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Honoring a grandparent that passed unexpectedly 7 months before wedding

Knottie1443721062Knottie1443721062 member
10 Comments First Anniversary 5 Love Its
in Wedding Vows & Ceremony Discussions

My FH's Grandpa passed away a couple months ago (very unexpectedly) so we are doing something special for him at the Ceremony. It was his Mom's dad and this was also kind of her idea. My FH wants to walk down the aisle with a white rose (or lily) and place it on the chair where he would have sat. I know, this is going to be sad. But, should he escort his mother down the aisle when he does this? His parents are divorced and if he doesn't escort her then I guess one of the groomsmen would ? Neither of us have any living grandparents. I'm not sure how this would all work out. I really don't want her to carry the rose down the aisle because I think that would put too much focus on her and make it even more sad. Then for my Grandma that passed away 2 years ago we will have photos somewhere at the ceremony of her along with one of his Grandpa. Should we then bring these photos into the reception area or would that be too much? I'm a little confused on the whole thing.

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Re: Honoring a grandparent that passed unexpectedly 7 months before wedding

  • MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited April 2012
    My condolences on the loss of all the grandparents.

    If this is going to be a religious ceremony, you should ask the pastor if there is an appropriate way to honor your loved ones that have passed on. In the religion, in which I was brought up, it is traditional to include prayers for the departed (often mentioned by name), along with special intentions, during the ceremony. 

    I hope you are not offended by this, but the lily placed on an empty seat seems very morbid to me. Your fi should escort his mom down the aisle. The lily can be included in her corsage or she can hold a nosegay during the ceremony.  After the wedding, she could, privately, place the corsage on her fathers grave. There's no need to make a production of it.

    Alternatively, would you consider setting up a small table at the reception with framed photographs of the grandparents? Your new MIL could place her flower there, if she prefers not to go to the cemetary. Use copies of the photos, rather than originals, so they won't be damaged. Place the table in an area where those who want to look at them can enjoy them, without upsetting others who may find it to be a painful reminder of their loss.

    If you want to do more than that, you and fi could make a memorial donation to a charity in  honor of the grandparents. Mention it in your programs, if you are having them or give your parents a card to let them know.

    If, by any chance, any of the grandparents have surviving widows or widowers, please run your plans by them, to make sure they will not be upset by the memorials.

    Good luck.
                       
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  • hellebhelleb member
    100 Comments Second Anniversary
    I think it depends on how your family feels most comfortable remembering your past loved ones.  If you choose to do the flower in the empty seat, I would have him walk his mother down with him.

    I have seen other people have special rememberance arrangements then in the program they put that the arrangement is in honor of .... then the arrangement is moved to a small table at the reception with photos (great idea not using the originals).  You could even have a card on the table explaining what the arrangement means or your thanks for having the loved one in your life.

    I agree with talking to living loved ones first and trying to make it as even as possible for all loved ones lost.

    Hope this helps!  Just remember that no matter what your loved ones want you to celebrate this day.  They would be sad if you made the festivties anything but joyful :)
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