in laws on husbands bills! need advice

guerra06 · January 2013

my husband and i just got married last month and are expecting our first child. we are on a buget when it comes to our money since we are saving for a house and a baby. when we got engaged, we talked about our finances and how we needed to seperate eveything into our own. (meaning remove his mother from his phone bill- since he pays it, remove his brother of of his insurance) they have a tight knit family which is awesome to have but i feel like we need to cut the strings on the finances and my husband doesnt seem to understand why i feel this way. i need advice asap.

entropicbeauty · January 2013

I agree 100% with what Stage said.

lyndausvi · January 2013

The only thing I don't agree with Stage on is insurance. Having BIL on your insurance can and will adversely effect them if BIL has an claim(or effect your BIL if you have the accident). God forbid the other person needs to sue because they coverage is not enough, they will sue everyone on the policy. I would avoid that at all costs.

Phones and such are not really an issue.

misssunshine17 · January 2013

I'm on my parents' cell phone bill because it saves me $40 a month. It costs me $10 to be on their plan.

I think it's okay to share plans, but your FI shouldn't be footing the bill.

guerra06 · January 2013

i agree with you Stage however, its not about financial independence. he is paying his mothers Bill and every penny counts right now. the multi car discount thing is another story because Im a part of his multi car discount already, his brother is a liability for our cost since he is so young, been driving less then a year and isnt as stable when it comes to finances. whats going to happen when he cant pay his portion? which has happened already! I feel like they depend on my husband a lot, and since i was so used to being so independent myself with my own money, i feel like he needs to branch off from them and save. that extra buck will help us in the long run and he feels like since it doesnt hurt us financilly right now its ok.

StephJean83 · January 2013

I agree with Stage about alot of it. Especially phone plans. My FH is currently on his parent's plan and will be until about March. Up until 2 yrs ago, my brother, parents and I were all on one plan together. It was significantly cheaper for all of us and it helped our parents out while our parents retired, moved and my dad tried finding a new job in his new state. Our roommate actually foots the entire phone bill for his parents and siblings. He doesn't mind it because he has the cash flow to do so, but he knows if he ever was struggling to afford it, they would pay him.

I think Lynda made a good point about having your BIL on the car insurance for liability and such. I know when FH and I were putting insurance on my car last year, we listed him as an owner on the car thinking we'd getting a better deal on the insurance by having mulitple cars. The insurance company wouldn't let him add me or the car because for 3 months(January to March) I would be living elsewhere and the car would be with me. I'm not sure how other companies work though.

My FH and I both started new jobs last March. When we filled out our insurance information as far as life insurance and emergency contact, we decided since at the time we were just living together but not engaged, we'd list each other with one of each other's family members as secondary but would be each other's emergency contact. For right now, my sister is my primary beneficiary and my FILs are FH's. FH and my other sister are listed as my secondary beneficiaries and myself, FBIL and FSIL are listed as FH's secondaries. If it is that he listed his mom as his beneficiary, could it be a hang up at work that is taking time to change that?

lyndausvi · January 2013

How many bills does your FI pay? Did you make a plan before you got married? What is MIL job situation? Is she just a lazy, lives completely over her mean, disability, etc?

I ask because a good 25 years my dad had a part of his paycheck automatically deposited to my grandmother's account. It was not a lot (although increased over the years), but every month he gave her some money. She generally needed the money. She was not buying expensive stuff,going on vacations or anything like that. It was just to help with the basics.

My grandmother was actually my dad's MIL. Mom was a SAHM. It was something they felt was important and together they decided on the amount they could afford.

I don't know your MILs situation or how much she relies on your DH. If she is generally a nice person who needs a little help I don't see why paying for an extra cell phone line is a big deal. Most places it's only $10 or so.

Of course if she is completely dependent then you have bigger issues.

zantster · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_in-laws-on-husbands-bills-need-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:103522be-7e2a-45d7-b0c7-6297c57d9857Post:83e87fa4-a0b7-4161-9732-1fcdd5fb60fb">in laws on husbands bills! need advice</a>:
[QUOTE]my husband and i just got married last month and are expecting our first child. we are on a buget when it comes to our money since we are saving for a house and a baby. when we got engaged, we talked about our finances and how we needed to seperate eveything into our own. (meaning remove his mother from his phone bill- since he pays it, remove his brother of of his insurance) they have a tight knit family which is awesome to have but i feel like we need to cut the strings on the finances and my husband doesnt seem to understand why i feel this way. i need advice asap.
Posted by guerra06[/QUOTE]

What did he say when you talked about it once you were engaged? Have you all sat down at the table and spread out all the bills and your paystubs, calculated any outstanding loans, credit card debts, student loans, current savings, etc. and how long it will take to pay these things off? Will you take off from work once the baby is born? What are your plans for ensuring you can retire once you get older or help pay for your child's education? If this hasn't been done you two might need to start that process with a good old fashioned calculator and/or a financial counselor. For example, saving as much as possible is extremely important with the state of social security today and a child on the way. Don't make it about your MIL and BIL, keep it focused on the facts in black and white. Once you go over the numbers he will hopefully come to the right conclusion about what needs to happen and then you two can always help family out in case of real emergencies like a potential utility shut off.

MoonlightSilver · January 2013

It sounds like your H has taken a parental role in the family. Is this because he wants to be nice, or because it's necessary? If H didn't pay for MIL's phone bill, would she even have a phone?

I'm actually on the same phone plan as my grandmother, because my grandmother wouldn't have a cellphone unless mom and I got her on one. She now pays her portion of the bill, but she didn't initally. She's still not all that sure how to use it. But it makes us more comfortable that she has the phone with her and can contact people if she needs to when she's out of the house.

guerra06 · January 2013

She has never worked. she is a stay at home mom. still has one more kid who is 13 out of the 4 kids they had. its not like his dad isnt in the picture either his dad is there still maried happily married for that matter but dependent on my hubby. Dont get me wrong i love this family very much and want nothing but the best for them i would never not give them notice about taking them off the bills and what not i just need them all including my husband to understand that its him and i now. and we need to save!

anastassiiat · January 2013

To add on to what zantster said about going over all your financial information, you can also include all the extra costs you'll incur when the baby comes. Your husband might not think it's a lot, but in between diapers, clothes, daycayre/babysitter (if you plan on using either), etc. it adds up to a lot of money. So might be a good idea to put that into perspective.

guerra06 · January 2013

YES! IT WAS DISCUSSED BEFORE WE WERE MARRIED! (im at work so its a little difficult to keep on this 24/7 but i appreciate everyones advise)

guerra06 · January 2013

Linger Longer- my apologies but i overlooked the question all of those times. im just trying to find a way to approach the situation. When we discussed it multiple times he was fine with removing them from anything that he was paying for because he knew eventually it would save us money in the long run. we agreed to put me in charge of our bills but now there is no follow through with what we had discussed in regards to removing or making his mother pay for her phone. i dont want to be a nightmare daughter in law and have to tell her myself because that is HIS mother.

guerra06 · January 2013

Thank you everyone for your advice again! I really do appreciate it and now i have an idea of how to go about this. It really was feeling like a burden since Its very new to me. thanks again.

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