Wedding Etiquette Forum

Re: .

  • It sounds like this is just who she is.

    You let her bully you into having her in the wedding, are you surprised that she's being herself?  You could try to get your FI to talk to her on your behalf, but I'm afraid you might just be stuck with her.

    "You can take your etiquette and shove it!" ~misscarolb
  • edited June 2012
    I do think you should get her budget for a BM dress and you might give the BMs a few different styles to choose from so she can choose one that she think works with her body type.

    However, it was rude of her to invite herself and son into your wedding, and you are perfectly fine to not have her son in it. I would just not bring the wedding up around her, or if she starts bringing it up/insisting on going to appointments, I might be tempted to say something vague like, "Not sure yet when we're looking at flowers. Haven't set that up." Then when you do, just go without her. It in't her wedding, and while I don't like telling people to do whatever they want because it's their day, I think this is different. She shouldn't have a say in anything WR except  the dress in that you should get her budget before picking one out.


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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fsil-is-a-terror?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:2a33c258-2a92-43f1-a026-e6063954e1edPost:a53c7a80-de9d-4ceb-875d-5c1be6e45ce4">FSIL is a terror</a>:
    [QUOTE]My fiance and I have been engaged for quite some time, but have just recently set a date. His sister has always been very pushy, and as soon as we got engaged she hurried right over to me and invited herself and her then 1-year-old son into the wedding party because "that's what (my fiance) would want." (She did not put any of her siblings or future in-laws in her wedding party.) We ultimately decided to have her as a bridesmaid but not to put her toddler in the wedding. Since then, her demands have only gotten more numerous and ridiculous. She told me that she would "Just come with you to the bridal store to pick out the bridesmaids' dresses because I'm pretty sure the one you're looking at just will not work for me, and you wouldn't want that. Also, you shouldn't choose anything expensive because I just haven't saved up that much money, so keep that in mind." Every time I see her she has an extremely offensive and bossy "suggestion" about our wedding. I've been reduced to tears quite a few times just listening to her abuse, but I'm not comfortable saying anything back to her because I would forever be the "Wicked In-Law" to my fiance's family if I did. I don't want a huge, dramatic confrontation anyway. I want to take the high road here and solve this amicably, but I don't know what to do. Has anyone else experienced this? What did you do? How did it turn out? I'm at my wits end :(
    Posted by StressedButHappy[/QUOTE]

    It sounds to me like you knew exactly what you were signing up for when you allowed her to steamroll you into having her in the wedding.

    Where is your FI in all of this? What does he do when his sister "reduces you to tears" with her abusive behavior?
  • Like moose said, I wouldn't have let her bully you into being in your bridal party. But that ship has sailed.

    You should note that you should be privately conferring with your bridesmaids to get their budget for a dress before you go out dress shopping. It wouldn't be fair for you to pick something out of everyone's price range.

    Anyway, from this point forward I would simply stop talking wedding details with her all together. Do not advise her of appointments or any other choices that do not directly involve her.  If she brings things up, give the shortest answer possible and gracefully change the subject.  Do not let her corner you, and do not give into any demands. 

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fsil-is-a-terror?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2a33c258-2a92-43f1-a026-e6063954e1edPost:e6d7625a-3f32-4385-987d-80e79e38683d">Re: FSIL is a terror</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to FSIL is a terror : It sounds to me like you knew exactly what you were signing up for when you allowed her to steamroll you into having her in the wedding. Where is your FI in all of this? What does he do when his sister "reduces you to tears" with her abusive behavior?
    Posted by zitiqueen[/QUOTE]
     <div>My fiance is a great, supportive, wonderful man. He's really angry at his sister for treating me this way. He always dries my tears. In fact, more than once he's told me that he's just going to tell her she's not in the wedding party and then be done with it. I prevented him from kicking her out, however, because I don't want us to start out our new life together with her so angry. I've done my best to be vague about details around her, and I avoid her at all costs, but she just will not leave me alone. I know that kicking her out would solve the problem of her turning this into her second wedding, but I don't want to do something so drastic that would have the entire family angry at us. </div>
  • I'm also a little concerned about the fact that you didn't appear to be involving your bridesmaids in the dress selection.  I mean, budget is one concern, but you also have to consider that some people aren't comfortable in every style of dress.  If someone wanted to throw me in a halter style, for example, I'd probably try to politely back out of the wedding.

    I can't imagine being a bridesmaid and not having a say in dress selection.

    "You can take your etiquette and shove it!" ~misscarolb
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fsil-is-a-terror?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2a33c258-2a92-43f1-a026-e6063954e1edPost:e28186f8-39f1-47c5-9c40-a97aec0c85dc">Re: FSIL is a terror</a>:
    [QUOTE]Like moose said, I wouldn't have let her bully you into being in your bridal party. But that ship has sailed. You should note that you should be privately conferring with your bridesmaids to get their budget for a dress before you go out dress shopping. It wouldn't be fair for you to pick something out of everyone's price range. Anyway, from this point forward I would simply stop talking wedding details with her all together. Do not advise her of appointments or any other choices that do not directly involve her.  If she brings things up, give the shortest answer possible and gracefully change the subject.  Do not let her corner you, and do not give into any demands. 
    Posted by goobersinlove[/QUOTE]
      <div>Thanks for the advice. Most of our bridal party is made up of college students, so I had a very budget-friendly selection of bridesmaids' dresses lined up. The price wasn't the real issue at all. I anticipated a lot of problems with her as we start planning our wedding, but I guess I just wasn't ready to deal with them. I know that you marry the entire family, not just the man, so I have been trying my best to be as supportive and accomodating of her wishes as possible, but it shouldn't be at the expense of what my fiance and I want for our wedding.</div>
  • runpipparunrunpipparun member
    5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper First Anniversary
    edited June 2012
    I don't think you need to kick her out. I think you need to get FI to cool her jets. Have him sit down with her and tell her to chillax the heck out, and just be along for the ride. From now on, her involvement only goes as far as when you ASK for her input.

    If SHE freaks out and backs out, then it's on her. There is nothing wrong with expressing to someone what you need from them, or what they are doing to upset you. Have FI explain to her how she ought to conduct herself, and give her an opportunity to right it.

    Kicking her out without giving her a chance to correct her behavior is wrong.
    image
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fsil-is-a-terror?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2a33c258-2a92-43f1-a026-e6063954e1edPost:e62f495f-11e3-4a78-a6ff-58bfd9bf98f1">Re: FSIL is a terror</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm also a little concerned about the fact that you didn't appear to be involving your bridesmaids in the dress selection.  I mean, budget is one concern, but you also have to consider that some people aren't comfortable in every style of dress.  If someone wanted to throw me in a halter style, for example, I'd probably try to politely back out of the wedding. I can't imagine being a bridesmaid and not having a say in dress selection.
    Posted by wadingmoose[/QUOTE]

    <div>All of my bridesmaids have seen the choices we are considering, but none of them have any issues with them except for FSIL. Trust me, there are many different body types in our wedding party, and we do not intend to make anyone feel uncomfortable or pressured to pay for something that they are really unhappy with. The dress isn't the issue with FSIL. It's a power struggle. She wants to be the one to have the final say on all of the bridesmaids dresses. She wanted to go with me <em>alone </em>bridal store to pick the dresses out because her opinion is the only one that matters to her, but, although her opinion is certainly important, it's not the only opinion that matters to us.</div>
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fsil-is-a-terror?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2a33c258-2a92-43f1-a026-e6063954e1edPost:1870a6d3-c0e3-4dab-8121-8b152a28e400">Re: FSIL is a terror</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: FSIL is a terror : All of my bridesmaids have seen the choices we are considering, but none of them have any issues with them except for FSIL. Trust me, there are many different body types in our wedding party, and we do not intend to make anyone feel uncomfortable or pressured to pay for something that they are really unhappy with. The dress isn't the issue with FSIL. <strong>It's a power struggle</strong>. She wants to be the one to have the final say on all of the bridesmaids dresses. She wanted to go with me alone bridal store to pick the dresses out because her opinion is the only one that matters to her, but, although her opinion is certainly important, it's not the only opinion that matters to us.
    Posted by StressedButHappy[/QUOTE]

    It seems to be a power struggle for both of you.  Actually all three of you with your FI.

    No is a good word to learn.

    "You can take your etiquette and shove it!" ~misscarolb
  • SB1512SB1512 member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment First Anniversary
    Are you OK  with your BM's wearing different dresses?  You could always pick a specific color and let each girl pick her own style of dress in the chosen color.  This way FSIL gets full say over her own dress, but isn't dictating what everyone else is wearing.  This also takes care of different body types being in a dress they feel comfortable in.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fsil-is-a-terror?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2a33c258-2a92-43f1-a026-e6063954e1edPost:bc51708a-fda2-4197-b4eb-5162541eec29">Re: FSIL is a terror</a>:
    [QUOTE]Are you OK  with your BM's wearing different dresses?  You could always pick a specific color and let each girl pick her own style of dress in the chosen color.  This way FSIL gets full say over her own dress, but isn't dictating what everyone else is wearing.  This also takes care of different body types being in a dress they feel comfortable in.
    Posted by SB1512[/QUOTE]

    Excellent suggestion.

    "You can take your etiquette and shove it!" ~misscarolb
  • Why can't she just stand up on your FI's side? After all, she said he would have wanted her.
  • edited June 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fsil-is-a-terror?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2a33c258-2a92-43f1-a026-e6063954e1edPost:bc51708a-fda2-4197-b4eb-5162541eec29">Re: FSIL is a terror</a>:
    [QUOTE]Are you OK  with your BM's wearing different dresses?  You could always pick a specific color and let each girl pick her own style of dress in the chosen color.  This way FSIL gets full say over her own dress, but isn't dictating what everyone else is wearing.  This also takes care of different body types being in a dress they feel comfortable in.
    Posted by SB1512[/QUOTE]

    <div>Thanks for the suggestion! We would really like all of the bridesmaids to match, though. I know that there are lots of figure-flattering options out there, and since 3 of the 5 girls in our party are full-figured, we've got modesty and comfort in mind with the dresses. I guess the biggest issue I have with her complaints about the dresses we're looking at now is my fear that the only way to appease her is to give her complete control over which one we choose. I was around during the wedding planning process for her wedding, and I know that she expected complete cooperation from her bridesmaids and did not give them any say at all about the dresses, so I'm probably taking her attitude more personally than I otherwise would.</div>
  • You can say "no" without having her hate you forever.  She'll probably respect you more if you start establishing boundaries now.  When she's talking about the bridesmaids dresses, say, "yeah, we're ALL going go together to try them on so everyone gets input."  How can she argue with that?  When she starts talking about other things, ask questions that give her the impression that you are interested in what she has to say, but that her word isn't final, like, "oh really?  is that how you did it for your wedding?"  
    image

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fsil-is-a-terror?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2a33c258-2a92-43f1-a026-e6063954e1edPost:40d11efe-714c-4141-a234-4fb1ea7ab7c6">Re: FSIL is a terror</a>:
    [QUOTE]Why can't she just stand up on your FI's side? After all, she said he would have wanted her.
    Posted by specialk84[/QUOTE]

    <div>Hahaha. You're awesome ;)</div>
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fsil-is-a-terror?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2a33c258-2a92-43f1-a026-e6063954e1edPost:b773a660-b57f-46e9-b8dd-fa7d128269ec">Re: FSIL is a terror</a>:
    [QUOTE]You can say "no" without having her hate you forever.  She'll probably respect you more if you start establishing boundaries now.  When she's talking about the bridesmaids dresses, say, "yeah, we're ALL going go together to try them on so everyone gets input."  How can she argue with that?  When she starts talking about other things, ask questions that give her the impression that you are interested in what she has to say, but that her word isn't final, like, "oh really?  is that how you did it for your wedding?"  
    Posted by marriedfilingjointly[/QUOTE]

    <div>Thank you so much for this advice. I think it's probably the best thing I can do right now.</div>
  • My SIL can be difficult so I know what you're dealing with.  Everything is a constant power struggle.  I feel like I'm always walking a fine line between keeping the peace and throwing in just enough snark to keep her wondering.
    image

  • SB1512SB1512 member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment First Anniversary
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fsil-is-a-terror?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2a33c258-2a92-43f1-a026-e6063954e1edPost:a8df1550-58d9-463b-9144-92263376be16">Re: FSIL is a terror</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: FSIL is a terror : Thanks for the suggestion! We would really like all of the bridesmaids to match, though. I know that there are lots of figure-flattering options out there, and since 3 of the 5 girls in our party are full-figured, we've got modesty and comfort in mind with the dresses. I guess the biggest issue I have with her complaints about the dresses we're looking at now is my fear <strong>that the only way to appease her is to give her complete control over which one we choose.</strong> I was around during the wedding planning process for her wedding, and I know that she expected complete cooperation from her bridesmaids and did not give them any say at all about the dresses, so I'm probably taking her attitude more personally than I otherwise would.
    Posted by StressedButHappy[/QUOTE]

    If you spend this whole wedding process making decisions and allowing things to happen just to appease her, she is going to walk all over you for the rest of your life.  She sounds like a obnoxious FMIL, but she's the sister.  What about when you and FI have kids?  Or maybe get job offers and want to move away?  Or look into buying a home?  She is going to railroad you into making decisions that are in favor of her opinions/beliefs/tastes on all of these issues if you do not use this opportunity to establish that she does not have complete control over decisions that affect you and FI.  Learn to say NO and learn to say it a lot.  Obviously give her input on a BM dress, but she should not be the one with the final say, you should, as the bride.  Don't talk wedding with her.  Change the subject as many times as you have to.  The more you let on about your plans, the more she is going to shove her opinion in your face.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fsil-is-a-terror?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2a33c258-2a92-43f1-a026-e6063954e1edPost:c446378f-391f-4873-9c42-66a78529d406">Re: FSIL is a terror</a>:
    [QUOTE]My SIL can be difficult so I know what you're dealing with.  Everything is a constant power struggle.  I feel like I'm always walking a fine line between keeping the peace and throwing in just enough snark to keep her wondering.
    Posted by marriedfilingjointly[/QUOTE]

    <div>
    </div><div>Hahaha. Well, I like your style. :)</div>
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fsil-is-a-terror?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2a33c258-2a92-43f1-a026-e6063954e1edPost:25b3640c-8f66-48ec-8dd6-1d7af7eab30e">Re: FSIL is a terror</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: FSIL is a terror : If you spend this whole wedding process making decisions and allowing things to happen just to appease her, she is going to walk all over you for the rest of your life.  She sounds like a obnoxious FMIL, but she's the sister.  What about when you and FI have kids?  Or maybe get job offers and want to move away?  Or look into buying a home?  She is going to railroad you into making decisions that are in favor of her opinions/beliefs/tastes on all of these issues if you do not use this opportunity to establish that she does not have complete control over decisions that affect you and FI.  Learn to say NO and learn to say it a lot.  Obviously give her input on a BM dress, but she should not be the one with the final say, you should, as the bride.  Don't talk wedding with her.  Change the subject as many times as you have to.  The more you let on about your plans, the more she is going to shove her opinion in your face.
    Posted by SB1512[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>You're right. She's used to getting her way, and she's quite a bit older than her brother. She's also one of those people who's always right no matter what. Most of the time we just let her "advice" roll off of our backs, but she's been talking with their mother and telling her untrue things about me to try and get her way, so I really want to keep a lid on the situation. I love my FMIL to pieces, but she has a tendency to side with her only daughter no matter what.

    </div>
  • SB1512SB1512 member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment First Anniversary
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fsil-is-a-terror?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2a33c258-2a92-43f1-a026-e6063954e1edPost:ba752760-2ca9-4dc0-9f7b-b32d8585ccce">Re: FSIL is a terror</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: FSIL is a terror : You're right. She's used to getting her way, and she's quite a bit older than her brother. She's also one of those people who's always right no matter what. Most of the time we just let her "advice" roll off of our backs, <strong>but she's been talking with their mother and telling her untrue things about me to try and get her way, so I really want to keep a lid on the situation. I love my FMIL to pieces, but she has a tendency to side with her only daughter no matter what.</strong>
    Posted by StressedButHappy[/QUOTE]

    All the more reason to stand your ground now and establish those boundaries.  What if you have kids and she doesn't like the names you and FI want to give your children?  Or what if she think you aren't raising them "right" or could be doing things better (ie: her way).  She is going to run to her mom and exploit the situation leading to problems with your MIL.  Perhaps since it's his family, FI needs to start the conversation and get a handle on things with her, but you also need to learn to stick up for yourself and your decisions when FI is not around (ex: during BM dress shopping).  I understand wanting to keep the peace for wedding planning and the wedding, but in this case I think keeping your mouth shut can lead to more harm than good in the long run.
  • I'm lucky.  FSIL is like that but she STFU and stayed out of the wedding.

    It could be because she and Mr. Moose really don't like each other and pretend to tolerate each other at family gatherings.

    "You can take your etiquette and shove it!" ~misscarolb
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fsil-is-a-terror?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2a33c258-2a92-43f1-a026-e6063954e1edPost:8ab6a97f-ab0a-4ceb-816f-dd201a280088">Re: FSIL is a terror</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: FSIL is a terror : All the more reason to stand your ground now and establish those boundaries.  What if you have kids and she doesn't like the names you and FI want to give your children?  Or what if she think you aren't raising them "right" or could be doing things better (ie: her way).  She is going to run to her mom and exploit the situation leading to problems with your MIL.  Perhaps since it's his family, FI needs to start the conversation and get a handle on things with her, but you also need to learn to stick up for yourself and your decisions when FI is not around (ex: during BM dress shopping).  I understand wanting to keep the peace for wedding planning and the wedding, but in this case I think keeping your mouth shut can lead to more harm than good in the long run.
    Posted by SB1512[/QUOTE]

    <div>That's very true. I'm naturally not a very strong-willed person, and that's what getting me in trouble here. I know I would be less upset if I just handle her demands when she makes them instead of brushing her off and getting more angry about it over time.</div>
  • I think, as others said, your best bet is to
     Find out her budget, and stick close to it.

    Take who you want with you to find bridesmaid dresses, then let her know after the fact what the style is. Or choose a designer, fabric and length. Don't invite her opinion, be polite, but firm.

    Don't bring up the wedding, and if she does, be vague. If you're stuck with a decision between two things you really like- a situation where you literally can't go wrong (do I want roses or peonies? Should we serve the chicken with mango salsa or the chicken marsala?)- this is a GREAT opportunity to ask her opinion on something, and get her involved. Treat her as a human coin toss, but otherwise, be very vague.

    If she pushes an issue, but nice, but firm... "I appreciate the input, but I have already decided on x, and WE are very happy with the decision" (Stressing to say 'we' not "I"- don't actually yell it at herWink).

    Good luck!
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fsil-is-a-terror?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:2a33c258-2a92-43f1-a026-e6063954e1edPost:53045a21-39c2-4c2b-a4d8-5080a2e93481">Re: FSIL is a terror</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: FSIL is a terror : Hahaha. You're awesome ;)
    Posted by StressedButHappy[/QUOTE]

    Why is this a "hahaha"? 

    If he wants her on his side why isn't she on his side?

    My brothers both stood up on my side.  It wasn't hahaha.  It was awesome.
    image
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fsil-is-a-terror?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2a33c258-2a92-43f1-a026-e6063954e1edPost:4efda8d5-94ee-4b3e-a42f-4f058f52f1dd">Re: FSIL is a terror</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: FSIL is a terror : Why is this a "hahaha"?  If he wants her on his side why isn't she on his side? My brothers both stood up on my side.  It wasn't hahaha.  It was awesome.
    Posted by Coghoot12[/QUOTE]

    <div>Like I said, he had no intention of putting her in the wedding party at all. He has never been close with her. She hadn't even spoken to him about his wishes when she told me "that's what he would want." It's what she wants.</div><div>
    </div><div> I'm glad your wedding turned out beautifully! I just don't think that putting her in with the groomsmen would look right at our wedding, but that's just our style, and I understand that it can be done really tastefully.</div>
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fsil-is-a-terror?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:2a33c258-2a92-43f1-a026-e6063954e1edPost:e62f495f-11e3-4a78-a6ff-58bfd9bf98f1">Re: FSIL is a terror</a>:
    [QUOTE] I can't imagine being a bridesmaid and not having a say in dress selection.
    Posted by wadingmoose[/QUOTE]

    Not trying to threadjack, but I'd never heard of bridesmaids having ANY say whatsoever in their attire until I came to TK.  Around here, the bride picks it, and the bridesmaids shut up and wear it.  And if the bridesmaid can't afford the dress, she drops out. 

    OP, she sounds like a peach. And I agree with the other ladies that you need to find your backbone with her and start using it, or she will just keep going.  I would also let your FI handle her nastiness from now on, so long as you can keep him from kicking her out.  Just drying your tears wouldn't be enough for me, I would expect him to straighten her attitude out once and for all.
  • I have a pretty bad FMIL, she tries to decide how everything will go about my wedding, but there is no way im going to let her make mine and my fiances day hers since she never got the big wedding she wanted. They are not helping to pay for it, so I just take her opinions say thats nice and walk away. I agree that around where I live people wear what the bride wants them to wear. I only have two women in my wedding so their opinions are pretty important to me so I picked 5 dresses and told them pick which one they want. They are different dresses but will be the same color.

    But that was kind of off topic, this really is your day. If she is causing you that much stress than maybe your fiance can talk with her and kind of let her know that she already had her day and she did things her way, now it is time for her to step back and let you do things your way. That doesnt mean that she cant help when going dress shopping, but really the biggest thing is not letting the comments get to you. She will make comments, my FMIL makes comments, that wont go away ever. So you kind of just have to let it go.
  • I would personally kill her with kindness. When she puts a demand in, say, "What a great suggestion!" Noncommittal but nice. Don't give her ANYTHING to argue back with. 

    If you really want the bridesmaids dresses to match, I would just ask her budget and pick a dress within her budget. Then, if she refuses to purchase the dress, she has effectively removed herself from your wedding.

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