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NO Showers from my Future-In-Laws

awesomeamber85awesomeamber85
First Comment
in Pre-wedding Parties
I've been trying really hard to not be upset about this, but I am. My Fiance's family has not lifted one finger on our wedding. It's both our first he's 31 & I'm 26. My mom's family/friends from our hometown which is 7 hours away. We drove down back in April and I got the most lovely shower. His Aunt asks me abotu 4 weeks ago if they could give me a shower I said yes, and that was it. Now it's 16 days before my wedding and I never got another shower. My mom is furious!!! It's been really hard because now I'm to blame for not giving his Aunt lists for both sides. I don't know who to invite from his family and I'm just at my wits end.
Can I please have some advice on how to handle all this?
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Re: NO Showers from my Future-In-Laws

  • CassieeKCassieeK
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I understand that you're bummed, but unfortunately, no one is obligated to give you a shower or lift a finger to help you and your fiance plan a wedding.
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  • covejackcovejack
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    What Cassiee said.  You sound disappointed, and I can imagine you are.  It might help to lower your expectations of your FIL's.  They really didn't owe you a shower.  Move on, and try not to let it spoil your fun.
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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    ditto Cassie and Jackie

    Your fi's aunt might still be planning a last minute party for you or she might not have been able to pull it together quickly enough. Either way, you shouldn't do or say anything about it.

    Some brides don't get any showers, you were lucky to have one.

                       
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  • awesomeamber85awesomeamber85
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    It's not that I'm disappointed in not getting showers, I'm not greedy, it's more about not feeling welcome in their family. It's been like this for a while and he asked his family to give me a shower after he saw what a great shower I got from my mom's family/friends. I told him it wasn't necessary and I meant it. But then I kinda got my hopes up when his Aunt mentioned doing one a few weeks back. She asked me when I was available, short notice mind you, it was about 4 weeks ago. I told her we had a military ball last weekend (the 11th) and we have a family reunion this weekend (the 18th.) She got upset with me for telling her I couldn't do it either weekend because apparently she wanted to do it this weekend. I'm sorry but this reunion had been planned for a long while. That was the last talk, and maybe she is planning something, but I've got other plans the next few weeks because my wedding is fast approaching and I'd like a little heads up.
    I understand what all of you are saying, I'm just sad I haven't gotten to spend time with my future-in-laws and I figured I'd get a shower. My parents through a party for his family for Memorial Weekend for lots of his family. His mom showed up and then his brother shortly after. His mother insulted my mother saying that because I'm an only child that I was spoiled. It really hurt my mom, she bit her tongue, but then started belittling my wedding plans and other things. She's been absent for the whole planning process and anytime I've gotten to see her and let her in on what's going on she hates it. I just want to really be part of the family. I could go on and on, but I won't.
    Just saying I think I sounded kinda bratty before and I didn't mean to come across that way.

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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    amber- I hope your fi let his mom know that she was out of line in the way she spoke to you and your mom. My MIL was opinionated and judgmental, too. And I was over sensitive. Not a good combination. It took a very long time for us to feel like family, so I know how you feel.

    If you don't get a shower from fi's family, don't let it ruin your feelings toward the aunt. There will be plenty of opportunities, after the wedding, for you to get to know them better.

    Best wishes. Have a wonderful wedding.




                       
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  • andreamarie3andreamarie3
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Where I'm from, you only get one bridal shower.  So if someone was planning to give you one but found out that you were already having one, that would be the end of it.  I'm not saying this is necessarily the case, especially given the history, but maybe give your FIL's the benefit of the doubt?  Either way, don't let it get you down. 
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