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October 2012 Weddings
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Invitation Wording!!

JodLynn5JodLynn5
10 Comments
in October 2012 Weddings

Alright, so my FI parents are footing most of the bill for the wedding. They do not want to include my mother’s name on the invitation. My FI parents are adamant about this and will not budge. Any suggestions for how to rectify this situation? I am at a loss here. My mother is also stating now that my family doesn’t want to come to the shower that my FI mother is hosting. 124 days to go and I am ready for it to just be over, the fun is no longer there in the planning. HELP!!!!

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Re: Invitation Wording!!

  • mrshall1027mrshall1027
    1000 Comments Second Anniversary
    Is your mother contributing to the wedding as well?  If so, she also needs to be on the invitation.  It's wrong of your FI parents if they don't want her on the invitation if she is also contributing, regardless of who is paying more.

    Can you have a heart to heart with FI parents and tell them how it's hurting you and FI?  Try not to get angry or upset and show them how much it will effect the relationships between your families and you don't want to start your marriage like that.  I mean, it's just an invitation and it the grand scheme of things, really not that important.

    Good luck!
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  • LDubHawksFanLDubHawksFan member
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    Is your mom contributing at all, or are you two picking up the remainder of the tab?  If so, then your FIL can't dictate that her name isn't on the invites at all.  If she isn't contributing, I would go ahead and only have their names on, and use the program to honor your mom, if you so desire.  If you really do want your mom's name on it, and are paying for a significant portion too, you are within your right to stand up to your FIL's and say it's important to you.  Sorry, I couldn't really tell where you stand with the situation.
    Does your family not want to go to the FMIL's shower because of the invite wording?  They aren't required to go, and if they really want to have a showdown, then they can either host a shower themselves, or not attend.  It's unfortunate that they are sticking you in the middle of this though. 

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  • BrittneyRNBrittneyRN
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    Why don't you and FI pay for the invites? That way you can do them however you'd like.
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  • JodLynn5JodLynn5
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    Well no my mother is not really paying for any of the wedding besides my attire. We have suggesting paying for the invites ourselves and we will do that but it doesent change the fact they are hosting and to do that and change the wording would mean we are going behind their back, which will also not fair well. It is a terrible situation and I am just not sure what to do.
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  • snuff9861snuff9861 member
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    "Together with their families"? It's diplomatic, and people can assume away as to who is hosting.
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  • JodLynn5JodLynn5
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    I have also suggested to my mother that we include her on the rehearsal dinner invites and that is not enough for her. Both sides are being stubborn and yes I am caught in the middle and it is causing a huge rift in everything at this point I don't even want to pick out our invites.

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  • cbear215cbear215 member
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    Does your mom really want her name on the invitation?  Do you?  I think technically your FI's parents are right --the name of the hosts belong on the invitation.  I would suggest either honoring her in the program or maybe wording your invitations to say "together with their parents" or "together with their families."

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  • LDubHawksFanLDubHawksFan member
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    I can't believe that both are being so stubborn!  I'm so lucky that my FI parents are contributing a lot, but also letting us do what we'd like.  Last night I asked if they liked our wording and FMIL was like, yeah it's great!

    I'm sorry you are dealing with this.  If your mom is contributing for the dress (this is the same with my mom, all she could really afford), then she is still contributing.  I second the vote for "together with their families".  It is PC and shouldn't sting anyone involved.  Again, if you guys are spending your own money on it too, you get a considerable say.  I think you should stick to your guns if you really do want your mom listed.  I just hope FILs come around.  It might be good to have FI talk to them too and explain why you would like to have the other wording and that it means a lot to him and you.

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  • JodLynn5JodLynn5
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    There has been two discussions with the FILS and thy are still sticking to thier guns. I honestly do not care either way at this point, sure I want to stick up for my mother but not to the point of adding so much stress to myself. My FILS pretty much want everyone to know they are hosting and they have hosted two weddings one is my FSIL who is getting married this July and her's were worded the same way. They will not be happy with the wording as my FI and i together with their families hosting they want it to be known they are hosting. At this point it is like I just have to roll over and just let the FIL do go ahead with it. My FI is now on his parents side as well because my family is being so crazy as to not come to by shower that is being hosted by the FMIL because of this.

    lwoehlk you are very lucky to be able to have your say on the majority.

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  • LDubHawksFanLDubHawksFan member
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    I know I'm lucky!  FMIL has some things that drive me nuts, but by in large, it's been pretty good.

    It sounds like you are over it and if your FI is on their side, I would just stick to their wording, honor your mom in the program, and let your family be childish and not attend the shower.  It's unfortunate, but they are adults but are acting like children putting you in a tough position.  Sorry!!

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