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FMIL dress

KristenAnne88KristenAnne88 member
First Comment
in Moms and Maids
My FMIL is looking for a dress for my wedding in October 2012.  I want her to have a color that compliments the colors I chose (plum, platinum, black, white), and suggested a wine or light burgandy color.  She asked me today if she could wear black....um NO! She is very self conscious of her body, and wants to "blend in".  I dont want her to stand out, but I dont want her wearing the same color as the tuxedos. Plus, I think black is a little offensive. Undecided
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Re: FMIL dress

  • chickenbut143chickenbut143 member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I love black and think that it's totally appropriate for a wedding (not offensive at all)...in fact, i'm wearing a black dress to a wedding in January.  Personally, if it makes her feel comfortable - i'd be all for it.  :)  
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  • LittleMissCutiePieLittleMissCutiePie
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    You sound like a troll...that or you really ARE that ridiculous. Seriously? She can wear whatever she wants unless she's a BM. Black, offensive? Why? Because it's traditionally a "funeral" colour? Um, that's a really outdated notion. I wore black to my cousin's wedding, and my cousin made a point to tell me I looked beautiful. Just let her wear what she wants, unless you want her to resent you right off the bat.
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  • Muffin'sMomMuffin'sMom
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    If it makes her feel comfortable, is it that important?  My question to those kinds of issues is, "is this the hill you are willing to die on?"  Will someone really confuse her dress with a tux?

    Relax...You are going to be related to this woman until she dies.  Start out being kind.
    My baby girl is a married woman...and now my baby girl HAS a baby girl. Time unfolds in such an amazing way. I've been blessed!
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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    The moms can wear whatever they want. They don't have to match or complement the wedding party or decor. 

    Are you afraid that someone will mistake a black cocktail dress or gown for mourning clothes? Black seems to be a popular color, around here, for weddings. I've seen bridesmaids, moms and guests in beautiful, black dresses.
                       
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  • RaptorSLHRaptorSLH member
    500 Comments First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    [QUOTE] I want her to have a color that compliments the colors I chose (plum, platinum, black, white), and suggested a wine or light burgandy color.  She asked me today if she could wear black....um NO! 
    Posted by KristenAnne88[/QUOTE]

    <div>Um YES!  Your FMIL - and any other guests not actually in the wedding party - can wear what they like.</div>
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  • ViczaesarViczaesar member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    You don't get to tell her what to wear.  Period.



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  • StephBeanWed61502StephBeanWed61502 member
    2500 Comments Third Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Also, if she's self-conscious about herself, wouldn't you want her to be extra comfortable on your wedding day, even if that means she chooses to wear black?  It seems like that would be the kindest thing.  (And, of course, ditto PPs on "you don't get to tell anyone who's not in the wedding party - and parents are not in the wedding party - what to wear.")
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  • Marrin713Marrin713 member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    She won't be mistaken for a tuxedo-clad groomsman.  I wear black to weddings - it's flattering.  Since she has body image issues maybe she feels she looks the best in black.  Rock your black dress FMIL :)
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  • djoann958djoann958 member
    Knottie Warrior 100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In years past, the MOB and MOG wore complimentary colors to each other and in a color that complimented the wedding party. Many MOB resources online and in books still adhere to this (I know, I am a recent MOB). But, that isn't the case in the "real world" of today's weddings. Both mothers get to wear what they want. Kristen, I would tell your FMIL to wear the dress she wants and she will look beautiful. The purpose of the boards are to help plan your wedding with good suggestions and ideas. I think some of the previous comments were a bit harsh, but th epoint remains the same...tell her to buy the dress, smile, look beautiful and you will start out your marriage on the good side of your FMIL.
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  • freebread03freebread03 member
    1000 Comments Fourth Anniversary 250 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    I am very offended when people wear black.
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  • heroeswearbrownheroeswearbrown member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I think telling her outright that she can't wear black is a little overboard, but maybe politely suggesting that you'd rather she wear another color. I know that the first thing my mom asked me what "what color do you want me to wear?" so I understand wanting them to coordinate. Maybe see about going shopping with her and finding a killer dress that she'd feel comfortable in and isn't black. Maybe if she finds a cut or style she likes, she won't be dead set on wearing black. :-)
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  • ViczaesarViczaesar member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_fmil-dress-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:2537c6ba-6429-46ec-95d7-82924b7a77cePost:09814e5a-2155-4dd6-b03b-87344a3fda0c">Re: FMIL dress</a>:
    [QUOTE]I am very offended when people wear black.
    Posted by freebread03[/QUOTE]
    Why?  And you might want to work on getting over that, because chances are a number of your guests are going to show up in black.



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  • RaptorSLHRaptorSLH member
    500 Comments First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_fmil-dress-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:2537c6ba-6429-46ec-95d7-82924b7a77cePost:09814e5a-2155-4dd6-b03b-87344a3fda0c">Re: FMIL dress</a>:
    [QUOTE]I am very offended when people wear black.
    Posted by freebread03[/QUOTE]

    <div>
    </div><div>Prepare to be offended a lot.  Of all the things that are worth getting "very offended" over, this shouldn't be one of them.</div>
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  • freebread03freebread03 member
    1000 Comments Fourth Anniversary 250 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    Oh goodness, I was totally being sarcastic, I thought that others would realize how ridiculous that sounds.  In fact, the majority of the dresses I own are black and I think I usually wear black at weddings.  Its timeless and simple, and good for most occasions.
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  • kmmssgkmmssg mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_fmil-dress-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:2537c6ba-6429-46ec-95d7-82924b7a77cePost:09814e5a-2155-4dd6-b03b-87344a3fda0c">Re: FMIL dress</a>:
    [QUOTE]I am very offended when people wear black.
    Posted by freebread03[/QUOTE]

    Why?  Black is perfectly acceptable to wear to any formal evening event...except if you are a MOB or MOG? 

    I understand (3 time MOB here) that in olden days the MOB or MOG wearing black meant they disapproved but those times are quite over.  That was also back in the day when the MOG was second class and HAD to compliment the MOG's dress.  I refused to coordinate with the MOG's because I thought it was disrespectul to them to expect them wait to until I had my dress.  Those days are gone.  I wore black to 2 of the 3 girls weddings and got compliments galore and my DH said the only time I looked more beautiful was at our wedding.

    OP - stop worrying about your pics more than your FMIL.  If she wants to wear black because she is self conscious then it really isn't your call.  Asking the mom's to wear certain colors is just rude.

    ETA - So sorry freebread.  I thought you were serious.
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  • Grits8812Grits8812 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    the moms dont need to compliment the wedding party.  my aunt wore a dark purple to my cousins wedding, which was a pale yellow and green.  so just let her wear what she wants. you wouldnt want someone telling you what you couldnt wear because it didnt "match" the wedding.  
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  • KristenAnne88KristenAnne88 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    What a bunch of snarky, judgemental people you are. )= Call me traditional and old fashioned, but black is not an appropriate color for a mother of the groom.  If she chooses to wear black because she feels most comfortable, I'm certainly not going to be the "troll" I have been called and tell her she cannot, I am simply trying to suggest other colors that are dark, but will still flatter her. 
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  • LittleMissCutiePieLittleMissCutiePie
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_fmil-dress-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:2537c6ba-6429-46ec-95d7-82924b7a77cePost:adbcd954-1138-4538-bb0e-2eec243ba89d">Re: FMIL dress</a>:
    [QUOTE]What a bunch of snarky, judgemental people you are. )= Call me traditional and old fashioned, but black is not an appropriate color for a mother of the groom.  If she chooses to wear black because she feels most comfortable, I'm certainly not going to be the "<strong>troll</strong>" I have been called and tell her she cannot, I am simply trying to suggest other colors that are dark, but will still flatter her. 
    Posted by KristenAnne88[/QUOTE]


    Let me clarify what a troll is. A troll is someone who comes onto these message boards, or any internet forum, and makes up posts that sound ridiculous to get people riled up and upset. I say troll not in the sense that you live under a bridge and wield a club, but that your post sounded ridiculous enough that I thought you were "trolling". I apologize for the misunderstanding. That said, don't come on these boards and expect everyone to agree with you. We don't know you, we just know the issue you're presenting, so we'll respond with how we see it at face value. It's not personal, so I advise not getting defensive.
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  • AdeleDazeemAdeleDazeem member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_fmil-dress-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:2537c6ba-6429-46ec-95d7-82924b7a77cePost:adbcd954-1138-4538-bb0e-2eec243ba89d">Re: FMIL dress</a>:
    [QUOTE]What a bunch of snarky, judgemental people you are. )= Call me traditional and old fashioned, but black is not an appropriate color for a mother of the groom.  If she chooses to wear black because she feels most comfortable, I'm certainly not going to be the "troll" I have been called and tell her she cannot, I am simply trying to suggest other colors that are dark, but will still flatter her. 
    Posted by KristenAnne88[/QUOTE]

    We're snarky and judgmental?  You told your future mother in law, the mother of your fiance, the future grandmother to your children and a woman you will be related to for the rest of your life how to dress herself for her son's wedding.

    She wants to be comfortable and happy.  Let her.  For god's sake - it's just black.  It's not like she's going to be wearing another wedding dress. 

    Let. it. go.

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  • renegade gauchorenegade gaucho member
    100 Comments Third Anniversary 25 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    If black is so inappropriate, why will the groom and all of his groomsmen be wearing it?  Are you going to pout if any of your male guests show up wearing black suits?
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  • jemmini6jemmini6 member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_fmil-dress-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:2537c6ba-6429-46ec-95d7-82924b7a77cePost:88cdc2c7-7ad0-4421-848e-63efa4bf7a52">Re: FMIL dress</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: FMIL dress : We're snarky and judgmental?  You told your future mother in law, the mother of your fiance, the future grandmother to your children and a woman you will be related to for the rest of your life how to dress herself for her son's wedding. She wants to be comfortable and happy.  Let her.  For god's sake - it's just black.  It's not like she's going to be wearing another wedding dress.  Let. it. go.
    Posted by Joy2611[/QUOTE]


    Exactly!  We aren't the judgemental ones here.  We were polite enough to not tell grown women how to dress when it's none of our damn business.  You are the one being snarky and judgemental towards your FMIL.

    Andplusalso, black is a very classic color and looks nice, even at weddings.  Both my mother and my mother in law wore black dresses to our wedding and they looked amazing. 

    You don't get to tell your FMIL what to wear.  End of story!
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  • jmgrizjmgriz
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    Black is traditionally taboo, but I think your MIL has a good reason for wanting to wear it. If it really bothers you, you can suggest another dark color...but it's important that she doesn't feel too self conscious and uncomfortable. My MIL informed me that she is wearing white...yes WHITE....and although it irritates me, I decided to take the high road and not say anything. She is the one who is going to make herself look bad.

    But by tradition, the mother of the bride chooses her dress first (and it is supposed to complement the bridal party colors) and the mother of the groom should complement her, both in color and in length. Not everyone follows that any more, but I'm surprised so many people have never heard of the old rules.

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