Marrying a non-catholic

catalina513 · December 2011

Hi!! My boyfriend and I are talking about getting married. He is "atheist" (that's what he likes to say... honestly, he's Buddhist without the label) but he was baptized in a Baptist church about 15 years ago.

Obviously, I'm Catholic and have a very strong faith. After talking about the ceremony, the BF said that he would get married in the Catholic Church to make me happy. The only problem is that he doesn't want to have to pledge any affiliation to a God he doesn't believe in. He will profess his love for me, he will even promise that our future children will be raised in the Catholic Church.

Does anyone know if it's possible for us to get married in the Church since he's technically baptized but not practicing (I'm assuming that's how the Church will look at it, since baptism is an indelible mark that stays with you forever). Has anyone been in this situation before?

Thanks for your help!!

P.S we live in Jersey, in the Camden dio.

agapecarrie · December 2011

Both of the couple have to be in the clear about these things:

-Coming freely without reservation to give yourselves in marriage

-love and honor for the rest of your life

-open to children and bring them up according to the laws of Christ and his church

and then the vows "I take you to be my spouse to love and honor in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health as long as we both shall live"

One of the couple has to be Catholic. The priest can take care of getting permission for you to be in a mixed marrigae. It will be a sacrament, even though he doesn't believe in it.

lalaith50 · December 2011

I am pretty sure that only the Catholic party has to agree to raise the kids Catholic.

bibliophile2010 · December 2011

Yes, you can get married in the Church. He only needs to promise not to interfere with your raising your kids Catholic. Ditto others on the process.

I recommend to everyone that, if you haven't already, you have a really long talk about the role religion will play in your lives and make sure you're on the same page.

Calypso1977 · December 2011

you shoudl be ok. but the question you really need to ask yourself is, if you are strong in your faith, why are you marrying an atheist? think about the possible issues and complications you may have with your future children, whose souls you will be responsible for.

professorscience · December 2011

My husband's aunt is married to an atheist. I have never met two people more in love, but I think their daughter has been greatly affected by her father's beliefs, and that makes me sad. It's definitely something you need to consider. Likewise, my SIL married a non-Catholic Christian who vowed in their wedding to raise their children in the church, but reneged on that promise as soon as they started talking about starting a family -- it eventually led to their divorce.

Your boyfriend does not need to be Catholic in order for you to get married in the church, but he does have to agree to support you and your faith.

I agree with PPs that before that ring is on your finger, the two of you need to really examine your consciences and your relationship. It is a big committment to make and religious differences that are just ignored can tear even the best relationships apart.

Edit: I must admit, I thought Catarntina started this thread and I was confused.

Calypso1977 · December 2011

Edit: I must admit, I thought Catarntina started this thread and I was confused.

haha, i looked three times as well!

bibliophile2010 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_marrying-non-catholic-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:7f7fcf1b-7ed7-42e0-b84c-1f25f239aec7Post:abab5f89-9cd1-4abe-8dc3-21eaec488288">Re: Marrying a non-catholic</a>:
[QUOTE]Edit: I must admit, I thought Catarntina started this thread and I was confused. haha, i looked three times as well!
Posted by Calypso1977[/QUOTE]

LOL -- that would be super confusing!!!

AshP12 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_marrying-non-catholic-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:7f7fcf1b-7ed7-42e0-b84c-1f25f239aec7Post:9ac9ba55-6559-4f0a-998d-bfced8aefff9">Re: Marrying a non-catholic</a>:
[QUOTE]I am pretty sure that only the Catholic party has to agree to raise the kids Catholic.
Posted by lalaith50[/QUOTE]

Actually, neither of you has to promise to raise your children Catholic. I (the Catholic party) had to sign something saying that our children would be raised in faith and to believe in Jesus, but did not need to be baptized Catholic if it would place our marriage in jeopardy.

According to my priest, the Church changed their requirements because they realized that a fair number of divorces were due to couples who simply couldn't work out the Catholic baptism issue. As long as you say you'll raise them Christian, you're good to go.

Riss91 · December 2011

Hmm... Canon Law requires Catholic, not simply Christian upbringing. This is from the mixed marriages section, explaining what is required for a mixed marriage to be valid:

Can. 1125 The local ordinary can grant a permission of this kind if there is a just and reasonable cause. He is not to grant it unless the following conditions have been fulfilled:

1/ the Catholic party is to declare that he or she is prepared to remove dangers of defecting from the faith and is to make a sincere promise to do all in his or her power so that all offspring are baptized and brought up in the Catholic Church;

2/ the other party is to be informed at an appropriate time about the promises which the Catholic party is to make, in such a way that it is certain that he or she is truly aware of the promise and obligation of the Catholic party;

3/ both parties are to be instructed about the purposes and essential properties of marriage which neither of the contracting parties is to exclude.

mica178 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_marrying-non-catholic-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:7f7fcf1b-7ed7-42e0-b84c-1f25f239aec7Post:9ac9ba55-6559-4f0a-998d-bfced8aefff9">Re: Marrying a non-catholic</a>:
[QUOTE]I am pretty sure that only the Catholic party has to agree to raise the kids Catholic.
Posted by lalaith50[/QUOTE]

I thought it was that the Catholic party has to agree to try to raise the kids Catholic, and the non-Catholic party agrees to not interfere with this.

agapecarrie · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_marrying-non-catholic-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:7f7fcf1b-7ed7-42e0-b84c-1f25f239aec7Post:a127fa18-791c-42c5-b52d-132b2d4ded73">Re: Marrying a non-catholic</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Marrying a non-catholic : Actually, neither of you has to promise to raise your children Catholic. I (the Catholic party) had to sign something saying that our children would be raised in faith and to believe in Jesus, but did not need to be baptized Catholic if it would place our marriage in jeopardy. According to my priest, the Church changed their requirements because they realized that a fair number of divorces were due to couples who simply couldn't work out the Catholic baptism issue. As long as you say you'll raise them Christian, you're good to go.
Posted by AshP12[/QUOTE]

This is not Catholic practice.

IF you did sign something that said : "our children would be raised in faith and to believe in Jesus, but did not need to be baptized Catholic if it would place our marriage in jeopardy." then that priest wrote up his own, and should be reported to the Bishop.

Hilraythebride · February 2012

Yes, you can get married in a Catholic church. I am not Catholic and my FI is. As long as you are a baptized Christian and have not been previously married you can!

I don't beleive you have to make any commitments to Christ as the Lord is your witness.

They have also changed the wording about raising the children Catholic and to my understanding it means that for the Catholic person they wil do anything and everything in their power to raise the children Catholic and for the non Catholic it means they will not stand in the way of the children being raised Catholic.

I recently went on my engaged encounter weekend and a couple that we became friends with the groom to be was athiest but baptized christian. I would def recommend the EE weekend for the two of you because it will be able to oen his eyes to the way of the Catholic church and show him why it is so important for you to be married in the Catholic church as it did for me. You will also be able to openly discuss different topics that are way important but aren't involving religion.

Marrying a non-catholic

Re: Marrying a non-catholic

Choose Another Board

Search Boards