revamping a bridesmaid list?

Shoefly21 · August 2012

I got engaged over 3 years ago, and originally set a date in june 2010. We postponed our wedding, went through a few speedbumps, but have recently set a new date. Originally, I had asked 6 girls to be in my wedding party. Over the last few years though, I have grown apart from 2 of them. I see them only a few times a year, don't talk or text much, we've just kind of grown apart. One of the bridesmaids who I've now asked to be my maid of honor is still pretty good friends with them.

I am feeling like I don't really want them in the wedding party since we aren't close, but I feel like its sooo tacky to just not include them now. My only thought is that is a new date, and the lengthy time between makes it ok.

I'm not sure what to think! I don't want to be rude, or create any bad feelings. Advice?

NOLAbridealmost · August 2012

Read three posts below this one....the post was by a girl who was removed from a bridal party and how hurt she is.

It's a friendship ending move. If you're ready to end the friendship entirely, go right ahead.

J&K10910 · August 2012

I think I'd do it this way. Talk to them. Say something like "Hey, so I had asked you forever ago when we set our first if you'd be a BM. I'd be honored if you'd still like to stand up with me, but I know it's been awhile and things might have changed. Are you still interested?" They might say no, for whatever reason, and then you're good. Or they might say yes, and you should honor that, IMO.

Shoefly21 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_revamping-a-bridesmaid-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ee66012c-36dd-415e-a12d-52809e41a9d3Post:1176d78a-e55d-4b3f-80c6-aedc6e90ce33">Re: revamping a bridesmaid list?</a>:
[QUOTE]I think I'd do it this way. Talk to them. Say something like "Hey, so I had asked you forever ago when we set our first if you'd be a BM. I'd be honored if you'd still like to stand up with me, but I know it's been awhile and things might have changed. Are you still interested?" They might say no, for whatever reason, and then you're good. Or they might say yes, and you should honor that, IMO.
Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]

<div>I think that is a <em>Perfect </em>idea! Thanks! </div>

Ali092011 · August 2012

From what I've seen, if you canceled your wedding and started fresh a couple of years later, you're in the clear and do not have to include the same BP members. A postponement is a little trickier. I'd err on the side of caution and do what J said.

achiduck · August 2012

I was in a similar situation a few years ago except I was the BM. My friend had been engaged for, like 5 years and had asked me to be a BM right away. Then the wedding got postponed over and over again, and when she told me she was getting married (for real) I didn't say anything about being a BM and neither did she. We had lost touch for a year or so due to distance and I didn't expect to still be in the wedding. It wasn't a big deal for me, we've become close again since her wedding and she'll be a reader in my wedding.

I like J&K's advice, I'd ask them how they feel about it and be prepared to include them if they still want to be in the wedding.

Loopyseven · August 2012

J&K is so wise

. That's a great way to handle it.

stantokm · August 2012

I was in a situation where I was asked to be a friend's MOH...fast-forward 2-3 years when they actually got married, I never even got an invitation. We had drifted apart (a lot due to distance), but I thought that we were still close enough to be invited so I was a little hurt. I wasn't hurt or surprised that I was no longer a bridesmaid.

revamping a bridesmaid list?

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