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Military Brides
runningjo916
member
getting married early in order to buy a house
Me and my fiancee are getting married by the courts in a few weeks, and by the church next summer. The reason why we are getting married early is in order to get a VA loan for a house that we really really want. It is our dream to be homeowners. I want this to happen however part of me doesnt want to regret jumping the gun and on my wedding day not being about to think " I'm getting married today". Instead I will think " I'm getting married today, oh wait....I'm already married". Its really hard to determine which one I want more. I kind of want the house more....but on my wedding day I might regret it. So confused!!
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Re: getting married early in order to buy a house
[QUOTE]Me and my fiancee are getting married by the courts in a few weeks, and by the church next summer. The reason why we are getting married early is in order to get a VA loan for a house that we really really want. It is our dream to be homeowners. I want this to happen however part of me doesnt want to regret jumping the gun and on my wedding day not being about to think " I'm getting married today". Instead I will think " I'm getting married today, oh wait....I'm already married". Its really hard to determine which one I want more. I kind of want the house more....but on my wedding day I might regret it. So confused!!
Posted by runningjo916[/QUOTE]
<div>That's a decision only you and your FI can make. Personally I only wanted 1 wedding day, because to me that's all there should be. And houses come around all the time, so to me it definitely wouldn't be worth it. </div><div>
</div><div>If you do decide to do a JOP to buy the house, be open and honest with your family and friends and let them know you're already married and they will be attending a religious ceremony/vow renewal. </div>
Beach is right... Houses come and go... Your wedding day, is supposed to be forever.
[QUOTE]<strong>Me and my fiancee are getting married by the courts in a few weeks, and by the church next summer</strong>. The reason why we are getting married early is in order to get a VA loan for a house that we really really want. It is our dream to be homeowners. I want this to happen however part of me doesnt want to regret jumping the gun and on my wedding day not being about to think " I'm getting married today". Instead I will think " I'm getting married today, oh wait....I'm already married". Its really hard to determine which one I want more. I kind of want the house more....but on my wedding day I might regret it. So confused!!
Posted by runningjo916[/QUOTE]
You will only be getting married once. You will only have one wedding day and that day is the day you exchange vows, sign the papers, and commit yourselves to one another. Like dnbeach said, you need to be completely honest with friends and family about your plans. Don't try to "trick" them into attending a "wedding" next summer, because that is not what it will be. If it means a lot to you to have your big, white, traditional wedding, then you should consider waiting. You can't have your cake and eat too, know what I mean? Marriage should be about one thing: love. Not a material object like a house. Are your current living arrangements such that you cannot wait 1 more year? You will have the rest of your lives to be homeowners..and being a homeowner is more than having your dream house, there are a lot of responsibilities and stress that come along with being homeowners. What is more important to you? A house or a wedding day? That is what you need to really think about and decide on before you make such a big decision. Good luck!
[QUOTE]All I have to add is that if your FI is AD, why would you want to rush to purchase a home if you are going to be moving so much? It may be your dream house, but then the military moves you and you will have to sell your dream house and move again... its better not to get so attached until he is done serving. Just MHO, I think you are setting yourself up for a lot of disappointment.
Posted by shan87[/QUOTE]
Yeah we see people all the time who buy houses and then have a such a headache with renting or selling in a downmarket. I really, really don't understand buying a house while on AD!
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: getting married early in order to buy a house : Yeah we see people all the time who buy houses and then have a such a headache with renting or selling in a downmarket.<strong> I really, really don't understand buying a house while on AD!</strong>
Posted by LuluP82[/QUOTE]
Totally agree!
However, I have several friends that did a JOP wedding to save money and then went on to have a church ceremony. In two cases no one knew but themselves and a few close friends. To me, no one should be passing judgement on you. This is between you and your fiance because ultimately the love you share is constant and you do not have to own up or explain yourselves to anyone. it is my experience that on these boards many military wives hold bitterness to women who want to go ahead and go to the JOP. This may have to do with the fact that some were not able to have a larger church wedding.
So all I am saying is to do what's best for you but to not let anyone make you feel ashamed either.
[QUOTE]As most everyone has said this is a decision between you and your fiance. It sounds l ike you are pretty unsure and if you feel like you are going to regret having a JOP wedding followed by a church ceremony then don't do it. However, I have several friends that did a JOP wedding to save money and then went on to have a church ceremony. In two cases no one knew but themselves and a few close friends. To me, no one should be passing judgement on you. This is between you and your fiance because ultimately the love you share is constant and you do not have to own up or explain yourselves to anyone. <strong>it is my experience that on these boards many military wives hold bitterness to women who want to go ahead and go to the JOP.</strong> <strong>This may have to do with the fact that some were not able to have a larger church wedding.</strong> So all I am saying is to do what's best for you but to not let anyone make you feel ashamed either.
Posted by Bumgardner[/QUOTE]
Most of the people that get up in arms about a JOP plus a church ceremony later did not have a JOP. This has nothing to do with what they could or could not have. Really, what they want is for the girls making this decision not to regret it later and also to be honest with their guests.
I'm not bitter about anything. I HATE when couples JOP and then lie about it. I'm pretty sure thats what most of us have an issue with. You are only getting married once. Renew your vows every other day for all I care, but you're already married. Guests deserve to know that they are going to a VR and not a wedding. I just recently had a good friend get married to AD AF in a JOP ceremony because thats what they wanted. I think that alot of couples jump into a JOP because they think thats the only way to "get what they want" be that more money, a house, a car, whatever. The raise in pay is not even that significant. I also think alot of brides feel pressured into a JOP ceremony by deployments, or orders or whatever, and then regret it later and so they blame H, or the military, when in reality no one forced them into a JOP, they chose that for thier wedding day and they have to live with that. I know that almost every little girl dreams of her wedding day, but you can plan a really nice wedding day with 5 weeks or 5 months.
OP, I don't understand why you feel you have to JOP right now in order to buy a house. Granted, I've never bought a house, but it just seems to me like if you're getting married by the church in a few months, why not wait on the house till your wedding day and then look into the house. What if you JOP to get this house, and then something falls through? Are you going to regret getting married in a JOP ceremony? My guess is probably.
[QUOTE]LOL wow everyone is so against going to the courthouse! We actually were engaged for 2 weeks then married in the courthouse after the USMC Birthday Ball. We didn't do it to buy a house or anything, <strong>just seemed like something fun to do at the time :-) Well getting him out of the barracks was def a plus!</strong> We're having our big family wedding (or vow renewal) over the 4th of July 96. Do whatever you want to do. I don't think it really hit either of us that we were getting married until the judge said we could kiss! hahah we actually screwed up the ceremony part...I really wish we had gotten it all on video but we didn't have anyone with us.
Posted by iluvmy0341[/QUOTE]
No one is against the courthouse. They are against lying about the courthouse. I did a JOP as my ONLY ceremony because DH and I do not like "big to-dos" when it comes to anything. We're very low key.
The bolded concerns be a bit. You really had your JOP because it seemed like fun and getting him out of the barracks was such a good idea? There are other ways to get out of the barracks and typically people get married because they love eachother not because it will be fun.
[QUOTE]None of us are against JOP marriages, as long as people take them seriously for what they are. Marriages. Not just signing paper. Not just making more $$. But marriage. And we don't condone dishonesty.
Posted by WishIcouldbeinthe'stan[/QUOTE]
This. All this. Why does every little princess think we're just here to be bitter old hags? Is this truly an awful thing to disapprove of? Since when is it a good thing to start off your marriage by lying to everyone you know, abusing the system to get financial benefits rather than waiting and paying for your own sh*t in the meantime like every other non-military adult in the country? Since when is it a bad thing to say, "You should get married for the sake of getting married, in whatever way you want to get married, with two stipulations - do it simply because you want to get married, and don't lie to anyone about it."
Crazy children.
iluvmy...
I read another post of yours and am suprised you don't agree with everyone who is saying "don't lie to your guests if you are already married". I believe you have personal experience with your family being angry with you about this.