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He's not speaking to his mom

TangledMelodyTangledMelody
10 Comments
in Moms and Maids
The wedding is 15 months away, so there's lots of time to figure this out. However, his mother is a drunk and an addict who continues in a cycle of using, hurting her kids, sobering up and pleading forgiveness, etc. My fiance doesn't even want to invite her to the wedding. He has asked me not to interfere or try to change his mind. I'm keeping mum about it, but I think he might regret not having her there later in life. 

What do you think? Even if she is there, she doesn't deserve the whole Mother of Groom treatment. (Seating of mothers, lighting candles, etc.) Any and all feedback is appreciated. Thanks.
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Re: He's not speaking to his mom

  • Girlie1030Girlie1030 member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    He's asked you not to try to change his mind and I think you should respect that. 

    FWIW, we didn't not invite my H's mother and he has no regrets. 
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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    Please respect your fi's wishes.
    You can't fix his mom or his relationship with her. He has already tried the forgiveness route and it didn't work. It is his right to decide which people he wants in his life.
                       
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  • mbodymbody
    1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    Don't say anything more to him about it. He's asked you not to try to change his mind, so respect his wishes.
    image

    Anxiously awaiting baby #1! Baby BOY Due: May 30, 2013! Lilypie Maternity tickers

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  • kmmssgkmmssg mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    Stay completely out of this.  Addiction and alcoholism are rampant in my immediate family and you need to leave this between your FI and his mother.  What he says goes and just support his decision rather than trying to change his mind.

    Also, let him decide how she will be treated if he invites her.  It isn't your call whether or not she deserves to be escorted to her seat or act as the MOG.  If he invites her, he decides.

    He really needs your support and I'm sure you want to give it.  He has lived this out before and knows what he is doing.  Just stay in the background on this one and follow his lead.
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  • Muffin'sMomMuffin'sMom
    1000 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_hes-not-speaking-to-his-mom?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:dc91d354-6839-4287-81f3-5b153979714fPost:48e26527-700c-48eb-ba0f-5e73d5fc1549">Re: He's not speaking to his mom</a>:
    [QUOTE]Please respect your fi's wishes. You can't fix his mom or his relationship with her. He has already tried the forgiveness route and it didn't work. It is his right to decide which people he wants in his life.
    Posted by MairePoppy[/QUOTE]

    This...exactly.
    My baby girl is a married woman...and now my baby girl HAS a baby girl. Time unfolds in such an amazing way. I've been blessed!
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  • StephBeanWed61502StephBeanWed61502 member
    2500 Comments Third Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited March 2012
    Your wedding is not a peace summit.  It's not your job to bring everyone together into some kind of loving family, nor is it reasonable to expect that would happen when all evidence points to the fact that his mother is an absolutely awful parent.  Your FI knows his mother, and he knows his own feeling about her.  Trust him to know himself, and stop thinking you know better.
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    Steph's book recommendations, liked quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (to-read shelf)
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  • TahloraTahlora
    100 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_hes-not-speaking-to-his-mom?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:dc91d354-6839-4287-81f3-5b153979714fPost:0fb1d36f-ef9c-4acb-887f-8cc3bdb74515">Re: He's not speaking to his mom</a>:
    [QUOTE]Your wedding is not a peace summit.
    Posted by StephBeanWed61502[/QUOTE]

    This made me smile :)
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