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Charity shower...tacky?

Jessjess22Jessjess22
in Moms and Maids
I am my sister's MOH and trying to plan her shower. My sister already lives with her fiancé and has a fully stocked house. She has told me she has no interest in a traditional shower but our mother and the other bridesmaids all want to do something for her.

The BTB is a frequent contributor to several charities and I am considering throwing her a charity shower. I have read some opinions online that charity showers are tacky and rude.
My thought was to give guests the option between contributing to one of a few select charities in honor of the couple OR bring a homemade or sentimental gift. Instead of a traditional wishing well I would ask guests to bring a canned good to donate to a food pantry. I also want to ask guests to contribute a recipe or two to be compiled in a book for the BTB.

I am hoping this way the shower still appeals to the more old school guests.
So can we pull this off without being tacky? Does anyone have any advice on how else to make a charitable shower appealing to all guests?
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Re: Charity shower...tacky?

  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I think contributing to charities is a great thing, however, a lot of times it is a very personal choice as to which charity a person contributes to.  With that being said I think the charity aspect should be kept out of any and all wedding and pre-wedding parties.

    Now, if you, the brides Mom and other bridesmaids would like to make a donation in the brides name to a charity that she supports as a "gift" to the bride then that is perfectly acceptable.

    Will the bride be registering?  If not then a shower really shouldn't be given.  The purpose of a shower is to "shower" the bride with gifts and it sounds like you really don't want people bringing gifts.

    Why not just do a nice luncheon with the brides close family and friends?  Instead of calling it a shower you can just say something to the fact of "to celebrate the bride to be".  I do think it is a good idea to ask each guest to bring their favorite recipe (possibly on a card that you provide in the invite) to make a nice recipe book for the bride.

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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited December 2012
    Asking shower guests to contribute to the bride and groom's favorite charity is inappropriate. What if the guests don't want to support those organizations that your sister favors? Very awkward.

    If you and your mom want to do something for your sister, why not plan some kind of get together to celebrate? Have a cocktail party, bridal luncheon, or icecream social, so the women can get together to toast the bride and chat.

    If you want to make a scrapbook or cookbook for your sister, enclose cards with the invitations for the guests to share their good wishes or a  recipe. Take pictures at the get together to add in to the book. It will be a nice memento for your sister. If you request 'home made' gifts, your sister could end up with a bunch of white elephants-exactly what she is trying to avoid.
                       
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  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Ditto Maggie's idea on hosting a luncheon for the bride and requesting that guests bring a recipe to give to the bride.  If guests ask about gifts, just tell them it's not a shower, just a get together for the bride.  And the only thing requested of the guests is that they bring back the recipe card filled out with the guest's favorite recipe.
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  • PeledreamsofrainPeledreamsofrain member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    I personally wouldn't be offended, and think more of the bride for sharing with charity. However, there are a lot of people out there that get offended at any requests for money, especially at a shower.
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  • FancypantsamyFancypantsamy member
    100 Comments Second Anniversary
    My cousin in law was similar - she is shy and didn't want ot open a bunch of gifts in front of people, and she already had a fully stocked home. Her sister threw her a bridal lunch, and when asked about gifts, told people that it was not a gift giving event. If pressed (some people really wanted to get her a shower gift) she requested some ornaments for her tree or donations to her local animal shelter. Again, these requests were verbally given after being asked, not written in the invitation or anything. I think that was a gracious way to do it. 
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  • kmmssgkmmssg mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    Agree with everyone else, it is very very inappropriate.  If she has no interest in a shower, respect her wishes and don't shove one at her.

    Have a nice luncheon with Bride, BM's and the mom's.  Please let the shower idea go.
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  • stantokmstantokm member
    100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    Why not have a lingerie shower?  I also like the Christmas ornament/holiday decorations and recipe card ideas.  There are ways to gift the "fully stocked" couples with things that they wouldn't think about registering for.
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  • Kate61487Kate61487 member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 250 Love Its Name Dropper

    PPs have already covered the tacky / money / charity issue.  But I'd also be turned off that you want me, as a guest, to donate to charity AND bring a canned good AND bring a recipe.  it just feels like too much.

    Have a bridal luncheon, do the recipe thing if you want, but I wouldn't ask guests for more than one thing.

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  • dtbluvdtbluv member
    100 Comments 25 Love Its
    edited December 2012
    I personally would be mortified at a lingerie shower, but even my mom says I'm weirdly conservative about stuff like that, so it really depends on the person.

    I had a friend throw a "favorite things" shower (for someone else, not me) and everyone brought one of their favorite things for the bride; a particular brand of chapstick, a book, a certain kind of tea, whatever.  It was requested (not in the invitation or anything, a word of mouth request) to keep the presents small as the bride had to fly home with the gifts.
    We were also requested to email the hostess our favorite recipe and our favorite picture of us with the bride, and she put them all together in a book.
    The bride loved this.  She had a super tiny registry because her and FI had pretty much everything they wanted/needed, but the favorite things gifts were more personal and meant more to her than blender or something that she personally wouldn't use.
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  • Momma71511Momma71511
    10 Comments
    If she does not want a shower, you should respect her wishes. My daughter did not want a shower and her bridesmaids surprised her with one. She wasn't happy.
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  • Dreamergirl8812Dreamergirl8812 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    I would be pissed if not only did I have to buy a BM dress and all of the other expenses associated with attending a wedding, but now you're making me give cash to a charity??



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