FMIL wants to know where we are staying... why?! (rant too)

Re: FMIL wants to know where we are staying... why?! (rant too)

• banana468 member

  

  October 2011 edited December 2011

  DH needs to say, "Mom, we're not sure where we'll be staying.  Because things are going to be so crazy, we know we're going to want to be in a private place for those two nights.  When we've made a decision, we'll let you know."

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• AdeleDazeem member

  

  October 2011 edited December 2011

  I'm a little confused - is your mother in law paying for your hotel room the night of the wedding?  If so - she wants to know so she can reserve it.  I don't think that's so outrageous. 
  
  If she's not paying for your hotel and really has nothing to do with it, just tell her that you'll let her know when you decide - then change the subject.
  
  I'm sure she just wants to be at the right hotel and in the know about the plans.  Don't take it so personally.  Or, just make a decision and be done with it.  That'll get her off your back.
  
  I also stayed with my husband the night before the wedding - we hung out together until about four hours before the wedding.  Nothing wrong with that :-)

  
  

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• jmconley08 member

  

  October 2011 edited December 2011

  Thanks ladies.
  
  FMIL did say she could pay but she was saying she would if we stayed at particular hotel that she picked and being with family. She also wants to hang out night before the wedding (isnt that what rehearsal dinner is for?) and I know I'll really want my sleep! Ya know? Kind if a big day the next day haha
  
  But yea, I'll just have him talk to her. I want to be nice about it but we do need somewhere private. Thanks again!!

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• MairePoppy mod

  

  October 2011 edited December 2011

  In that case, your fi should tell his mom thanks, but no thanks. He can let her know that he appreciates her offer, but the two of you have decided to stay at a different hotel for the sake of privacy.

                     

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• Maggie0829 member

  

  October 2011 edited December 2011

  I think you are being a little over dramatic about this.  It is only a hotel room.  I don't think it is too unreasonable for the MOG to want to see her son (the Groom) the day before and of the wedding...her son is getting married after all...kind of a big deal.
  
  As for privacy...you say goodnight, go to your room, place the "Do not disturb" sign on the handle, lock the door, and bing, bang boom, privacy.
  
  I think in reality she may just want to get the hotel rooms booked before things get sold out...this is not her being crazy just prepared and organized.
  
  I say, just make a decision as to whether or not you want her to pay for your room and let your FI handle the rest.

  
  

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• Jennifer&Nate

  

  October 2011 edited December 2011

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_fmil-wants-staying-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:de6a1a5d-bb59-45a8-a495-c975fb895c93Post:f1cc578b-1ec5-44fc-bea3-18f04b15aaf8">Re: FMIL wants to know where we are staying... why?! (rant too)</a>:
  [QUOTE]I think you are being a little over dramatic about this.  It is only a hotel room.  I don't think it is too unreasonable for the MOG to want to see her son (the Groom) the day before and of the wedding...her son is getting married after all...kind of a big deal. As for privacy...you say goodnight, go to your room, place the "Do not disturb" sign on the handle, lock the door, and bing, bang boom, privacy. I think in reality she may just want to get the hotel rooms booked before things get sold out...this is not her being crazy just prepared and organized. I say, just make a decision as to whether or not you want her to pay for your room and let your FI handle the rest.
  Posted by Maggie0829[/QUOTE]
  
  I agree with this. Unless there's some other drama you're not telling us, it seems like you're getting awfully worked up over her asking you about a hotel room twice. And I think she's only asking because instead of saying turning down her offer and saying that you'd be taking care of it, you said you didn't know what you were doing yet. Have your fiance be straightforward with her and see if she backs off after that.

  

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• jmconley08 member

  

  October 2011 edited December 2011

  It's annoying having people try to dictate things about the wedding i.e. where we'll be staying. That is my basic point. And shes veryyy overprotective which i also mentioned so I have a feeling she'll be like checking in the night before even if we have a "do not disturb" sign.
  
  Also, I don't think its unreasonable at all for her to want to see him, like I said, I will be with my mom/friends. But why does that mean she has to see him in our hotel room or know where it is? Thanks for all the input! 

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• Maggie0829 member

  

  October 2011 edited December 2011

  Has she come right out and said that she wants to congregate in your hotel room?  If she knows where your hotel room is, will she sneak in there in the middle of the night and climb into bed with the two of you?  I doubt it and if she does she really needs to seek professional help.
  
  I don't think she is trying to dictate anything.  She is trying to reserve rooms for her guests and for you and your FI (since she has offered to pay for it).  Since she is paying for it she has a say as to which hotel you will be staying in.  She is being nice by letting you decide which hotel from her list to choose from...some girls on here don't even get any say.
  
  This is really something you should not be getting so worked up over.  You also have to realize that her behavior is not going to change once you and your FI get married.  As long as your FI backs you up with the big things (and this really isn't one of them) then that is all that matters.

  
  

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• graysquirrel member

  

  October 2011 edited December 2011

  I can understand your point, OP. I would not want to stay at the same hotel as all of the wedding guests and his family, either. It is your wedding night and you probably want some privacy without the expectation of being extra social. Weddings can be stressful and you will need some time to be alone together and unwind.
  
  I agree with pps that if she just wants to pay for your room, it is ok to let her know. But if she thinks that you need to stay at the same hotel as everyone else, I think it is a little much. Simply decline her offer and say that you would really like to select the hotel on your own. If she goes ahead and books, then you will know which hotel to avoid.

  

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• jmconley08 member

  

  October 2011 edited December 2011

  Thanks for the suggestions everyone. We basically just need privacy and will probs say thanks but no thanks. For someone to have no say in where they stay on their wedding night is rediculous! Idk why some people have to be suchhh B's on here but I do appreciate advice from the rest of you lovelies!

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• Aiobheann member

  

  October 2011 edited December 2011

  Have FI tell her that he'll take care of your room accamodations (I spelt that wrong) when you two decid where you'll be staying. We stayed in same hotel as our guest, but we told hotel to keep all guests and family on the other side of the complex, no exceptions (we had a block and got to choose their rooms). All but one set of guests were far far away from us and didn't even now where we were-it was great! 

  

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• Jennifer&Nate

  

  October 2011 edited December 2011

  People can be Bs on here but I don't think anyone was in this thread... :-/

  

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• Maggie0829 member

  

  October 2011 edited December 2011

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_fmil-wants-staying-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:de6a1a5d-bb59-45a8-a495-c975fb895c93Post:7232b761-ca28-425a-b493-ff5118152e05">Re: FMIL wants to know where we are staying... why?! (rant too)</a>:
  [QUOTE]People can be Bs on here but I don't think anyone was in this thread... :-/
  Posted by Jennifer&Nate[/QUOTE]
  
  I don't believe anyone was being a B on here either...I know that I wasn't.
  
  Would this be such an issue if it was your Mom getting the room?
  
  My H and I stayed at the same hotel as my parents and their friends from out of town.  We were all on different floors (not by choice just what rooms they had available).  The night of the wedding my H and I went back to our room where he proceeded to fall on the bed and pass out.  I went up to my parents friends room where they were all hanging out and eating snacks and talked with them for awhile.  After checking on H (still passed out), I grabbed a cab with some of the groomsmen and met up with a group of friends at a local bar (we were all still in our wedding garb too).  Everyone had a blast.  Our privacy was never once disturbed by anyone because we (or should I say I) were so wound up after the wedding we didn't want the party to end...if my H was awake he would have gone out too.
  
  Overthinking the room and who should or should not know where you are staying is a waste of energy.  You will hardly be in your room anyway so I really don't see the big deal.

  
  

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• Mae0606

  

  October 2011 edited December 2011

  Whether or not people are in the same hotel as you, they understand that you want your privacy. Could it be possible that she would like to send a gift to your room the night before? Or decorate it? A lot of families I know have done this- even just sending a simple champagne bottle for the couple to enjoy. Alas, they needed to know where they were staying.

  
  

  She is not being unreasonable, just trying to be prepared. She was probably just suggesting places she was looking at for guests to stay, and the fact she offered to pay for it was very generous (overprotective or not).

  
  

  And to be honest, I have to agree with PP, not really any Bs on this post, just people who seem to disagree with you or are wondering if there is more behind the story.

  

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• jmconley08 member

  

  October 2011 edited December 2011

  Some people understand the concept of privacy and personal space and some don't. Also, they have already figured out where they are staying. I gave 3 suggestions and they found some other places they liked better. Fine. I just want space and privacy the night before and after the wedding and am mostly concerned about that. Also, I do not like to be told how to do things, especially with my own wedding. Thanks for all the advice/concern.  

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