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Very newly engaged & need help talking to Fiance!

schl0578schl0578
10 Comments
in Minnesota-Minneapolis and St. Paul
Hi Ladies!
I'm very newly engaged and need some serious advice! Before we got engaged, my FI was realtively open to expressing his opinions and ideas about various wedding topics.
He was very excited about the proposal/engagement, but now I can't get anything out of him! We agreed that I would do most of the research for the planning, but that he would still have input on things like food, cake, money, and the GM stuff. I am hoping for a wedding next Oct, but everytime I start to ask him a question about wedding planning, he gets crabby and shuts down, not letting me ask any questions or run ideas by him!
As I said, I'm more than okay doing the research and gathering ideas, but I don't want our whole wedding day to be a complete shock and surprise to him - plus, I would love the experience of doing this together! We love each other so much and can talk about everything else, but I don't know how to get him to talk about this! Please help :)
"What do you want to be married to me for, anyhow?"
~**~
"So I can kiss you anytime I want"
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Re: Very newly engaged & need help talking to Fiance!

  • aabrahams7aabrahams7 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    My FI was the same way at first, with the whole engagement news and wedding talk, he was already burnt out a week into. I made a point to not talk wedding (I know that will be hard) for about 2 weeks and he slowly started asking questions. As hard as it will be, just keep everything to yourself for a little while or talk to girlfriends/mothers, do some research, narrow down a few options, and when he does come to you, you can present the information and ask for his input.
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  • quincygirl77quincygirl77
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    He may just be getting overwhelmed with all the questions and pressure that comes with being newly engaged.  I say take a breather and just enjoy being engaged for a little while before digging into everything.  You can certainly satisfy your wedding planning bug by starting to research locations, styles, dreaming, etc. so that you have a good idea of  what you like and what things might cost.  That way when you are ready to revisit this with the FI, you have more information.  

    I think the biggest lessons for me has been patience - with decisions, with vendors, with my FI, etc.  Generally, give things a little time and they will fall into place. 

    For now take a few breathes, relax, and give him a little space.  
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  • SSaltzman87SSaltzman87 member
    2500 Comments Third Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    Yeah, I'd definitely take a step back a bit because he's clearly overwhelmed. Give it a couple weeks to a month before asking him questions about things you've researched. This way, you also have a bit more time to narrow down what you like and don't like so you're not a chicken with its head cut off rattling off question after question, lol.
    <a href="http://www.thenest.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Money Saving Tips"><img src="http://global.thenest.com/tickers/tt17ce82.aspx" alt="Anniversary" border="0"  /></a>

    White Knot

    Planning Bio-Added FOR SALE page, will be adding more stuff to it soon! 
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  • graysquirrelgraysquirrel member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I agree with pps-- he is probably overwhelmed. I realized at one point that my DH was getting overwhelmed and then tried to limit wedding talk to like once a week. It was super hard becuase I knew that we were partners in it and I just wanted him to put his little check mark next to my ideas, but men can get burnt out really fast. It might help if you 1) limited your wedding talk for a while or 2) chatted with him about it and set up a time that works for both of you when you can go over your ideas with him, like ever Wed or something.
    Photobucket
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  • schl0578schl0578
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Thank you so much! I know I need to give him space and time...it's just hard when I'm so excited about all of this and he's the one I share my excitement with! But I will absolutely try my hardest so when he's ready, he will let me know :)
    "What do you want to be married to me for, anyhow?"
    ~**~
    "So I can kiss you anytime I want"
    Report Reply
  • aabrahams7aabrahams7 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    We all understand how exciting it is...trust me. That is why there is this cool webiste called The Knot where you can post your little heart out about your excitement :) 
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  • SSaltzman87SSaltzman87 member
    2500 Comments Third Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_minnesota-minneapolis-st-paul_very-newly-engaged-need-talking-fiance?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:81Discussion:5f78618a-e58e-4dc0-b8fe-0e154e1803a6Post:3cdf4d0b-7f13-49b5-bd16-0f723107b12c">Re: Very newly engaged & need help talking to Fiance!</a>:
    [QUOTE]We all understand how exciting it is...trust me. That is why there is this cool webiste called The Knot where you can post your little heart out about your excitement :) 
    Posted by aabrahams7[/QUOTE]
    Egg-sactly.

    I get all my wedding excitement out here because honestly, people get really sick of it REALLY fast.
    <a href="http://www.thenest.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Money Saving Tips"><img src="http://global.thenest.com/tickers/tt17ce82.aspx" alt="Anniversary" border="0"  /></a>

    White Knot

    Planning Bio-Added FOR SALE page, will be adding more stuff to it soon! 
    Report Reply
  • maybe984maybe984 member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_minnesota-minneapolis-st-paul_very-newly-engaged-need-talking-fiance?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:81Discussion:5f78618a-e58e-4dc0-b8fe-0e154e1803a6Post:b358e895-0e76-4c72-9ce9-27fbd17f7f8f">Re: Very newly engaged & need help talking to Fiance!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Very newly engaged & need help talking to Fiance! :  I get all my wedding excitement out here because honestly,<strong> people get really sick of it REALLY fast.
    </strong>Posted by SSaltzman87[/QUOTE]

    Except people like us, who are either in the throes of wedding planning... or got married a year ago and just can't let go of the wedding bug... and that's why we're all here in the first place.

    Ditto everyone on the overwhelmed piece. This is doubly so if you guys are financing all, or even part, of your wedding yourselves. I know that my DH was all daydreams and smiles until he actually proposed and the whole thing became very real and very expensive. Once we for sure had all of the financing in place, he was a lot more comfortable talking about stuff.

    Even then, not all men are going to get super excited or have strong opinions about a lot of the aspects of a wedding. Try to tune in to what really matters and is really interesting to him. My DH was super into the venue, the food, and the music.... the rest he could have cared less about (flowers, invitations, linen rentals, etc...). So I knew that other than a cursory "hey, I wanna do this... does it sound okay to you?" I didn't need to really consult him about the tinier or girlier details.
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  • trixie549trixie549
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Perhaps he's freaked out about the huge financial aspect of planning a wedding? My FI has been super involved in budgeting and even created an awesome Excel spreadsheet with all sorts of formulas and calculations (nerdy but oh so helpful). That has been a great way to get him involved with the planning process and make him feel like he's "in charge" of something!
    Anniversary
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  • FutureMrsS13FutureMrsS13 member
    Third Anniversary 100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    MY FI def. ids not into it as much as i.. we had a fight or an argument about it... before and decided its best to not tell him everything that is on my mind! (WHICH is alot when it comes to planning !) What i been doing is adding folders on my PC of wedding items.. and when he asks i show him.. its really hard for me NOT to say anything..But he is a guy. They dont understand as much and how important it is to us! lol....

      My FI wants to know the ideas..but think its a good idea to chill a little and share with these ladies! and keep ur ideas on ur PC  :)

     It has helped me!!!
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