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April 2013 Weddings

Can I just curl up and cry? You know, instead of planning this wedding.

So we hashed out a budget and decided to have a small wedding so we could stay in our budget and still have a great wedding for the people we care about. We are paying for this wedding ourselves with a little help from our families, but not much. Today, the future hubby told his mom our plan. He said she "went from zero to tears in about a half a second." Now we have to invite all these people that we don't even really want there. I know this is OUR wedding and we should do what we want, but I can't say no to the future mother in law. I think I might just cry. Our wedding is over a year away and I'm already feeling like I just want to elope with the fiance. Is anyone else dealing with this? I'm sure someone is. 

Re: Can I just curl up and cry? You know, instead of planning this wedding.

  • I am kind of in the same position as you, except I am the one who has a very large family/family friends and they will all be invited.

    But ultimately *I* want these people there too, not just my parents.

    What our issue is the room size. We have enough people to cover the grand ballroom if they ALL come. If they don't, it is another $$ per head until we reach the minimum capacity. If we choose the smaller room, and they all show up, it will be very crowded, and cramped. I used to work at our reception hall so I totally can see this happening. But in the end it will be cheaper to stay with the smaller room and not worry about the head count.

    I got lucky because my parents actually went to a wedding back in October and they had the whole ballroom. they had over 350 guests and my dad said that was even crowded for him. He wants us to get the full room and will pay the extra money per head if we don't reach our minimum.

    Sit down with your FI and see where you will be compromising to allow for these extra guests your FMIL wants. Then show her what YOU will be giving up in order to accomodate them. Not in a way to make her feel bad, but just sit down with her and show her the revised plan. Say something like "oh it sucks I can't get this because now we have added the extra guests to our list". Maybe she will realize she doesn't need to invite the neighbor who babysat your FI that one time when he was little, and she will shorten her must haves.

    I hope this makes sense lol, I am sorry if I am confusing. But good luck!
  • aw this is such a tough situation!!!  I agree with PP. Sit down with your FI and decide if you will be adding the guests to your lists. Did you pick a venue yet? Something to think about it you do decide to add those guests are to have your wedding on a Friday or Sunday. Another way to cut costs include having a buffet and doing beer and wine rather then top shelf. HTH!  
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  • Oh another thing to bring up to your FMIL... just adding the guests doesn't only increase your headcount, you have to add in extra favors, place cards, invitations, stamps, chair covers or whatever you guys plan on doing.  I don't mean to say this to stress you out more, but it is something to be considered.
  • could you maybe give her the option to say if you want to add guests you need to pay for it? 

    with my fi's family that is what we did. We cant afford to pay for his parents guests so we said we are open to them coming as long as you pay for all that comes with that. iis that a comprimise?
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  • I don't have much advice, but I do have sympathy.  Our guest list is now far larger than we wanted, and we're thinking we may have to cut some friends out in order to make room for the cousins and such that we have to invite for ettiquette reasons.  It REALLY sucks and I'm having a minor breakdown about it at the moment.  I actually said to my FI last night "should we just screw this and elope?"  I know we won't but...ugh...I really do feel your pain.
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  • I know how you feel. My FI has a HUGE family! We decided on a small wedding, then we went to visit his mother and she started giving off all these names of people who had to be there from their family. Needless to say I had a huge panic attack and ended up offending her. My FI was very understanding. Here we were planning a small wedding capping it at 80 to capping it now at 130. My FI and I are also on a tight budget and are planning on paying for this ourselves. Thankfully his mother has offered to help pay because the majority of the people there are her family. I would talk to your FI and then talk to your FMIL about YOUR plans for YOUR wedding. Remind her that it is what the two of you want, not what she wants.

  • You guys are super supportive and helpful and you rock. FI is just really upset about it still and FMIL is upset still too. As FI puts it, 'Its an issue between me and my mother, so just don't worry about it.' I think we should compromise with her and just tell her if she wants the extra guests, we're going to need help.
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