Honeymoon registry

rocket1415 · May 2012

Does anyone know how to set one up? Is it too rude to ask for money? We are all family after all. Any experiences?

JoanE2012 · May 2012

I'd love to ask for money! I hear with honeymoon registries, it's pretty much like getting cash. (there is a fee though I think) You don't HAVE to spend it on the horseback ride you said you would. I mean, I wouldn't want to lie to family. But I really don't want household goods either. KWIM?

MNVegas · May 2012

People already know cash makes a great gift. Asking for it even when disguised as a HM registry is very rude. Do a small registry at a store for people who prefer to do boxed gifts. Others will get the hint that cash is appreciated and will put cash/check in a card. No need to set up some website to collect money and have them take a cut of your gift money.

You can also have your wedding party spread word of mouth about being registered at store x but also saving for a honeymoon.

Snippylynn · May 2012

Yes it's rude to ask for money.

There is so much wrong with honeymoon registries, I can't even list it all, but here's the highlights:

- You pay a fee for a site hosting money. Your guests want to give you $100, but you only get $90. Seems stupid to lose $10.

- There is no requirement that you spend any of the money you receive on the things people purchase for you: which is just a plain old lie.

- Many people think something like this will pay for your honeymoon. The fact is, it won't. Also, much of the money will not be received until AFTER you have already taken your honeymoon.

Now, if this still sounds like a great idea for you, well, you're a worse person than I thought. If you realize it's not good, my suggestion is to make a small registry for upgrades on a few things, and once that is gone, just leave it alone. People will give you cash without you giving up a cut or any lies attached.

Eliz77 · May 2012

I had no idea an HM registry even existed. My travel agent brought it up and at 1st I was all excited, I thought maybe it meant we listed various activities/restaurants we were interested in and the agent would set it up so people could give us gift cards to them. Well, when I inquired about it, turns out the guests would pay the agent X amount of money, agent keeps 10% and then gives us a card that reads something like,"X-10% was put towards your overall HM total!" You have to know your guests...personally I would not be offended, I'd love to contribute knowing it would be very helpful/appreciative, but I know some of my family would be, so I nixed that idea.

P.S....I don't think doing a HM registry makes you a bad person. But you have to know your guests and if it may offend some people, may not be worthwhile doing.

rocket1415 · May 2012

Thanks Eliz, I think you are right. Probably best to ask for money from people you know would not be offended (like parents) and have a regular registry or let other guests bring whatever they feel appropriate.

goobersinlove · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_honeymoon_honeymoon-registry-44?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:11Discussion:c49ac5ac-f992-4f12-b568-f785680db427Post:5f3dfee0-7754-421f-944a-9c0f097ca5b0">Re: Honeymoon registry</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks Eliz, I think you are right. <strong>Probably best to ask for money from people you know would not be offended</strong> (like parents) and have a regular registry or let other guests bring whatever they feel appropriate.
Posted by rocket1415[/QUOTE]

Actually, it's best not to ASK for any money at all, period. Teenagers ask for money - not adults who are grown up enough to get married. Asking for money makes you look entitled.

However, if your parents OFFER you money, or ASK YOU what you prefer, that's totally different.

rocket1415 · May 2012

Gosh, thanks Goobersinlove, I can't believe I almost got married when I am clearly so immature. I told my ex fiance last night how I was asking for information on honeymoon registries when a complete stranger told me how teenaged it was for me to ask my mom help with our honeymoon. He was in such shock that a UCLA honors graduate could make such a mistake as to ask family for help that he felt we should split ways until I learned better. Thanks again! Are you a premarital therapist, because you should be!

Maggie0829 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_honeymoon_honeymoon-registry-44?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:11Discussion:c49ac5ac-f992-4f12-b568-f785680db427Post:0c3f5cf1-682e-414b-8a95-ada6c8361c12">Re:Honeymoon registry</a>:
[QUOTE]Gosh, thanks Goobersinlove, I can't believe I almost got married when I am clearly so immature. I told my ex fiance last night how I was asking for information on honeymoon registries when a complete stranger told me how teenaged it was for me to ask my mom help with our honeymoon. He was in such shock that a UCLA honors graduate could make such a mistake as to ask family for help that he felt we should split ways until I learned better. Thanks again! Are you a premarital therapist, because you should be!
Posted by rocket1415[/QUOTE]

As a UCLA honors graduate then you are smart enought to know that asking your Mother for help with paying for a vacation is rude (because that is what a HM is, a vacation). Now if you and your FI were financially hurting to the point where you were about to lose your house or car, etc then it would be ok to ask your Mother for help. But to ask her to pay for your HM is rude and immature. As a grown adult you should be able to pay for your own vacations.

amk1310 · May 2012

Well, here's the thing. Some people are VERY offended by the idea of a honeymoon registry. Some find it very tacky. So if you're not sure how your guests will react, then you might not want to use one. Do a small registry at a store instead. Guests who can't find something they want to buy on the registry are likely to give you cash anyway.

If, however, you ARE sure that people will be okay with it, then I guess it's an option. Just keep in mind that the registry usually takes a portion of the money received OUT. Also keep in mind that some guests may not be web savvy, have PayPal, whatever.

I will admit that my fiance and I committed the horrible etiquette breach of having a honeymoon registry (*gasp*). However, we did so because we are having a very small wedding, and we felt sure that our guests would not be offended -- in some cases because they used one themselves, in others because they encouraged us to pursue the idea when we talked about considering it. We also set up a site that only gives the option of giving cash, so no percentage is taken out. And we also set up a small registry at Target for anyone who does want to buy a "regular" gift.

Oh, and I do think it's rude NOT to use the money the way the gift-giver intended. My fiance and I plan to include a photo of us doing the activity in our thank you notes (whenever possible), just so the giver can enjoy knowing the gift was truly "received". If they didn't care how you spent it, they would've just given cash, after all.

Snippylynn · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_honeymoon_honeymoon-registry-44?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:11Discussion:c49ac5ac-f992-4f12-b568-f785680db427Post:0c3f5cf1-682e-414b-8a95-ada6c8361c12">Re:Honeymoon registry</a>:
[QUOTE]Gosh, thanks Goobersinlove, I can't believe I almost got married when I am clearly so immature. I told my ex fiance last night how I was asking for information on honeymoon registries when a complete stranger told me how teenaged it was for me to ask my mom help with our honeymoon. He was in such shock that a UCLA honors graduate could make such a mistake as to ask family for help that he felt we should split ways until I learned better. Thanks again! Are you a premarital therapist, because you should be!
Posted by rocket1415[/QUOTE]
Hey look! YOu're an assshole! Anyone who has to toss around that they are a UCLA honors grad (along with what, 20,000 other people a year?) then they are definitely immature.

Thanks for proving the point though!

dazyabbey · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_honeymoon_honeymoon-registry-44?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:11Discussion:c49ac5ac-f992-4f12-b568-f785680db427Post:f7935495-f6ec-4c72-8eb4-8c0d098df85e">Re: Honeymoon registry</a>:
[QUOTE]Well, here's the thing. Some people are VERY offended by the idea of a honeymoon registry. Some find it very tacky. So if you're not sure how your guests will react, then you might not want to use one. Do a small registry at a store instead. Guests who can't find something they want to buy on the registry are likely to give you cash anyway. If, however, you ARE sure that people will be okay with it, then I guess it's an option. Just keep in mind that the registry usually takes a portion of the money received OUT. Also keep in mind that some guests may not be web savvy, have PayPal, whatever. I will admit that my fiance and I committed the horrible etiquette breach of having a honeymoon registry (*gasp*). :) However, we did so because we are having a very small wedding, and we felt sure that our guests would not be offended -- in some cases because they used one themselves, in others because they encouraged us to pursue the idea when we talked about considering it. We also set up a site that only gives the option of giving cash, so no percentage is taken out. And we also set up a small registry at Target for anyone who does want to buy a "regular" gift. Oh, and I do think it's rude NOT to use the money the way the gift-giver intended. My fiance and I plan to include a photo of us doing the activity in our thank you notes (whenever possible), just so the giver can enjoy knowing the gift was truly "received". If they didn't care how you spent it, they would've just given cash, after all.
Posted by amk1310[/QUOTE]

Agreed.

rocket1415 · May 2012

In Response to Re:Honeymoon registry:In Response to Re:Honeymoon registry:Gosh, thanks Goobersinlove, I can't believe I almost got married when I am clearly so immature. I told my ex fiance last night how I waiis asking for information on honeymoon registries when a complete stranger told me how teenaged it was for me to ask my mom help with our honeymoon. He was in such shock that a UCLA honors graduate could make such a mistake as to ask family for help that he felt we should split ways until I learned better. Thanks again! Are you a premarital therapist, because you should be!Posted by rocket1415Hey look! YOu're an assshole! Anyone who has to toss around that they are a UCLA honors grad along with what, 20,000 other people a year? then they are definitely immature. Thanks for proving the point though! Posted by Snippylynn" I forgot this is a place where you brag about your giant diamond ring, not your educational background thats how you prove you are mature enough to marry right? Its unfortunate that there seems to be more people ready to judge you here then help you. I was looking for direction for my tiny 20 person wedding and modest honeymoon. If you don't believe in honeymoon registries, don't reply. I don't need to hear how im not mature enough to get married. And for the record I don't think anybody should ever worry about asking for help for anything from close family. They can always say no. That'll be the last you'll hear from me.

dawnleanna1 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_honeymoon_honeymoon-registry-44?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:11Discussion:c49ac5ac-f992-4f12-b568-f785680db427Post:f7935495-f6ec-4c72-8eb4-8c0d098df85e">Re: Honeymoon registry</a>:
[QUOTE]Well, here's the thing. Some people are VERY offended by the idea of a honeymoon registry. Some find it very tacky. So if you're not sure how your guests will react, then you might not want to use one. Do a small registry at a store instead. Guests who can't find something they want to buy on the registry are likely to give you cash anyway. If, however, you ARE sure that people will be okay with it, then I guess it's an option. Just keep in mind that the registry usually takes a portion of the money received OUT. Also keep in mind that some guests may not be web savvy, have PayPal, whatever. I will admit that my fiance and I committed the horrible etiquette breach of having a honeymoon registry (*gasp*). :) However, we did so because we are having a very small wedding, and we felt sure that our guests would not be offended -- in some cases because they used one themselves, in others because they encouraged us to pursue the idea when we talked about considering it. We also set up a site that only gives the option of giving cash, so no percentage is taken out. And we also set up a small registry at Target for anyone who does want to buy a "regular" gift. Oh, and <strong>I do think it's rude NOT to use the money the way the gift-giver intended. My fiance and I plan to include a photo of us doing the activity in our thank you notes (whenever possible), just so the giver can enjoy knowing the gift was truly "received"</strong>. If they didn't care how you spent it, they would've just given cash, after all.
Posted by amk1310[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Same here. We also did a HM registry. I had no idea that so many ppl were so against it. Oh, well it's already done, and I don't feel like our guests will find it offensive. We did however, create a small traditional registry as well for guests that were not comfortable with a HM registry.

</div>

Alora1331 · May 2012

I honestly dont see why its so rude to ask for money when people are willing to buy you crap you dont need. seriously if you dont need the normal newlywed gifts then why pretend and ask for that. I'm not registering anywhere, if people want to give money as a gift then thats fine. If someone buys me something that I do not need then what good is that for anyone except a waste of money. Maybe a honeymoon registry is not the best idea but at least it does give an option to have people "give a gift" instead of asking for money flat out. I just dont see why there are so many rude comments on here. Its very disrespectful, especially for the poor girl who was just asking a simple question. Now there is a lot of comments on how "shes a bad person for asking for money". oh heaven forbid! get a life people and hold you judgements, share your information and experiences and be respectful.

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