Vent- Guest list issues!

DeadUtopia · February 2012

Sorry that I haven't been posting too much, but I think this deserves a vent!

I plan on having an open bar or a limited open bar (beer, wine and margaritas.) We haven't picked which one yet due to budget, but either way we've decided we want to cover the bar. It's not because I have some etiquette stick up my bum, I just didn't want a cash bar. I've been to cash bar weddings, and I didn't talk trash about the couple (unless water, tea, soda etc wasn't provided, that sucked.) But I'm not doing it to be hoighty toity, I just wanted to treat my friends and family to the best of my ability and thankfully, that amount was enough to cover the bar. Good enough, right?

WELL.
I've already had some friction from FI's side of the family because of the limited guest list. In his social circle, weddings are usually open affairs and people will drop in during the dancing portion. Invitations are usually "come one come all." I spoke to his mother about this and explained that it's a sit down dinner with an open bar, we have a really limited list to accomodate that. FI's cousin has already said that "he doesn't go anywhere alone." No, I didn't give him a plus one (yet) because he's single, I didn't see the need to. My MIL's sister is confused as to why we don't have a cash bar so we don't have to worry about extra people coming. They've asked me why we don't just do open for 2 hours if we just have to have it and then cash bar the rest of the night. While this isn't something unheard of, it's just not what I wanted to do. We've cut some of our own friends (not close ones) from the guest list in order to have the type of wedding that we really wanted.

I just get really irritated when they start complaining that they can't invite people (really, why would my FMIL's sister be able to invite people anyway?!) because of an open bar? Wouldn't you think they would be happy to not have to worry about paying a crazy amount of $$ for banquet hall drinks? I'm just flabbergasted that I'm getting gossiped about and questioned for this. Of all the things to cause drama, I *really* didn't think me choosing to cover the bar would be an issue. I knew that us choosing a smaller wedding wouldn't sit well, but I didn't think that it would ruffle that many feathers or that anyone would be rude enough to complain to us about it!

GAHHH!

CowgirlK39 · February 2012

Wow thats crazy. My FMIL seems to think she can invite the world too, so I know the pressure you feel there. What does your FI say about it? Have your IL's started the open inviting crap yet? Who else do they think they are entitled to openly invite!?

Sarah&Eric2012 · February 2012

Ugh, I'm sorry they're giving you a hard time about this. Guest lists have to be THE WORST part of a wedding. Everyone has their opinions but at the end of the day its about you and your FH having the wedding that you both want. People will complain for the next 6+ months and then it will be over and done with and they'll find the next travesity to complain about.

That being said, I know your pain. My FMIL is up in arms about the fact that she's not allowed to invite her friends. She keeps bringing it up. I've already told her that her side of the guest list is double what my family's side is. We're not extending it any further because then people will be packed into the reception like sardines and that's just not fun.

Put your foot down, tell them this is what you want for your day and turn a deaf ear to any further comments, eventually people will see they're not going to get their way and stop complaining.

volleygurl0306 · February 2012

That is absurd. I think she's over the line regardless but I have to ask...is FI's family paying for the wedding? This would be the only condition where I could see them getting to voice an opinion (not that their opinion goes, just that they can say it out loud). Regardless, stick to your guns on this one. You are 500% right. If you don't want "come one, come all," don't do it. If you don't want a cash bar, don't do it! And don't give people plus ones b/c they have an attitude about going somewhere alone. Tell them to put on their big boy pants and hang out with his family then. Or I'd probably tell him, if you require a date we won't be able to accommodate either of you so we'll see you at Christmas. I hate how people think they are entitled to an invite let alone some random date. I'd maybe talk to your venue about monitoring for wedding crashers though. Sounds like they are going to be a PITA and if that's the standard in the family and people find out the date and location, they may invite themselves!

DeadUtopia · February 2012

@volleygurl I'm afraid of 'crashers' too! His family isn't paying for anything, we're footing 100% of the bill, so I guess that's why it seems so outrageous to me that they think we can even afford to have more people!

I guess it's a Hispanic culture thing, because something like a Quinceanera down here can be 200-300 people, and that's just a gussied up b-day party. I seriously have maybe 8 family members attending, (small family) and he's got a good 35. I don't mind the size difference, it is what it is, but I don't feel that it would be fair for me to allow their random friends to tag along when I have people who I would like to invite but didn't so we could stay within our means. I even have friends on my side that aren't getting plus ones (they're single and they don't mind.)

I think talking to my venue and giving them a heads up will probably be the best way to go. It feels so awkward though because I don't want to come of as a B, but FI is with me on this one. After we talked to his mom a little more indepth about it, she understood and she's explaining to the family about the situation, but I can tell she still doesn't quite understand the reasoning behind why we're doing it this way.

volleygurl0306 · February 2012

Well I'm glad she's starting to understand a bit. Marrying someone of another culture or even whose family just has different habits/traditions can be difficult but the wedding is the merging of both your cultures/families so everyone has to let go of something to compromise and blend. Glad FI is with you on this. If you two stand firm together and your venue looks out for crashers I think it'll work out.

jessa1228 · February 2012

I don't really have anything to add except to say stick to your guns. But if you do end up compromising with your MIL, do NOT do open bar for 2 hours and then cash. Just do one or the other. Switching it up in the middle of the reception is only going to confuse and irritate your guests.

romamor4 · February 2012

I agree with PPs. This is a tough situation, but in the end, you are paying. It is your wedding. You are not required to do what she says nor are you required to supply a cash bar for those that want to crash the party later on. I personally would have a problem with that as well. How does FI feel about the situation? Does he want the two hour cash bar and inviting people to the "after party" reception? If he likes the idea, then I would consider it. Otherwise I would stick to my guns. It's your party and wedding so noone else is allowed to dictate what or how you do it!

SCogs18 · February 2012

OMG they are being sooooo rediculous! I have NEVER heard of an "open reception." I would be furious if randos showed up. Stick to your guns, you are doing the right thing!

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