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Inviting People to Multiple Showers

shannonleigh09shannonleigh09 member
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in Pre-wedding Parties
I'm getting married in February and I'm having 2 showers. The first is a Couples Shower (coming up soon) and the second is a traditional Bridal Shower (being given closer to the wedding). My fiancee and I have the same circle of friends (thats how we met) and we are inviting them to the couples shower as well as close co-workers  and a few family members (mostly his since mine will come to the bridal shower). Is it ok if I invite "the couple" to the couples shower and then invite "the girl" to my bridal shower? or is it tacky? I don't expect the repeats to give gifts at both parties and I'm only considering doing this with very close friends who I really want to attend both and obviously my bridesmaids and our moms. Also, because we have mutual friends its harder to divide because my fiancee may be close to the guy and wants him to be at the couples shower but I'm close to the girl and want her to be at my bridal shower but I also don't want anyone thinking I'm a greedy bridezilla! I'm confused and need help.
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Re: Inviting People to Multiple Showers

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    lilcasserslilcassers member
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    edited December 2011
    That is okay and I think that makes total sense! Guys don't get offended by that stuff and where i'm from guys don't even go to showers. They will honestly be happy that they don't have to go to 2 showers.
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    lilcasserslilcassers member
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    edited December 2011
    I'm sorry i'm just waking up and realized that you issue isn't about who to invite, it's about you feeling greedy.

    Who is throwing these showers for you? I don't understand the need for 2. Guys really don't need to be involved. Unless someone is insisting in having 2 for you, I would only have the bridal shower but just have your fiance there for that one to help open gifts and thank the ladies. That is what I am doing.

    My FMIL wants to have a second one for me, but I feel weird doing it. I too don't want my friends to attend both and feel that hhave to give at both. I just don't understand the over "hooplah" in having more than one shower. I honesrly think my FMIL just wants to do it because she feel left out that my mom is throwing mine. Who knows..
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    trix1223trix1223 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I'd decline one or the other.  I'm going to be completely honest and say that I would be offended and find it very "gift-grabby" to be invited to TWO showers, and then also be expected to give a gift for the wedding.  The only people who should overlap at showers are the WP and the moms.

    And just for future reference, you don't have a fiancee.  You have a fiance.  You're the fiancee in the relationship.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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    banana468banana468 member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Moms and BMs should be invited to all showers as a courtesy but the hostesses should not overlap the guest list.

    We had a couple's shower and I had a ladies only shower.  Aside from moms, BMs one aunt and my grandmother, the guest lists did not overlap at all.  To do so would not be appropriate.
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    Miss_SophiaMiss_Sophia member
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    edited December 2011
    Ugh, I hate thinking about my showers. It was a mess because my BMs hosted a shower for me where I invited friends and a few family members who are in town. I knew my aunts from out of town were going to throw me one the Thursday before my wedding and that's when a lot of my mom's family members will go but now my FSIL is throwing me one.....

    Granted the shower thrown by my FSIL will have a lot of FI's family but when she asked for a guest list I felt dumbfounded. I didn't want to overlap but unfortunately it couldn't be avoided with my intown aunts, my grandmother and of course my mom. I put my BMs down too but I told them they by no means have to come if they can't and by no means did they need to get me another gift.

    But definitely, I understand the issue multiple showers can cause, what a pain!
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    quotequeenquotequeen member
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    edited December 2011
    It is not appropriate to invite anybody other than immediate family and WP to more than one shower.
    Married 10/2/10
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    shannonleigh09shannonleigh09 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thanks so much for all the advice! I really appreciate it! What I'll do is go over the guest lists for both showers with my fiance and my mom and decide who will be invited to each shower. Wish me luck!
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    smebananasmebanana
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I have been invited to mulitple showers for other people and I was never offended.  The bride is usually not the person who decides who is invited to what shower and if they do, it's still up to the hostess to decide who to invite and who to not invite. 

    I ran into this problem because my FI's family and my family both wanted to throw a shower and my MOH already had plans/location booked for a shower she was planning.  I just had only my family plus MOG invited to my family's shower, and vice-versa for the shower his family put together for me and everyone was invited to the shower my MOH threw.  I felt soooo guilty for having people be invited to multiple showers, but from what my friends and family told me, it worked out great because they had the option to attend one or the other or even both if they really wanted.  And of course since everyone invited to my shower knows me, they know me well enough that I'm not looking for gifts and certainly do not expect any gifts if they come to one shower or both.  If people do get offended, I think it's just silly and they need to lighten up.  It's the Bride's time and if anything, I think any bride is just looking to have people around her share her joy--at least I am!
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