What are the problems with

M&R7111 · August 2010

Bouquet and garter tosses?

I was just reading how some people "hate" them at weddings and I see a lot of posts looking for ideas on what to do instead.

I always thought those events were fun, so I'm just wondering why people decide not to do them or dislike them.

gottahavashorti · August 2010

I hated being dragged out onto the dance floor and being expected to be excited about the bouquet toss. I have only liked one bouquet toss in my life. A lot of women feel the same way. Or sometimes most of the adult women are married, and it ends up being kids.

Then the person who catches the bouquet has the person who caught the garter stick their hands up their dress or at least up their leg to the knee. Awkward. I don't think it would be nearly as bad without the garter. At my aunt's wedding, a middle aged man caught the garter and her husband's teenage niece the bouquet, so they put the garter on her arm instead of her leg.

Our florist gave us a free toss bouquet. I gave it to a cousin who loves bouquet tosses but has never caught one. It was mostly a joke since we all love her boyfriend and really want them to get married.

amclausen · August 2010

I've always disliked them because I felt they single out single people. In my group of friends, I've always felt suspicious when I wasn't with someone. Lately, so many people in my group of friends/family are married that I don't feel it's worth it to point out to everyone that one or two people aren't married/engaged.

waltzingmatilda13 · August 2010

No one likes to be pointed out as being single, especially at a wedding. I think it's even more awkward when someone is in a long-term relationship but hasn't gotten engaged yet for various reasons.

We didn't do one because we only had about 3 single ladies and 3 single guys. We did an anniversary dance instead and the dance floor was packed.

jessienjeremy · August 2010

I don't mind it... I think its fun when you have a friend that you want to catch it and you all get out there and purposely make her catch it lol.. we do that sometimes.. we take the friend who is getting married next and take her out there and we all back away when it is thrown. THe guys do teh same thing with the next to be married guy too. Its cute to have the next married couple with the bride and groom holding the bouqet and garter. Just a suggestion.

jessienjeremy · August 2010

BTW you got married on my birthday.. thats awesome congrats!!!!

frogurt814 · August 2010

I have never seen the person who caught the garter put the garter on the person that caught the boquet. That would be SO awkward!

mkrupar · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_problems?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:652c0f3b-de93-4f69-8d3b-83d526d7fc0cPost:c705a0a8-5fe0-412a-a6b8-01a69b32c1b8">Re: What are the problems with</a>:
[QUOTE]I have never seen the person who caught the garter put the garter on the person that caught the boquet. That would be SO awkward!
Posted by frogurt814[/QUOTE]

I had this done to me unfortunately. :-( I was at a friend's wedding and caught the bouquet but didn't realize that meant that the guy that caught the garter was going to put it on me. VERY akward!

526SadieSadie · August 2010

I don't like them mostly because they take time away from dancing at the reception. We aren't doing either of the tosses because of that and because there aren't many single men or women coming so it would be a waste of time.

aerinpegadrak · August 2010

I just don't like getting dragged into activities like that. When they announced the bouquet toss at SBIL's wedding, I instinctively looked for a place to hide until I remembered that I'm married now and never have to get roped into that again.

Plus, it's kind of a party killer. I was at a friend's iPod wedding, and there was quite a lot of dancing. Then we stopped to do the garter and bouquet toss, and after they were done, the floor was empty for the rest of the reception.

AllAboutTheBenjamin · August 2010

I don't mind the bouquet toss. I think it's all in good fun. Just a silly tradition that I don't think is really worth getting upset or offended at. Relax!

In my area people don't do garter tosses... but they do garter auctions. Which are bad.

jmkes · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_problems?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:652c0f3b-de93-4f69-8d3b-83d526d7fc0cPost:dcdc1dd6-5bdc-4d0b-a055-368437d85935">Re: What are the problems with</a>:
[QUOTE]... <strong>Then the person who catches the bouquet has the person who caught the garter stick their hands up their dress or at least up their leg to the knee.</strong> Awkward. I don't think it would be nearly as bad without the garter. Posted by gottahavashorti[/QUOTE]

Whaaaat? That must be a regional thing because I have never EVER seen that done. Eeeeew! I have begrudgingly gone out and "tried" to catch the bouquet, but the past couple of weddings I didn't do it. I've actually caught it twice without even trying (I'm usually the tallest chick out there so sometimes it comes right at my head.) I'm not sure if we will do one or not because I don't think we will have but 3 single chicks there. My FMIL already made a toss bouquet, but I feel bad that I may have to tell her we won't use it. We may do an anniversary dance instead.

AdeleDazeem · August 2010

Honestly, if you want to do them, then it's totally fine. But, please don't FORCE anyone into participating. The DJ hounded me at my brother in law's wedding to get out on the dance floor. Um, leave me alone, please? I'm an adult and will decide to participate or not.

kpwedkk · August 2010

They are awkward for the reasons that were mentioned above. I even went to a wedding where the girl that caught the bouquet had to romantically dance with the boy that caught the garter.... They were 11 and 7 years old (the age of kooties) respectively. AWKWARD

tonyscutieest09 · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_problems?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:652c0f3b-de93-4f69-8d3b-83d526d7fc0cPost:c705a0a8-5fe0-412a-a6b8-01a69b32c1b8">Re: What are the problems with</a>:
[QUOTE]I have never seen the person who caught the garter put the garter on the person that caught the boquet. That would be SO awkward!
Posted by frogurt814[/QUOTE]

I've had this done to me, it was by my FI but before we were engaged. I hated it and I was really mad at the Bride (my bff) for having him do it, she know's how painfully shy I am, I ended up running to the bathroom and having a panic attack. I have never seen it done before or since then though.

banana468 · August 2010

When I was single I hated them - particularly when they were done at family weddings. I hated feeling serious with DH but not wanting to tell the family that we were talking marriage - it's just a weird feeling if that subject had to come up.

And I personally think the garter toss is tacky. I'm not a fan of watching a man put his head up his wife's dress. My general thought is, if it's gross to to not at a wedding, it's still gross at a wedding.

trix1223 · August 2010

Because it puts people on the spot. Single women may not WANT to go out on the floor, but they often get physically dragged out and feel ridiculous. I'm okay with a bouquet toss if everyone is on the floor and catching it is "for luck" or some other platitude.

And yes, where we are, the catcher of the garter puts it on the catcher of the bouquet. And it can get raunchy. At DD's wedding, the woman who caught the garter put on quite the "show" for everyone. It was sickening.

JenO24 · August 2010

no one likes to be singled out for being single...it can be hard enough for them at weddings

gottahavashorti · August 2010

Frogurt, that's how I've always seen it. Usually they put it just above or below the knee, but still. The idea makes me uncomfortable.

waltzingmatilda13 · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_problems?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:652c0f3b-de93-4f69-8d3b-83d526d7fc0cPost:237ffd00-55c6-4765-900e-52d4293bd8d9">Re: What are the problems with</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't mind it... I think its fun when you have a friend that you want to catch it and you all get out there and purposely make her catch it lol.. we do that sometimes.. we take the friend who is getting married next and take her out there and we all back away when it is thrown. THe guys do teh same thing with the next to be married guy too. Its cute to have the next married couple with the bride and groom holding the bouqet and garter. Just a suggestion.
Posted by jessienjeremy[/QUOTE]

I think this may be reason #1 to NOT do a bouquet toss. I know I would not appreciate being dragged out there and it just reiterates the fact that people don't want to be singled out as being single. They don't want to be out there, so don't make them. Sheesh.

KyKel85 · August 2010

I am not a fan of it.

I always get the awkward "look away, don't watch" feeling when the groom pulls out props and toys to be funny why digging his entire face up her dress in front of grandma, grandpa, and small children. It's cool if he wants to pull those props out in their hotel room, but please not in "public"

Also, I went to a wedding in May right before I got engaged and they called "all the single ladies" me and my 30 year old cousin were forced on the floor to be accompanied by little girls....awkward and embarrassing!!!

I've decided to do an anniversary dance because we are getting married on my parents 35th anniversary! I think at a wedding you should celebrate love and marriage, not single and alone.

Just my opinion though!

M&R7111 · August 2010

wow, didn't know it made so many people uncomfortable. I always thought they were fun ... and funny! This is the first I've ever heard of this.

RebeccaB88 · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_problems?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:652c0f3b-de93-4f69-8d3b-83d526d7fc0cPost:84fbf13a-58e1-405c-ab9a-370425f01065">Re: What are the problems with</a>:
[QUOTE]no one likes to be singled out for being single...it can be hard enough for them at weddings
Posted by JenO24[/QUOTE]

This. Just plain rude to put people on the spot like that.

The whole tradition is just silly, trite, potentially embarassing, and completely outdated and unoriginal.

I hid in the bathroom at my own sister's wedding because of this.

JennandJoel2010 · August 2010

I think they're lame. I just don't see the point of doing either. And I agree with PPs: a lot of the time it's awkward, and it totally takes away from the flow of the reception.

But then again, I'm not even cutting a cake. You can tell how much I love wedding traditions.

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