Another rehearsal question

mbuckley85 · June 2012

My future MIL seems to think her close friends and their children and spouses (with no ties to the wedding party) should be invited to the rehearsal dinner. I say no, since they are 1.)local to the place of the wedding, 2.) Not immediate family (or family at all) and 3.)Not a part of the wedding party.

I totally don't care if they come or not EXCEPT that our venue for the rehearsal comfortably holds 60 people (and holds 70 uncomfortably). She gave me a list of 53 people from "her side" that should be invited. The particular family in question accounts for 7 people. That list did not include myself or my fiance and it also didn't include "my side". I have a list of 32 people that ideally would be invited (I can reduce it to the 25 that HAVE to be there).

53+32=85 Do we just invite 85 and see what happens?

Also, do local family members of the wedding party get invited? One of our groomsmen's parents are on the list, but they aren't super close with my future in-laws, so I say nix them...

mbuckley85 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_another-rehearsal-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:24ffa1a2-a8d1-42be-9491-22bfe9fe5418Post:c5457d20-cf4a-492a-9e76-17f1fb071cda">Re: Another rehearsal question</a>:
[QUOTE]Is she paying? If so, she sets the guest list for the RD. If she is not paying, tell her she can invite X guests and if she won't cut down her list, your FI will do it for her. I don't think it's necessary to invite local family members of the WP. Don't invite more people than the room can hold. That is just stupid.
Posted by ILoveMilkDuds[/QUOTE]

<div>1. Yes she is paying. The only problem with her setting the guest list for the rehearsal dinner is that she excluded the following very important people.</div><div>
</div><div>Myself and my fiance</div><div>My parents</div><div>My sisters (who are bridesmaids) plus one boyfriend</div><div>My MOH and her husband</div><div>My other bridesmaid and her husband</div><div>My flower girl and her mother</div><div>
</div><div>Ideally, I'd also like her to include the 5 family members that I have coming from California/Nevada as well as my Godparents and their 3 children plus one husband. </div><div>
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futuremrsbruno · June 2012

My FI's aunt is throwing the rehearsal and she invited all of her siblings and their children, even though not all of them are a part of the wedding. While I don't understand the point, since the RD should be for the wedding party, the couple and their immediate families, if she's paying for it, and doesn't care about the size of the list, she can invite whoever she wants.

*His family is very close and we see each other every weekend, so while I get her reasoning behind it, I still don't understand why they need to be there, but hey, whatever, it will only make it more fun*

Meegles4 · June 2012

So wait, the people you list aren't on the guest list? That's....wierd.

I don't think you should invite more than what the venue space can hold. So, yes, you should discuss this with her. Make sure all the VIPs are on the list (parents, B&G, WP and dates), and then she can add others if she wants.

As for your OOT family, sure it's nice to add them, but if FMIL is paying and doesn't want to add them, I think your hands are tied. You can mention it, but since she's paying she gets final say.

If they aren't invited, you could consider this as an option. We had about 20 family members from OOT who weren't invited to the RD. So, my mother had bbq catered into my apartment that night and the OOT family was able to congregate there while we were at the RD. We put a family friend in charge of "hosting" it to make sure everyone got there safely, etc. It was close to the hotel and also close to the RD, so my family and I were able to go back and visit with our OOT guests when the RD was over. So, they still had a hosted meal and didn't have to fend for themselves in a strange town.

mbuckley85 · June 2012

I think what my fiance needs to do is sit with her, and get the top people down (ourselves included) and then go from there. Obviously, at this rate, my cousins from CA/NV are on the back burner, but yeah...the wedding party really needs to be invited, lol

futuremrsbruno · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_another-rehearsal-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:24ffa1a2-a8d1-42be-9491-22bfe9fe5418Post:fb5d6e1a-5962-444f-8601-19735606189c">Re: Another rehearsal question</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Another rehearsal question : 1. Yes she is paying. The only problem with her setting the guest list for the rehearsal dinner is that she excluded the following very important people. Myself and my fiance My parents My sisters (who are bridesmaids) plus one boyfriend My MOH and her husband My other bridesmaid and her husband My flower girl and her mother Ideally, I'd also like her to include the 5 family members that I have coming from California/Nevada as well as my Godparents and their 3 children plus one husband.
Posted by mbuckley85[/QUOTE]

I'm sorry, I refuse to believe your FMIL is throwing you a rehearsal dinner without you and your FI, or anyone else in the wedding party actually being there.

Either the list she gave you is in addition to the list you stated above or I'm calling some serious bull isht

lisa3185 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_another-rehearsal-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:24ffa1a2-a8d1-42be-9491-22bfe9fe5418Post:65307689-31d2-4bee-9c18-60c5e867c4da">Re: Another rehearsal question</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Another rehearsal question : <strong>I'm sorry, I refuse to believe your FMIL is throwing you a rehearsal dinner without you and your FI, or anyone else in the wedding party actually being there. Either the list she gave you is in addition to the list you stated above or I'm calling some serious bull isht</strong>
Posted by futuremrsbruno[/QUOTE]

2nd that X 10.

mbuckley85 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_another-rehearsal-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:24ffa1a2-a8d1-42be-9491-22bfe9fe5418Post:65307689-31d2-4bee-9c18-60c5e867c4da">Re: Another rehearsal question</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Another rehearsal question : I'm sorry, I refuse to believe your FMIL is throwing you a rehearsal dinner without you and your FI, or anyone else in the wedding party actually being there. Either the list she gave you is in addition to the list you stated above or I'm calling some serious bull isht
Posted by futuremrsbruno[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>She wanted me to add my family to the list (and my fiance and I). The problem is, she refuses to count the people on her list and insists that she is only inviting 30-35 people, though like I said, her list has 53. My fiance talked to her and she still didn't count the people, unless she is counting the people she thinks are coming only....Its just a problem that she only left me a few spaces to add people. I can see inviting up to 75 if the room can comfortably hold 60, maybe 65 people, and counting on some no's but not 85 people.</div><div>
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futuremrsbruno · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_another-rehearsal-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:24ffa1a2-a8d1-42be-9491-22bfe9fe5418Post:53a361d9-0a12-4b21-9b7a-693ce42ac15b">Re: Another rehearsal question</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Another rehearsal question : She wanted me to add my family to the list (and my fiance and I). The problem is, she refuses to count the people on her list and insists that she is only inviting 30-35 people, though like I said, her list has 53. My fiance talked to her and she still didn't count the people, unless she is counting the people she thinks are coming only....Its just a problem that she only left me a few spaces to add people. I can see inviting up to 75 if the room can comfortably hold 60, maybe 65 people, and counting on some no's but not 85 people.
Posted by mbuckley85[/QUOTE]

1. If the room can comfortable hold 60, that means if you go over 60 by 2 or 3 it will not be so comfortable. Compromising at 75 means you've just completely lost your mind.

2. I still fail to believe that your FMIL is that dim of a person that she forgot she wrote down 25+ extra people (over the 35 you claim she's saying). I would believe maybe 5 or 10 extra. Not 25. No one is that dumb.

3. I thought you said she EXCLUDED some very important people (read: your list), yet now you are saying she wants to add your list to hers. It's either one or the other, it can't be both.

If these were some of the issues I had to work out for my wedding, I'd be in a state of complete relaxation right about now. I'm thinking you may have wanted to take some of that 50G's you dropped for the wedding and put it towards a wedding planner who gets paid to deal with crazy.

mbuckley85 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_another-rehearsal-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:24ffa1a2-a8d1-42be-9491-22bfe9fe5418Post:a020613f-a76b-4b37-9c3c-c8f2e9c44176">Re: Another rehearsal question</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Another rehearsal question : 1. If the room can comfortable hold 60, that means if you go over 60 by 2 or 3 it will not be so comfortable. Compromising at 75 means you've just completely lost your mind. 2. I still fail to believe that your FMIL is that dim of a person that she forgot she wrote down 25+ extra people (over the 35 you claim she's saying). I would believe maybe 5 or 10 extra. Not 25. No one is that dumb. 3. I thought you said she EXCLUDED some very important people (read: your list), yet now you are saying she wants to add your list to hers. It's either one or the other, it can't be both. If these were some of the issues I had to work out for my wedding, I'd be in a state of complete relaxation right about now. I'm thinking you may have wanted to take some of that 50G's you dropped for the wedding and put it towards a wedding planner who gets paid to deal with crazy.
Posted by futuremrsbruno[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>She made HER list, and left me 7-17 spaces to add people. Her list is 53. She has no idea about my side of the family or even the wedding party on my side, so I think she wanted me to add them myself, but I just don't really have room to add people to her list.

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futuremrsbruno · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_another-rehearsal-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:24ffa1a2-a8d1-42be-9491-22bfe9fe5418Post:f9bf7465-9d2b-4d73-8305-e31135162fb5">Re: Another rehearsal question</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Another rehearsal question : She made HER list, and left me 7-17 spaces to add people. Her list is 53. She has no idea about my side of the family or even the wedding party on my side, so I think she wanted me to add them myself, but I just don't really have room to add people to her list.
Posted by mbuckley85[/QUOTE]

You do realize that this is the REHEARSAL DINNER. Not the reception? I don't think you really need more than 17 people unless your wedding party is huge.

I'll play devil's advocate here because I also don't think she needs to invite 53 people, but since she's footing the bill, I say she can go with whatever makes her happy...

mbuckley85 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_another-rehearsal-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:24ffa1a2-a8d1-42be-9491-22bfe9fe5418Post:8a0d27f6-3c8d-47a5-928a-1b0806aaeee7">Re: Another rehearsal question</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Another rehearsal question : You do realize that this is the REHEARSAL DINNER. Not the reception? I don't think you really need more than 17 people unless your wedding party is huge. I'll play devil's advocate here because I also don't think she needs to invite 53 people, but since she's footing the bill, I say she can go with whatever makes her happy...
Posted by futuremrsbruno[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I don't think I need exactly 17 more people. Like I said, it would be nice to include the members of the wedding party that she didn't put on her list. </div><div>
</div><div>I consider 13 people that she left off the list absolutely necessary (my immediate family/wedding party/fiance and I). Actually, scratch that, I forgot one person from my wedding party (my teenage cousin) is actually in the wedding party and therefore his family should be included. That makes 17 people if you only count him and his sister and their parents (my God parents). If you include their other sister and her husband that's 19 people.</div><div>
</div><div>5 are travelers that I feel it would be nice if they were included</div><div>
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mbuckley85 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_another-rehearsal-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:24ffa1a2-a8d1-42be-9491-22bfe9fe5418Post:8a0d27f6-3c8d-47a5-928a-1b0806aaeee7">Re: Another rehearsal question</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Another rehearsal question : You do realize that this is the REHEARSAL DINNER. Not the reception? I don't think you really need more than 17 people unless your wedding party is huge. I'll play devil's advocate here because I also don't think she needs to invite 53 people, but since she's footing the bill, I say she can go with whatever makes her happy...
Posted by futuremrsbruno[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>My wedding party isn't huge. Bride/groom, 3 groomsmen, 1 best man, 1 ring bearer, 3 bridesmaids, 1 Maid of honor and 1 flower girl. Plus 2 parents for each of us. </div><div>
</div><div>Listen, I don't think she needs to invite 53 people either, but I know, I can't dictate her list because she's paying. I'm not arguing with that at all. I just don't know what I'm supposed to do because she didn't leave me the space I needed for the wedding party and instead, included a crapload of her friends.

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mbuckley85 · June 2012

Also, what distance makes you "traveling" and therefore qualifies you to be at the rehearsal? Is it anyone who has to stay at a hotel? My rule of thumb is basically if they are a plane ride away. I don't feel like anyone on my side who is traveling from the city (2-3 hours by car or train), is a "traveler" but my MIL definitely included a lot of NJ/NYC people on the rehearsal list, so I'm thinking she feels differently.

runpipparun · June 2012

It seems like you have the space to do what is needed, and that some of her people won't even come, but that you're angry that she will have more people there than you.

The rehearsal dinner is her moment, honey, unless you want to pay for it. The rest of it can be yours. Just suck it up and deal.

mbuckley85 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_another-rehearsal-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:24ffa1a2-a8d1-42be-9491-22bfe9fe5418Post:7ac5f02e-336d-4232-a3fd-be6ac7b52536">Re: Another rehearsal question</a>:
[QUOTE]It seems like you have the space to do what is needed, and that some of her people won't even come, but that you're angry that she will have more people there than you. The rehearsal dinner is her moment, honey, unless you want to pay for it. The rest of it can be yours. Just suck it up and deal.
Posted by runpipparun[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I am thinking you are confusing frustration with anger. I'm not angry with her and I'm not angry that she will have more people than me...Hell, I could care less. What I do care about is the fact that the wedding party needs to be included and she hasn't accounted for that. I find that a little upsetting.

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jmp2004 · June 2012

Just call her up and, very politely and respectfully, bring this up. Tell her you counted her list, and it is not leaving room for all of the wedding party and family members to attend in comfort. Ooze graciousness and ask if there is some room to adjust the guest list to make sure that all 19 of your family and WP attend. If she insists that she is not inviting 53 people, just reiterate that you counted and the list is going to be well over the comfortable amount that will fit in the venue.

I understand the advice to have your FI discuss this with her because it his mother, but at the same time, men don't always understand how to deal with this stuff, and also, if you are going to be family, then you should be able to have an adult conversation with her. Just DON'T bring up the cost of the event, just the guest list and really focus on the fact that you just want to make sure everyone is comfortable in the venue. You might even throw in some talk about how you are really excited to meet some of her friends and family, so she doesn't think it's an issue of you not wanting her people there.

Past that, I don't understand this at all, because in my world, the rehearsal dinner was for the family and WP that was at the rehearsal. Not a social dinner for your friends brother's girlfriends parents that aren't even invited to the wedding.

*shrug*

mbuckley85 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_another-rehearsal-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:24ffa1a2-a8d1-42be-9491-22bfe9fe5418Post:399525c1-56f2-4843-9a8f-38fbec439893">Re: Another rehearsal question</a>:
[QUOTE]Just call her up and, very politely and respectfully, bring this up. Tell her you counted her list, and it is not leaving room for all of the wedding party and family members to attend in comfort. Ooze graciousness and ask if there is some room to adjust the guest list to make sure that all 19 of your family and WP attend. If she insists that she is not inviting 53 people, just reiterate that you counted and the list is going to be well over the comfortable amount that will fit in the venue. I understand the advice to have your FI discuss this with her because it his mother, but at the same time, men don't always understand how to deal with this stuff, and also, if you are going to be family, then you should be able to have an adult conversation with her. Just DON'T bring up the cost of the event, just the guest list and really focus on the fact that you just want to make sure everyone is comfortable in the venue. You might even throw in some talk about how you are really excited to meet some of her friends and family, so she doesn't think it's an issue of you not wanting her people there. Past that, I don't understand this at all, because in my world, the rehearsal dinner was for the family and WP that was at the rehearsal. Not a social dinner for your friends brother's girlfriends parents that aren't even invited to the wedding. *shrug*
Posted by jmp2004[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Nooooo....she didn't invite people to the rehearsal who aren't invited to the wedding, just people that don't necessarily belong at the rehearsal.</div><div>
</div><div>I think she just needs to cut just a couple of the "unnecessary" people off her list (you know...so my fiance and I can come to the rehearsal, and maybe also include the rest of the wedding party). That is totally going to be his discussion with her though.

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runpipparun · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_another-rehearsal-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:24ffa1a2-a8d1-42be-9491-22bfe9fe5418Post:b5d42494-1b93-4f02-a308-4d7371502f5f">Re: Another rehearsal question</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Another rehearsal question : Nooooo....she didn't invite people to the rehearsal who aren't invited to the wedding, just people that don't necessarily belong at the rehearsal. I think she just needs to cut just a couple of the "unnecessary" people off her list (you know...so my fiance and I can come to the rehearsal, and maybe also include the rest of the wedding party). That is totally going to be his discussion with her though.
Posted by mbuckley85[/QUOTE]

I really think you are making a mountain out of a mole hill. This is so easily solved with a phone call or an email.

<div>If she is unwilling to listen, however, you have to remember, she is paying. You can think whatever you want about her reasons for wanting to invite all these "unnecessary" people. She wants to do it and she's paying. You can't tell her what she needs to do. If she wants to pay for a party for her friends and not invite you and your fiance and the officiant, then that's her prerogative, and you guys can throw a rehearsal dinner on your own for the WP, and she can have her random dinner party. Awkward, but whatever. If you are unwilling to just make a phone call and solve this issue then you are just as silly as she is. Just say, hey, here are some folks that MUST be included, and here are is the max number of people that the venue can hold. Figure it out, crazyhead. (In much nicer terms.)</div><div>
</div><div>Be glad she even wants to be involved. My MIL told my FI that she couldn't do it because she would be too busy with FSIL and her kids to pay attention to us that weekend.</div>

mbuckley85 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_another-rehearsal-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:24ffa1a2-a8d1-42be-9491-22bfe9fe5418Post:079e36c2-90fb-4d20-9174-704774160ea8">Re: Another rehearsal question</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Another rehearsal question : I really think you are making a mountain out of a mole hill. This is so easily solved with a phone call or an email. If she is unwilling to listen, however, you have to remember, she is paying. You can think whatever you want about her reasons for wanting to invite all these "unnecessary" people. She wants to do it and she's paying. You can't tell her what she needs to do. If she wants to pay for a party for her friends and not invite you and your fiance and the officiant, then that's her prerogative, and you guys can throw a rehearsal dinner on your own for the WP, and she can have her random dinner party. Awkward, but whatever. If you are unwilling to just make a phone call and solve this issue then you are just as silly as she is. Just say, hey, here are some folks that MUST be included, and here are is the max number of people that the venue can hold. Figure it out, crazyhead. (In much nicer terms.) Be glad she even wants to be involved. My MIL told my FI that she couldn't do it because she would be too busy with FSIL and her kids to pay attention to us that weekend.
Posted by runpipparun[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I've got to get the whole thing sorted out soon, but she's in Florida until next Thursday, so it will have to wait until then. I really don't think she's INTENTIONALLY doing this, I think she just absentmindedly made a list and is refusing to pick it up and actually count the numbers. She honestly believes that her list has 30-35 people on it! Maybe she is counting numbers of people that she "thinks are going to come" but I feel like there is no way to actually predict that. </div><div>
</div><div>Also, I think some of the people are on the invite list because they were invited to their rehearsal when they (or their kids) got married. I kind of get that, but if your venue doesn't hold enough to invite all the extra people, you can't invite them.

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futuremrsbruno · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_another-rehearsal-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:24ffa1a2-a8d1-42be-9491-22bfe9fe5418Post:5720296b-43cc-4ea5-922f-b2ca51f0ad28">Re: Another rehearsal question</a>:
[QUOTE]Also, what distance makes you "traveling" and therefore qualifies you to be at the rehearsal? Is it anyone who has to stay at a hotel? My rule of thumb is basically if they are a plane ride away. I don't feel like anyone on my side who is traveling from the city (2-3 hours by car or train), is a "traveler" but my MIL definitely included a lot of NJ/NYC people on the rehearsal list, so I'm thinking she feels differently.
Posted by mbuckley85[/QUOTE]

The only thing that "qualifies" you to be at the rehearsal is if you are the one getting married, or the one in the bridal party.

And I still don't believe that your FMIL would make a list that high and then forget that you have people in the wedding party. The rehearsal is for the wedding party. Otherwise, she's throwing you a pre-wedding dinner.

futuremrsbruno · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_another-rehearsal-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:24ffa1a2-a8d1-42be-9491-22bfe9fe5418Post:399525c1-56f2-4843-9a8f-38fbec439893">Re: Another rehearsal question</a>:
[QUOTE]Just call her up and, very politely and respectfully, bring this up. Tell her you counted her list, and it is not leaving room for all of the wedding party and family members to attend in comfort. Ooze graciousness and ask if there is some room to adjust the guest list to make sure that all 19 of your family and WP attend. If she insists that she is not inviting 53 people, just reiterate that you counted and the list is going to be well over the comfortable amount that will fit in the venue. I understand the advice to have your FI discuss this with her because it his mother, but at the same time, men don't always understand how to deal with this stuff, and also, if you are going to be family, then you should be able to have an adult conversation with her. Just DON'T bring up the cost of the event, just the guest list and really focus on the fact that you just want to make sure everyone is comfortable in the venue. You might even throw in some talk about how you are really excited to meet some of her friends and family, so she doesn't think it's an issue of you not wanting her people there. <strong>Past that, I don't understand this at all, because in my world, the rehearsal dinner was for the family and WP that was at the rehearsal. Not a social dinner for your friends brother's girlfriends parents that aren't even invited to the wedding. *shrug*</strong>
Posted by jmp2004[/QUOTE]

That. In bold. Is why I'm throwing out the bull isht flag.

futuremrsbruno · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_another-rehearsal-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:24ffa1a2-a8d1-42be-9491-22bfe9fe5418Post:b5d42494-1b93-4f02-a308-4d7371502f5f">Re: Another rehearsal question</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Another rehearsal question : Nooooo....she didn't invite people to the rehearsal who aren't invited to the wedding, just people that don't necessarily belong at the rehearsal. I think she just needs to cut just a couple of the "unnecessary" people off her list (you know...so my fiance and I can come to the rehearsal, and maybe also include the rest of the wedding party). <strong>That is totally going to be his discussion with her though.</strong>
Posted by mbuckley85[/QUOTE]

This. If after ALL of this, you now say it's totally going to be her decision, than why are you even asking us this question and then arguing every time you get a response?!!!

She made a decision. You don't like it.

Also, I find it HIGHLY unlikely that she doesn't have you or your FI on her list. And I don't care if you didn't see your names on it. My name hasn't been on any RD or reception list that I've seen or I have, but trust me, I KNOW there is going to be a seat for me...

futuremrsbruno · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_another-rehearsal-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:24ffa1a2-a8d1-42be-9491-22bfe9fe5418Post:079e36c2-90fb-4d20-9174-704774160ea8">Re: Another rehearsal question</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Another rehearsal question : I really think you are making a mountain out of a mole hill. This is so easily solved with a phone call or an email. If she is unwilling to listen, however, you have to remember, she is paying. You can think whatever you want about her reasons for wanting to invite all these "unnecessary" people. She wants to do it and she's paying. You can't tell her what she needs to do. If she wants to pay for a party for her friends and not invite you and your fiance and the officiant, then that's her prerogative, and you guys can throw a rehearsal dinner on your own for the WP, and she can have her random dinner party. Awkward, but whatever. If you are unwilling to just make a phone call and solve this issue then you are just as silly as she is. Just say, hey, here are some folks that MUST be included, and here are is the max number of people that the venue can hold. Figure it out, crazyhead. (In much nicer terms.) Be glad she even wants to be involved. <strong>My MIL told my FI that she couldn't do it because she would be too busy with FSIL and her kids to pay attention to us that weekend.</strong>
Posted by runpipparun[/QUOTE]

She sounds... pleasant... that sucks!! Please tell me that once you got married you started coming back at her with something. I have the upmost respect for my future in-laws, but there comes a point...

mbuckley85 · June 2012

In Response to Re:Another rehearsal question:[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Another rehearsal question:In Response to Re: Another rehearsal question : Nooooo....she didn't invite people to the rehearsal who aren't invited to the wedding, just people that don't necessarily belong at the rehearsal. I think she just needs to cut just a couple of the "unnecessary" people off her list you know...so my fiance and I can come to the rehearsal, and maybe also include the rest of the wedding party. nbsp;That is totally going to be his discussion with her though.Posted by mbuckley85This. If after ALL of this, you now say it's totally going to be her decision, than why are you even asking us this question and then arguing every time you get a response?!!! She made a decision. You don't like it. Also, I find it HIGHLY unlikely that she doesn't have you or your FI on her list. And I don't care if you didn't see your names on it. My name hasn't been on any RD or reception list that I've seen or I have, but trust me, I KNOW there is going to be a seat for me... Posted by futuremrsbruno[/QUOTE]

It's going to be FI's discussion with his mother, not her decision...I think you misread my response. Obviously we are going to be at the rehearsal, but the only ppl in the wedding party that she named on her list are the ones that are on my FI's side...with the exception of my FI. She gave me her list with the intention if me adding the ppl from my side, just didn't leave me enough spaces to do it! I can work with some of that, yes, but come on! I do need to add my family and the rest of the wedding party!

futuremrsbruno · June 2012

Ahh yes, I see the his discussion now.

Since you are the one freaking out about this, shouldn't you just talk to her? Seriously. And again, if she's paying for it, and she tells you to invite whoever you want, than do it.

If they don't all fit in the hall, you're not the one who planned it!

Also, I'm pretty sure that if she really does have 53 people on her list, and you add yours, when she gives whoever is making the food the final count, they will tell her the place won't hold that many.

I don't get why you don't get these things. All you have to do is give her your list. That's it.

mbuckley85 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_another-rehearsal-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:24ffa1a2-a8d1-42be-9491-22bfe9fe5418Post:9daafd1b-d83f-49b6-9518-e9ec19c2cc50">Re: Another rehearsal question</a>:
[QUOTE]Ahh yes, I see the his discussion now. Since you are the one freaking out about this, shouldn't you just talk to her? Seriously. And again, if she's paying for it, and she tells you to invite whoever you want, than do it. If they don't all fit in the hall, you're not the one who planned it! Also, I'm pretty sure that if she really does have 53 people on her list, and you add yours, when she gives whoever is making the food the final count, they will tell her the place won't hold that many. I don't get why you don't get these things. All you have to do is give her your list. That's it.
Posted by futuremrsbruno[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>The only reason I'm making the final list is that she isn't good on a computer and she needs it put into this specific spread sheet for the person who is printing the addresses on the envelopes for the invites. </div><div>
</div><div>Maybe I will just put all my people on and let her see that there are too many people. I don't want her making the cuts from my side though. I feel if there have to be cuts they should come from her side. I can justify every person I'm inviting with one of three reasons. 1.)They are my immediate family, 2.)They are traveling cross-country 3.)They are a member of the wedding party. How can I justify cutting anyone who falls in these categories?</div><div>
</div><div>

</div>

runpipparun · June 2012

Easy, she is paying.

futuremrsbruno · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_another-rehearsal-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:24ffa1a2-a8d1-42be-9491-22bfe9fe5418Post:ac90498b-5aaa-4787-b883-e149cbfc4cb9">Re:Another rehearsal question</a>:
[QUOTE]Easy, she is paying.
Posted by runpipparun[/QUOTE]

This. You cannot tell her she needs to cut her list if she is paying for it.

Also, while it is a nice thing to do, out-of-town guests do not have to be included in a rehearsal dinner. They generally are because it gives them something to do, but it is not a mandatory thing.

If the list is too large for the venue. Let the people at the venue tell her.

mbuckley85 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_another-rehearsal-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:24ffa1a2-a8d1-42be-9491-22bfe9fe5418Post:30a6777f-9d4c-4bd6-99c2-f9dec89a953f">Re:Another rehearsal question</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Another rehearsal question : This. You cannot tell her she needs to cut her list if she is paying for it. Also, while it is a nice thing to do, out-of-town guests do not have to be included in a rehearsal dinner. They generally are because it gives them something to do, but it is not a mandatory thing. If the list is too large for the venue. Let the people at the venue tell her.
Posted by futuremrsbruno[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I get this, I really do. I'm just thinking people in the wedding party should have priority over her friends and their kids/kids spouses. </div><div>
</div><div>I spent some time thinking about it this weekend, and we really cannot invite more than 65-70 people to the rehearsal, because they aren't going to decline. Basically, the people we would invite to the rehearsal are people we have definite yeses from. She has one family of 5 that may not come, so that would help a lot but if they do come, we are going to have an issue. </div><div>
</div><div>Unfortunately, I'm in a holding pattern right now because she's on vacation. She'll be back Thursday and hopefully she'll be ready to talk with FI and I, because we have to get this sorted out. If I have to suggest that FI and I have our own rehearsal dinner for the wedding party somewhere else, I will, but I think she would be horrified at the suggestion and finally get how serious we are about this. I think she's blowing if off as no big deal.</div><div>

</div>

DMoore421 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_another-rehearsal-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:24ffa1a2-a8d1-42be-9491-22bfe9fe5418Post:ddda5ded-b75f-44cd-bd48-2244541146b2">Another rehearsal question</a>:
[QUOTE]My future MIL seems to think her close friends and their children and spouses (with no ties to the wedding party) should be invited to the rehearsal dinner. I say no, since they are 1.)local to the place of the wedding, 2.) Not immediate family (or family at all) and 3.)Not a part of the wedding party. I totally don't care if they come or not EXCEPT that our venue for the rehearsal comfortably holds 60 people (and holds 70 uncomfortably). She gave me a list of 53 people from "her side" that should be invited. The particular family in question accounts for 7 people. That list did not include myself or my fiance and it also didn't include "my side". I have a list of 32 people that ideally would be invited (I can reduce it to the 25 that HAVE to be there). 53+32=85 Do we just invite 85 and see what happens? Also, do local family members of the wedding party get invited? One of our groomsmen's parents are on the list, but they aren't super close with my future in-laws, so I say nix them...
Posted by mbuckley85[/QUOTE]

as far as i know - and maybe times have changed - the RD should include the bride, groom, parents on both sides and grandparents - the bridal party and any our of town guests that are attending the wedding ... and of course brothers and sister and SO of all those stated already. Anyone who is doing something at the wedding and would be required to be at the rehearsal should also be included in the RD ( readers, gift carriers if a catholic wedding)

My FI and are not having a traditional RD though - because 90% of the guests would be from out of town thus it would be like having a reception before the reception. Our RD will more than likely be at a local bar - few drinks and some bar food - nothing fancy - and will be very limited number of people - probably doing it on a thursday instead of friday so most OOT guests arent even in town yet

Another rehearsal question

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