Slight Rant....Am I crazy?

anniemac1581 · February 2012

Am I crazy here or being a little too much of a "miss manners check your etiquette?" type of person? When you address an invitation to a specific person or couple or family for that matter..you are inviting them and them alone, right? How come people do not understand this? I have had people ask to bring kids, friends, coworkers...to all events so far- bachelorette, shower and wedding! I serioulsy had a budget to stick with and my fiance and I cut our lists to incorporate for our parents as they were kind enough to help pay for the cost. It really puts the host in an awkard position when you call them and ask "can i bring so-and-so?" and they have to explain why. Why cant people just understand the invite is for the guests who are listed on it? I mean..weddings have been around for a while now..right? Ugh. SO SORRY for venting...

em01092 · February 2012

No, you are not crazy at all! I understand your frustration. I think it's because society is becoming less formal over all with texts, emails, etc, and I think people just are not aware that this is rude. They figure they have a valid reason to call you up and ask, thinking it'll be NBD. Also I think people who are younger and/or who have not had a wedding of their own are more likely to do this, because those who have had a wedding know what this is like to face. In addition, I think family/close friends may try to do it because they figure you'll make an exception.

Just stick to your guns and explain that the invitation was for _____ only. If they whine about how they need to be able to bring their kids, say you are sorry for the inconvenience, that you understand, and that they will be missed.

bridalgal50 · February 2012

No- you are not crazy, you simply understand the rules of etiquette-unlike so many people!! ugh.

I also get annoyed with those that think "no response=I'm not coming". Really? How hard is it to check a little box and mail back a little envelope that already has the stamp on it for you!!??

kmac821 · February 2012

I totally agree. I'm 24 so my own wedding is going to be like the 4th I've ever been to--and I definitely didn't know all of the etiquette things... but now that I do I'll never do this to my friends or weddings I'm invited to! We've yet to get those responses yet... but I'm not holding my breath!

rlavach · February 2012

You're not crazy. I can almost kind of see how someone might try to ask to bring their kid. Sometimes they can twist the wording to their favor on that one. But to bring a friend or coworker? That's out there. Was it that their SO couldn't come, so they're trying to bring a filler?

I'm actually kind of afraid of that happening to me too since I have a cousin who recently broke up with his on-again/off-again girlfriend. I already sent out the invites, so I'm afriad that he'll just bring some new random chick along. Now, I'm really not going to die if that happens, but I'd prefer it doesn't.

Sorry you're going through this. Honestly, you don't owe them any explantion. I refuse to tell people that we can't accomodate their sorority sister friend from 10 years ago because we have a small budget. That is none of their business.

Hopefully they'll all get some sense knocked into them!

c_meahan · February 2012

Going through the same thing! At least 10 people have asked us and my cousin even wrote in a date. He is throwing a fit because I said no, as of right now. He even said well I'm going to ask your brother if I can have his plus one. I don't get it!! I would never in a million years even think to ask!

AmandaSC1988 · February 2012

I guess I don't really see the problem. We are on a tight budget... and space limitations... but I have had 2 people RSVP for 2 when only one was on the invite. At first I was annoyed, but I want them to enjoy themselves, and being a shy person I understand how uncomfortable it can be to go to a wedding alone, and I would rather have them enjoy themselves instead of just sitting alone being miserable.

chickenbut143 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2012-weddings_slight-rantam-i-crazy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:05427f07-4ba2-44d6-9271-99a7af1ee5c0Discussion:babfeec8-0a6e-4dfc-9aa3-dd613d9b0af6Post:03cee8d9-9670-4e41-b6e7-05e251aceda9">Re: Slight Rant....Am I crazy?</a>:
[QUOTE] I also get annoyed with those that think "no response=I'm not coming". Really? How hard is it to check a little box and mail back a little envelope that already has the stamp on it for you!!??
Posted by bridalgal50[/QUOTE]

Me too - this is driving me batty! I've got at least 50 RSVP's still out there and our due date is March 10. 2 more weeks!! They better get on it!

Chrismben0716 · February 2012

Thank goodness I am not the only one....I thought I was crazy too!!! So far only one person has done this, but the invite was addressed specifically to her and on the RSVP she wrote it that she is bringing 2 guests!!! Really??? When did it become appropriate to just invite random people to an event. We are on a tight budget with dinner and just don't have the extra room. Ugh...

rardito · February 2012

I think most people just don't know the etiquette rules on weddings. I didn't know a lot of them until I started planning myself, and I have people constantly tell me to do things against etiquette (without bad intentions).

I anticipated that this would happen, so I had my RSVP cards say how many seats we had reserved for each guest. I have still had two people ask if they can bring a guest, which I am allowing because one doesn't really know anyone at the wedding (except her ex) and the other is my FI's godmother and I think she may have started dating someone. I don't think she really knows anyone besides FI's mom anyway.

So if they were only invited by themselves, I am generally letting people bring a guest IF they ask. Of course everyone in a relationship was invited with their SO as well. So there aren't that many single guests invited anyway. But if I have people ask to bring their kids, I will be saying no.

Also the venue can seat 500 so I don't have the issue of space limitations.

rlavach · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2012-weddings_slight-rantam-i-crazy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:05427f07-4ba2-44d6-9271-99a7af1ee5c0Discussion:babfeec8-0a6e-4dfc-9aa3-dd613d9b0af6Post:38943d62-6f4f-4ba7-adaf-cd45e23ef7e4">Re: Slight Rant....Am I crazy?</a>:
[QUOTE]I think most people just don't know the etiquette rules on weddings. I didn't know a lot of them until I started planning myself, and I have people constantly tell me to do things against etiquette (without bad intentions).<strong> I anticipated that this would happen, so I had my RSVP cards say how many seats we had reserved for each guest. </strong> I have still had two people ask if they can bring a guest, which I am allowing because one doesn't really know anyone at the wedding (except her ex) and the other is my FI's godmother and I think she may have started dating someone. I don't think she really knows anyone besides FI's mom anyway. So if they were only invited by themselves, I am generally letting people bring a guest IF they ask. Of course everyone in a relationship was invited with their SO as well. So there aren't that many single guests invited anyway. But if I have people ask to bring their kids, I will be saying no. Also the venue can seat 500 so I don't have the issue of space limitations.
Posted by rardito[/QUOTE]
Yep, that's what I did too. I did the 'X seats held in your honor' and then had 4 spots to write in names. I made sure to write the names in myself & then cross out any extra lines. All they have to do is check accept/decline. It's worked so far.

blgrout · February 2012

I have had a couple people invite their kids to our wedding (and a couple people who weren't actually invited invite themselves <--long story) and then say they didn't understand that kids weren't invited, even though the invites were addressed to "Mr. and Mrs. Blah blah", not "the Blah family". I got a couple of pretty snarky responses too, and one of the offenders is my cousin who designs wedding invitations for people, so she should be aware of ettiquette (but is choosing to ignore and tried to bring her 5 kids). Sigh. It's so awkward having to explain why people can't bring whoever they want, but we haven't had a lot of declined RSVP's, so we have no wiggle room in our guest list. This is definitely not one of the fun parts of the wedding planning.

anniemac1581 · February 2012

Might I add that out of courtesy I invited EVERY single person with a guest (with a few excpetions-great aunts that are widowed but you get the picture)! So no one has to come alone if they didnt want to...they added on top of their +1!

bakersduzin · February 2012

I feel your pain. One of my friends told me after getting his invite that he'll just bring his friend Joe, "because he likes booze." Great.

anniemac1581 · February 2012

sorry but that is kind of hilarious..thanks for giving me a laugh today! joe and his boozy buddy..heeheehee

blgrout · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2012-weddings_slight-rantam-i-crazy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:05427f07-4ba2-44d6-9271-99a7af1ee5c0Discussion:babfeec8-0a6e-4dfc-9aa3-dd613d9b0af6Post:cc710511-7fbc-441b-9dc4-2695ada3e207">Re: Slight Rant....Am I crazy?</a>:
[QUOTE]I feel your pain. One of my friends told me after getting his invite that he'll "just bring his friend Joe, because he likes booze." Great.
Posted by bakersduzin[/QUOTE]

Haha! I know it's not funny, but if you read it and you're not the one having to explain why Joe can't come and get his drunk on, it's pretty funny. :)

FutureMrsWright2012 · February 2012

I think that you're completely right on! We're doing our RSVP's online (Wufoo.com), and the form that I created only allows for the person invited and 1 guest... No space for extras or children. We are inviting nieces/nephews and children of bridal party, but I sent each of those folks a message telling them to informally let me know if their kids are coming. We're just starting to get RSVP's rolling in, so we'll see if my plan works.

JAPetela · February 2012

I totally feel your pain. My FI and I had set our own guidelines on guests and who was invited; however, some people don't seem to understand that they can't just invite a guest for the heck of it. grr.....and i totally want my guests to enjoy themselves; however, if their whole family is invited, is it really necessary for them to bring someone extra who my FI and I have never met? In the end, my FI and I have to remember that it is our wedding day and as long as we are both comfortable and confident in our decisions then that is what matters....although it sucks to be in this situation, it makes me feel better to know I'm not the only one.

em01092 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2012-weddings_slight-rantam-i-crazy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:05427f07-4ba2-44d6-9271-99a7af1ee5c0Discussion:babfeec8-0a6e-4dfc-9aa3-dd613d9b0af6Post:7ea4b1df-24cf-49a5-8d88-3ac8e12714ea">Re: Slight Rant....Am I crazy?</a>:
[QUOTE]I guess I don't really see the problem. We are on a tight budget... and space limitations... but I have had 2 people RSVP for 2 when only one was on the invite. At first I was annoyed, but I want them to enjoy themselves, and being a shy person I understand how uncomfortable it can be to go to a wedding alone, and I would rather have them enjoy themselves instead of just sitting alone being miserable.
Posted by AmandaSC1988[/QUOTE]

<div>If you can afford or manage the extras, sure, NBD. But if every one of your single guests did this, depending on how many that is, it could be problematic for your budget and/or space. Plus once you make the exception for one, you kind of have to for all to avoid hurt feelings. That goes for extra guests, kids when you said no kids (except perhaps breast feeing infants and OOT guests), etc. </div>

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