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Uninvited from a wedding? Are you kidding?! Long

cswaldoncswaldon
First Comment
in Minnesota-Minneapolis and St. Paul
So...about 8 months ago I got a STD for my cousin's wedding. At that time my aunt (my cousin's mother) offered to throw me a bridal shower (she threw my SIL a bridal shower, too, when she got married). Her kids aren't invited to our wedding (because if we invited all of our cousins, the budget would be BLOWN), so I told her that I'm honored that she'd want to throw me a shower, but I informed her that her kids wouldn't be invited to the wedding. I knew her daughters would be helping with the shower and I didn't feel right having her host a shower without knowing that her kids weren't invited.

ANYWAY - my aunt said that it was fine, that she'd still love to throw me a shower. THEN, a few days later, she said she changed her mind and didn't want to throw me a shower. Ok, that was fine! I had no problem - I didn't even see the point of having two showers.

So, now my cousin's wedding invites have gone out...and FI and I have been uninvited! Who sends a STD but then uninvites someone simply because they didn't invite you to THEIR wedding? 

Has this happened to anyone else?! I'm so shocked!
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Re: Uninvited from a wedding? Are you kidding?! Long

  • veijesveijes
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    That seems rude to me!

    I know that it was a helpful deciding factor for us if a couple either invited us, or didn't invite us, then they would expect the same. But it's a whole different story when they already planned on inviting you!

    I would personally just leave it as is though! Tacky or not, you don't want to start drama!
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  • izzyjenniizzyjenni member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I agree.  Don't start drama!  It is very rude though and I feel if you were sent an STD than you should get an invitation.  Just saying.   What can you do though!
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  • beka0404beka0404
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    You were wise to tell your aunt ahead of time.
    Are these first cousins being left off your guest list? 

    It sounds like your aunt felt put on the spot and didn't know how to respond in the moment. Technically, it's a faux pas to send someone a save-the-date and not send them an invite (it has happened to me). So, technically you have a reason to feel miffed. But honestly, your cousin probably has a reason to feel offended as well.

    As much as I hate to cast judgement on anyone else's wedding decisions, it seems like you have made your priorities clear. And so has your cousin.
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  • LittleSweetieLittleSweetie member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Are you sure you're not on the B list?

    Unfortunately, I think the drama was already started when you decided to A) not invite them to your wedding and B) told that to your aunt.  Sorry :(

    EITHER WAY though, they shouldn't have uninvited you if they sent a STD.  That's UBER tacky!!
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  • cswaldoncswaldon
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Did any of you guys decide not to invite certain groups of family members or friends (cousins, people  your FI didn't know. etc.)? 

    I just never would've thought that drawing a line SOMEwhere would've miffed people so much! Did anyone else face resistance from people? 

    I wasn't planning on saying anything to my family - my family has enough drama without my wedding coming into play. :) I just couldn't believe it and had to share!

    Also, the only reason I told my aunt that her kids weren't invite was because she was wanting to throw me a bridal shower (like she did for my SIL) with the help of her daughters. I know the faux pas is to have people at your shower (i.e., her daughters) who aren't invited to the wedding.

    Oh well! Life's funny sometimes :)
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  • beka0404beka0404
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Of course we all have to draw a line somewhere. It's that it your sister included first cousins in her wedding. And your cousin was planning on including you. Did you really think your decision was going to not offend anyone else? You're into economics; you understand opportunity costs.

    Again, being forthright with your aunt was the right thing to do, so kudos. And not sending an invite to someone after they've sent you an STD is certainly in poor taste. However, you may want to consider how your cousin must feel. In other words, you're both guilty. 

    Sorry if you were looking for unconditional empathizing. The internet is funny that way.

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  • dc*prepdc*prep
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Ugh. What an uncomfortable situation.

    I'm sure you knew from the get-go that not inviting certain family members could cause some problems. (Isn't that ALWAYS the case with weddings?) I honestly think you did the right thing by being honest with your aunt, and you followed the etiquette by not wanting people at your shower who weren't going to be invited to your wedding.

    Is it rude for your cousin to uninvite you? Absolutely. However, I'm assuming you're not really close with your cousin (otherwise she would have been invited to your wedding). That being said, I'd just try to move on and forget this unpleasant experience :)
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  • ChelseaNelsonChelseaNelson
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Well, everyone has a limiting factor at some point.  You choose to not invite cousins, and I hope you choose not to invite cousins and not just “some cousins.” I say this only because if your aunt asked to have a shower and the cousins would help it doesn’t sound like you drew a line at “no cousins I don’t interact with.”   Your cousin probably drew a line and included you even though that meant she would have to cut someone else she would rather see (a college friend) or spend extra money to have you there(mine came out to $110/person).  Then she and her mom did a tacky thing by inviting you and cancelling a shower.   They probably felt like you did a tacky thing by nixing the cousins from your wedding plans so they could return tacky with tacky.
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  • maybe984maybe984 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    I agree with the last couple of posts. Although it's undeniably rude to drop someone from the invite list after sending them the STD... you have to put yourself in her shoes. Honestly, I would be kind of shocked if one of my first cousins invited my parents and not me. I think first cousins is a really early cut-off... but I suppose not all families are the same. 

    That family probably felt hurt and awkward. It's not to say that what they did was right, but you have to look at it from their perspective.

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