Family issues are tough.

KmuJmg · September 2012

My mom and I have a pretty strained relationship. She's a difficult woman. We had a falling out when I was 16 and confronted her about having an affair. I moved out of on my own when I was 16, put myself through college and law school and have not asked her for anything since I was a teenager (I'm 28 now). She came to my college graduation and completely ruined my day by starting a fued with my dad. She did not attend (or even acknowledge) my law school graduation. I have not seen her in three years and she has never met FI.

Even with all of that, I invited her to the wedding. She is my mom and in some way I want her to be happy for me and proud of me. Sending her invitation was incredibily emotional for me. It's the last one I addressed. The RSVP date came and went. I haven't heard anything out of her. She did not return her RSVP. She has several sibilings (my aunts and uncles) who are coming to the wedding. I spoke to her sister (my aunt) and she said that my mom is telling everyone that she wasn't invited. Not true. I don't want to start any drama. If she doesn't feel like she can be there and needs to tell people that I didn't invite her then I guess that's not the end of the World. But I did invite her. And it was a hard thing for me to do, but felt like the right decision. I guess I thought maybe she would realize that she wants to be a part of my life and she's missing out. Apparently not. Even though I know she would probably cause problems if she did come, it's still hurtful that she's playing the victim and telling people that she wasn't invited.

Any other brides that were hoping their wedding would be a way to bury the hatchet and mend relationships? Not looking that way for me.

nani1012 · September 2012

I'm sorry this is happening. Hopefully it'll work out. Sounds like she doesn't really want to be there for you. Just focus on you and FI. You're getting married to your best friend and enjoy yourself.

If it helps, there is some drama coming with FIs dad, but it's nowhere near as rough. The relationships that he has with his boys are strained and has issues with other family members. He's his dad and wanted him to be there. FFIL has complained that the wedding is in Niagara Falls, but not to us (his siblings told us). Also he doesn't want to be a part of the ceremony which we have the immediate family and our BP is included.

Ividian · September 2012

I have an aunt that has been causing problems with some of her siblings for years. She has accepted her invitation to my wedding, so I'm hoping this could possible be a start to some family mending. It's been really hard on my father (her brother), because his siblings (there were six of them growing up) had always been really close and pretty much raised each other.

pennylg · September 2012

I hope it all works out okay for you. I'd try to get everyone there that I could from my family. You never know when they won't be around any more. My dad died when I was nine and I would put up with any family drama that came my way if I could've just had him there when I got married the first time (this will be my second wedding). My brother gave me away that time and now he's also passed away. My remaining family has it's share of drama but I included everyone on the guest list. While the wedding is only 13 days away, I'm still not sure if they'll all come but I know I did my part. Maybe your mother's invitation didn't make it through the mail. I'd make at least one attempt to call her to personally let her know that she's welcome. Good luck with the situation.

RockstarWifey0912 · September 2012

The relationship with my Dad is pretty strained. I put off writing his invite out though because something was up. 3 weeks before I sent invites out, we had a huge falling out and haven't spoken since. I thought about mending things about a month after that and found out he'd been playing the victim the whole time. So his invite never got addressed and he's not coming to the wedding. It sucks, but I have to remember he hasn't been there for anything else important, why should he start now?

I'm sorry things suck with your Mom. Some people just can't be anything but The Victim and it sucks hard.

NRod70 · September 2012

I have a very 'difficut' relationship with my mother as well. She's actually made comments to my sisters like '...well, if I'm even going to the wedding". It's her way of getting attention. My daughter's (who is 20) other grandmother and I are very close even though her son and I split up 18 years ago. She tells everyone I am her daughter and I call her mom. She lives in GA and we are in NJ...my mother made a comment months ago, once again to my sisters, "I guess SHE is coming up for the wedding. I wonder who will get all the attention for mother of the bride". Yep that's my mother in a nutshell...it's all about her. I am praying for a drama-free wedding day.

All that being said, you extended the olive branch to your mother and it sounds like she doesn't want it. You are definitely taking the higher road here and seems like she doesn't want to let go of the past. If I were you, if I did not hear from her I would be cutting all ties. Not telling you that is what you should do...it is what I would do in that situation and am speaking from a very strained relationship with a parent. It's a tough situation and unless someone is in your shoes and has experienced something like this, they just can't comprehend. Just as I can not comprehend when I hear people say things like their mother is the world to them or their mother is their best friend. I have never felt it and I do envy people that do have that. My dad died when I was little so I don't have that either. I just thank God that I have a wonderful relationship with my daughter and I am about to marry my best friend!

Best of luck to you in what may or may not come in the mending you relationship.

[Deleted User] · September 2012

Sorry you are going through that! FI's dad was not invited, he left them when they were kids (multiple affairs) and then was spiteful that the kids did not make an effort to conact him (!). Ridiculous. In FI's opinion he has no father. It breaks my heart because I cannot imagine not having one of my parents. I'm sorry you are going through something similar, but it sounds like you are being the bigger person. Try not to let the disappointment overshadow your joy in marrying your soul mate.

And congrats on putting yourself through college and law school! I did the same for law school and it is no easy task!

thale0924 · September 2012

I had a VERY similar situation with my dad's dad. We were super close when I was little...he was my rock. But through affairs and a mismanaged business he ended up moving to Missouri and he rejected my rsvp, writing on it that he hasn't been thought of in 12 years...why should I start now.

I was SO mad about it to begin with, but if that's how he copes with his decisions...then so be it!

Family issues are tough.

Re: Family issues are tough.

Choose Another Board

Search Boards