wedding. That's it. Any else is just extra.
"Show me ONE thing that he has done for this wedding, and I'll get him a present." <- that is total BS. It's you and your fiance's wedding. What else did your fiance expect other people to do for it?
Having said that... If your fiance doesn't get him anything, that's on your fiance and not you. Let it go, please. Getting involved will probably just make things worse, ya know?

Kate61487 · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_disagreement-with-groom-over-wedding-party-gifts-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:c956addf-7155-4ded-8f94-0f80d5ca95f3Post:7d40a0b9-fb8f-4af6-bf01-317dfcd35c02">Re: Disagreement with groom over wedding party gifts - Help!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Disagreement with groom over wedding party gifts - Help! : First, you should shop for each BP member like it's their birthday. That makes the wine and videogame a great gift for each of the GM. I hope that the jewelry and clutch you got your BM are not wedding related. Otherwise, they are props for the wedding and are not gifts. As to the GM your FI refuses to buy a gift for. It is customary to buy the gift as a thank you for standing up for him at the wedding. The GM is still planning to be at the wedding, right? Then he should be given something. Perhaps he too could get a bottle of wine or other booze he may like as a gift. It stinks that he was problematic during planning (I don't remember your other posts), but all any member of the BP needs to do is get the agreed upon outfit and show up. Even though your picking it up!
Posted by OliveOilsMom[/QUOTE]

ditto all of this; especially the bolded.

Yes, your FI should get him something. If he refuses let him know you'll pick something small for him then (a bottle of liquor or amaxon gift card or whatever). You should not override all of the GM gifts just b/c your FI is mad at the one guy.

auroraborealisabc · February 2013

In Response to Re:Disagreement with groom over wedding party gifts Help!:Uh, no. They are not your friends. Stay away from his choices he knows what's best for his friends. Posted by ahstillwell In response to a few statements/questions: The above is quite the presumption, especially considering the groomsmen are all family two mine, one his, a lot of his family couldn't commit to being there, and the groomsman in question is my BIL. The tone of that was kind of unnecessary/rude... Secondly, I may be wrong but I believe in that post I mentioned that I didn't just get flower girls handkerchiefs... I also got them personalized dolls made to look similar to them with dresses similar to their flower girl dresses. Not sure why I was attacked on this front, or even why it was mentioned as it had nothing to do with my question, but ok. Thirdly, it is nice to know that what I've bought my bridesmaids is not considered a gift... If I'd known that I wouldn't have got them the real deal, spending 500 plus dollars on them. So... Bridesmaids will get crazy jewels, some yet undetermined thing and this groomsman will get nothing, great lol. I understand I should try to not interfere, but I'm not sure this just reflects on my fiance, as some have said. This would reflect on me individually and us as a couple, and it's not how I want to come across to my family. I also understand that a gift is not given based on contribution, but that's not how he sees it and this person has been extremely difficult. Still not sure what to do.

auroraborealisabc · February 2013

Sorry for the crappy formatting above wrote from my phone.

Simply Fated · February 2013

The above is quite the presumption, especially considering the groomsmen are all family two mine, one his, a lot of his family couldn't commit to being there, and the groomsman in question is my BIL. The tone of that was kind of unnecessary/rude...
Regardless of the tone... You never mention in your OP that you're related to any of these people. The fact that they are on his side of the bridal party, leads most people to think they would be his friends or his family.
If they were your family, would they not be on your side? Unless they happen to be your family, but he's closer to them? Are you both equally close to them? If so, they could have been on your side, just as easily.
Either way, they are his groomsmen. On his side. So you'd be stepping into something that should have nothing to do with you. But they're your family so now you're torn between crossing a boundary and looking good in front of your family. I don't envy your position.

I still want to know, though... what other things besides showing up did your fiance expect him to do lol?

auroraborealisabc · February 2013

In Response to Re:Disagreement with groom over wedding party gifts Help!:[QUOTE] Either way, they are his groomsmen. On his side. So you'd be stepping into something that should have nothing to do with you. But they're your family so now you're torn between crossing a boundary and looking good in front of your family. I don't envy your position. I still want to know, though... what other things besides showing up did your fiance expect him to do lol? Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]

I think he mostly expected them to be nice, not complain about basic decisions we make, make any demands of us, and follow through on their word. There were quite a few things that have happened during the planning that haven't been great on their side. To name a few: they've been very clear that our rehearsal dinner is rude I wrote a more detailed post about this previously that I can link here later when at a computer, asked to use our wedding photographer for their own personal photos, refused to pick up his tux when the vendor requires it so we are doing for him, stepped up to organize a wedding party lunch but didn't include all of my FSIL's children or her husband which my fiance was extremely offended by in the reservation, so after inviting had to cut all of fiances side out including us, encourages bad behavior in his children in regards to us... The list goes on and on hard to type on phone. Other members of wedding party have not "contributed" further than committing to be there, and that's fine. I guess it's not so much that he hasn't contributed it is that he's added so much stress and work to it. Does that make sense? Nevertheless I still think we need to get him a gift, right?

renegade gaucho · February 2013

You told your FI to handle the gifts for his groomsmen (something you shouldn't have had to tell him to do, BTW), and now you're trying to control what he buys. It makes you look extremely bossy. His approach- shopping for each of them individually- is the right one. Copycat engraved gifts are lame. Do you know how many flasks and beer mugs my husband has with his name engraved on them? Do you really think a 13-year-old boy would prefer something like that over a video game? Gift giving is about what you think the recipient would want, not what you think he should have. The world is not going to end if your fiance gives them something different from what you would choose.

The only room you have to get involved here is regarding the groomsman that your husband wants to snub. You are correct that this would be extremely rude, and yes, showing up for the wedding counts as "doing something" for the wedding. If the groomsman's behavior has been so horrendous that it warrants not giving him a gift, then your fiance might as well kick him out of the wedding party and end the friendship.

GoodLuckBear14 · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_disagreement-with-groom-over-wedding-party-gifts-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:c956addf-7155-4ded-8f94-0f80d5ca95f3Post:eb47f15c-a719-40c2-96df-57a9e7e24a07">Re: Disagreement with groom over wedding party gifts - Help!</a>:
[QUOTE]Please get the groomsman something if your fiance won't. Shopping as if it were their birthday, or Christmas, IS how you're supposed to do it. Get them something they'll enjoy, not a meaningless trinket. Please get the flower girls a nice gift. I'm sorry....handkerchiefs are not a nice gift for anyone. The girl's mom will probably write you a nice thank-you note, and then use it for a dustcloth. The little girl certainly won't want it.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

Don't do this OP. This is about your FI's relationship with his friend. You interfering with it will go over just as well as this friend interfering with your FI's relationship with you. It's none of your business.

Summer2011Bride · February 2013

I don't think anyone was rude; they are responding to what you posted. If you had no interest in opinions on the FG gifts, for instance, you shouldn't have posted what they were. If the girls will like the dolls, then that gift is fine, but I don't know many young girls who would be excited about a hankerchief. That's all we're saying.

You SHOULD be shopping for each person like it is his/her birthday. This GM should get a gift because it is a thank you for standing up with your FI at the wedding and being an important person in his life. I would definitely impress that upon FI. It is not a "reward" for how much he's done for the wedding.

However, I would not go so far as to go above FI's head and get the GM a gift on your own. You said you didn't want to interfere and put FI in charge of those gifts, as it should be, so don't interfere.

OliveOilsMom · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_disagreement-with-groom-over-wedding-party-gifts-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:c956addf-7155-4ded-8f94-0f80d5ca95f3Post:9538b2c7-f211-4f70-b668-33cad4723557">Re:Disagreement with groom over wedding party gifts Help!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Disagreement with groom over wedding party gifts Help!: I think he mostly expected them to be nice, not complain about basic decisions we make, make any demands of us, and follow through on their word. There were quite a few things that have happened during the planning that haven't been great on their side. To name a few: they've been very clear that our rehearsal dinner is rude I wrote a more detailed post about this previously that I can link here later when at a computer, asked to use our wedding photographer for their own personal photos, refused to pick up his tux when the vendor requires it so we are doing for him, stepped up to organize a wedding party lunch but didn't include all of my FSIL's children or her husband which my fiance was extremely offended by in the reservation, so after inviting had to cut all of fiances side out including us, encourages bad behavior in his children in regards to us... The list goes on and on hard to type on phone. Other members of wedding party have not "contributed" further than committing to be there, and that's fine. I guess it's not so much that he hasn't contributed it is that he's added so much stress and work to it. Does that make sense? Nevertheless I still think we need to get him a gift, right?
Posted by auroraborealisabc[/QUOTE]

I will take the bolded one at a time:

If you are having a rehearsal, a RD is required. That said, if GM would rather go to one of the other parks or go on some rides, then he does not need to attend the rehearsal or RD. Neither are mandatory. And just like any pre-wedding party, an invited guest can decide to attend or not.

Unless they wanted your photographer to take an hour out of your already scheduled photos on your wedding day to take the family photos, this was perfectly ok as well. I used the same wedding photog as my friend, was that wrong of me? No. As long as it doesn't interfere with your wedding day timeline, they can use your photographer.

Are you paying for the tux at all? If so, what difference does it make? Would it be great that he could try it on, before you take it yes, but perhaps he can't schedule a pick up time. Just grab his tux when you get FI's and let the rest of it go.

The hosts of any pre-wedding party have the right to dictate the guest list. If they were excluding SOs and some children from a family, you have a right to ask they make this right. If they decided to keep the guest list as is, you had every right to decline the luncheon. They were the hosts and it reflects poorly on them.

As for the way the kids behave towards you. If a kid says something inappropriate to you, breaks or tries to damage something of yours, or hits you - I think you are well within your rights to tell that child to stop it. I have no problem stepping in when a child is doing anything against me, I don't care if a parent doesn't know how to say no, I do. I have done this with my niece, nephews, and my friends kids. You are allowed to stand up for yourself and your property.

auroraborealisabc · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_disagreement-with-groom-over-wedding-party-gifts-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:c956addf-7155-4ded-8f94-0f80d5ca95f3Post:2f1663b1-f9e2-4bca-962f-661362c360a4">Re: Disagreement with groom over wedding party gifts - Help!</a>:
[QUOTE]The only room you have to get involved here is regarding the groomsman that your husband wants to snub. You are correct that this would be extremely rude, and yes, showing up for the wedding counts as "doing something" for the wedding. If the groomsman's behavior has been so horrendous that it warrants not giving him a gift, then your fiance might as well kick him out of the wedding party and end the friendship.
Posted by renegade gaucho[/QUOTE]

That's kind of how I feel - not getting him a gift is akin to "we don't want you here" so why even have him there if that's the case? I don't want to go over his head, but I do disagree with the couple of people (I don't know how to multi quote, lol) who said it's none of my business and won't reflect on me etc... Without a doubt it would reflect on me as he is my brother-in-law, and even if he were a non-family friend of my fiance, it would still reflect on us as a couple and we would be being rude. I'm someone who tries extremely hard not to be rude (so I will be getting the bridemaids something else, more personalized... also, the dolls for the flower girls are not for the wedding in the least, lol), so I really don't want us (or him) to do something on purpose to, basically, put someone else down.

auroraborealisabc · February 2013

Ok, now I'm confused - I've been researching possiblities to get for bridesmaids gifts and every single list (including one on this very website) says that jewelry to be worn on the day (and after) is a gift, and every place even recommends this as a bridesmaid's gift. A few lists I found recommended "paying for their hair and makeup" for the day of to be a gift (which I didn't realize could be considered a gift...) According to the research I am doing, the jewelry, and hair and makeup (which I'm not dictating, just paying for) both count as gifts to the bridesmaids... I have to admit I don't agree with the hair/makeup one, but I also didn't realize that a lot of brides make their bridesmaids pay for it. I (or my mother, in the case of one) also paid for the bridesmaids dresses, the only thing I'm having them cover is their shoes, just because it's too difficult to go shoe shopping with bridesmaids in three different parts of the world. So, anyway, it's hard to swallow that this real-thing jewelry is not a gift. I get what you ladies are saying (really, I do), but it's also weird that many sites suggest the jewelry as a gift...

daveANDkristen · February 2013

I tried to quote your last post, OP, but my iPad is being weird. Here is my take on jewelry as a WP gift... Jewelry is a fine gift, if its something the recipient would enjoy. If you are buying them jewelry with the intention that they will wear it in the wedding and match for pictures, it ceases to be a gift for them, and becomes a gift for yourself. If you found some great earrings that remind you of your MOH, or a necklace that you think your BM would love, feel free to buy these as WP gifts. I suggest you pay no attention to the lists of recommended BM gifts. The thing is, I have personalized totes and jewelry I will never wear again that were given to me as BM gifts. Once the wedding was over, I had no use for these items. I was in a friend's wedding nearly 6 years ago, and the four of us BMs were given unattractive, unflattering tan pearl chokers as "gifts", which were of course intended for us to wear in the wedding. None of us have ever worn the thing again.

auroraborealisabc · February 2013

I didn't get anyone the same necklace or anything - All necklaces and earrings are either some cut of amethysts or smaller diamonds. They match in that they don't clash with each other, but none of them are exactly the same, and I hope that they will be able to use them again. In the case of the clear stones I would be shocked if they found no use for them again. That being said, I've decided to get them all a mini-spa day for a day of their choosing from various spas in their hometowns, as a non-directly wedding related gift.

Anyway, I appreciate all that feedback, but it's not what my original post was about. I'm still unsure what to do about this maybe-soon-to-be-snubbed groomsman... We are leaving for the wedding in one week... we need to figure this out, lol.

Maggie0829 · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_disagreement-with-groom-over-wedding-party-gifts-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:c956addf-7155-4ded-8f94-0f80d5ca95f3Post:48fcd6ca-9214-480f-9333-0aecf333d994">Re: Disagreement with groom over wedding party gifts - Help!</a>:
[QUOTE]I didn't get anyone the same necklace or anything - All necklaces and earrings are either some cut of amethysts or smaller diamonds. They match in that they don't clash with each other, but none of them are exactly the same, and I hope that they will be able to use them again. In the case of the clear stones I would be shocked if they found no use for them again. That being said, I've decided to get them all a mini-spa day for a day of their choosing from various spas in their hometowns, as a non-directly wedding related gift. Anyway, I appreciate all that feedback, but it's not what my original post was about. I'm still unsure what to do about this maybe-soon-to-be-snubbed groomsman... We are leaving for the wedding in one week... we need to figure this out, lol.
Posted by auroraborealisabc[/QUOTE]

You know, you don't have to purchase them another gift. Just don't require them to wear the jewelry to your wedding. You can give jewelry as a BM gift but it stops being a gift when it is required to be worn on the day of your wedding. If you just give them their jewelry as just a "Thank you for being a BM on my wedding day" gift and not a "Thank you for being a BM and now wear this on my wedding day" then the jewelry would be a perfectly fine stand alone present. It is the fact that you are requiring them to wear it that makes it a non-gift. Know what I mean?

And stop looking up lists of what type of presents to give to your BMs. People on here told you over and over that the gifts do not have to be the same and that you should purchase them items that you know that they would love (like you would for Christmas and their birthdays). Those lists that pop up through google are ridiculous and wrong. Just because you are getting married does not mean that eveything you buy has to be wedding related.

As for your currrent problem. I would talk with your FI. Explain to him that his GM is doing what he is required of a GM and that is standing up next to your on the wedding day. Yes, he may have made things a bit more stressful but that is no reason to snub him by not getting him a present. The GM is still a person and is still allowed to speak up, state his opinion, and pick and choose what he does and does not want to do. Being in your wedding does not change who he is.

daveANDkristen · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_disagreement-with-groom-over-wedding-party-gifts-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:c956addf-7155-4ded-8f94-0f80d5ca95f3Post:48fcd6ca-9214-480f-9333-0aecf333d994">Re: Disagreement with groom over wedding party gifts - Help!</a>:
[QUOTE]I didn't get anyone the same necklace or anything - All necklaces and earrings are either some cut of amethysts or smaller diamonds. They match in that they don't clash with each other, but none of them are exactly the same, and I hope that they will be able to use them again. In the case of the clear stones I would be shocked if they found no use for them again. That being said, I've decided to get them all a mini-spa day for a day of their choosing from various spas in their hometowns, as a non-directly wedding related gift. Anyway, I appreciate all that feedback, but it's not what my original post was about. I'm still unsure what to do about this maybe-soon-to-be-snubbed groomsman... We are leaving for the wedding in one week... we need to figure this out, lol.
Posted by auroraborealisabc[/QUOTE]

I'm not sure why you are unsure, you've already been told many times that it would be wrong to snub one member of your WP. Does your FI want to sever the friendship? This would be a good way to do it. You said that you didn't expect anything (gifts, parties, etc.) from your WP, so it sounds like the GM is in the doghouse for having a poor attitude. Your FI is pissed at the guy, maybe for good reason, but take a moment to think about how petty "he didn't earn a present" sounds. You have already been told the right thing to do, so it seems like you are just waiting until you hear what you want to hear. You will have many disagreements and compromises throughout your marriage, and I'd urge you to take this opportunity to work this out with your FI, rather than letting him go ahead and make a very rude mistake.

auroraborealisabc · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_disagreement-with-groom-over-wedding-party-gifts-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:c956addf-7155-4ded-8f94-0f80d5ca95f3Post:25618bf9-8fb4-4a0f-8cf2-bd7a0da75a09">Re: Disagreement with groom over wedding party gifts - Help!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Disagreement with groom over wedding party gifts - Help! : I'm not sure why you are unsure, you've already been told many times that it would be wrong to snub one member of your WP. Does your FI want to sever the friendship? This would be a good way to do it. You said that you didn't expect anything (gifts, parties, etc.) from your WP, so it sounds like the GM is in the doghouse for having a poor attitude. Your FI is pissed at the guy, maybe for good reason, but take a moment to think about how petty "he didn't earn a present" sounds. You have already been told the right thing to do, so it seems like you are just waiting until you hear what you want to hear. You will have many disagreements and compromises throughout your marriage, and I'd urge you to take this opportunity to work this out with your FI, rather than letting him go ahead and make a very rude mistake.
Posted by daveANDkristen[/QUOTE]

Completely agree with this - he just still hasn't budged. A lot of people have said I shouldn't go over his head, and just get something, but I'm not sure what else to do since I don't consider not having a gift for him to be an option. I'm going to have another discussion with him this weekend, so hopefully I can change his mind.

Disagreement with groom over wedding party gifts - Help!

Re: Disagreement with groom over wedding party gifts - Help!

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