Would it bother you if FMIL did this??

shael1970 · October 2011

Before our engagement, FMIL made many comments that were anti-marriage. After engagement she has made many unsupportive comments about us getting married as well. Finally, she apologized to me and said she didn't know why she acted so upset about the wedding as she really was happy about it. That was a couple months ago. A couple DAYS ago she came to our house and proudly showed my fiance the new ring she bought for herself....a smaller/cheaper version of my engagement ring. I have been told by many that my ring design is pretty distinctive looking so I'm finding hard to believe she "forgot" what it looked like when she picked her's out. She is also a widow and is wearing this ring on her left hand. I am not sure what to think....my first reaction was to tell her it was CREEPY. Any thoughts??

waltzingmatilda13 · October 2011

Just smile and say "that's nice".

FTR, I've seen plenty of divorced, widowed, never-married women wear rings on their left hand. It doesn't necessarily have to signify anything.

sarahk915 · October 2011

It sounds to me like she's worried about "losing" her son. I can see getting upset about the unsupportive comments, but at least she realized it and apologized to you.
I don't really see the big deal about the ring...and it definitely isn't creepy to me...so, she likes your ring and decides to buy herself a similar one. Did she tell you she "forgot" what yours looked like? I also don't think it matters what hand/finger she wears a ring on. So, I guess my answer to your question is no, it wouldn't bother me.

Maggie0829 · October 2011

I really wouldn't let this bother you. Like a PP said, she is probably just afraid of losing her son, especially since she is widowed. Just smile, say it is lovely and move on.

kaitlyn&henry · October 2011

It is a bit creepy but dont let it bother you...I think you may be reading into a bit too much. Just remember, weddings always tend to bring out the crazy in people...lol so just brush it off and enjoy getting married

CowgirlK39 · October 2011

That is weird, but sounds like an attention grab from her. I also agree with the whole "losing her son" thing, especially if he is the only son she had (if thats the case). I don't agree with the finger of choice, but what it boils down to is you just have to smile and nod. Nothing you can say will HELP the situ. What does your FI think?

tldh · October 2011

I'd ignore it. How often are you going to be seen together? I'm going to guess, not that often. When she's asked about it, she'll have to come up with an explanation. Whatever her reason, once she has to say "I bought this for myself because it's like my DIL's e-ring (or whatever her reason is)" to a few people, she'll realize just how pathetic or AWish she's being.

MairePoppy · October 2011

I think you're reading too much into this. She liked your ring and bought one similar to for herself. NBD.

Now, if she starts dressing like you, get the same hairstyle/color, and tries to take over your home - that would be creepy.

reagane02 · October 2011

I would find it odd myself. However, I agree with many things that have already been said. She might be worried about losing her son -- I've gone through that myself with my FMIL -- and that's why she made some of the comments, but at least she has apologized. Buying a matching ring could be interpreted in different ways, but don't waste time or stress over it. Just make your wedding what you want it to be.

BinxRose · October 2011

I think it's weird that she bought a similar ring, and I would be a little creeped out.

jmconley08 · October 2011

shes a weirdo.

slpankuch · October 2011

It is really strange but to keep the peace I would ignore it.
Plus just think, everyone will want to see your ring at the wedding. Not hers!
No one will notice hers so no biggie. Although that is pretty weird.

jemmini6 · October 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_would-bother-fmil-did-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:1ca81bf1-cd26-4351-80af-fbce1bbd3f1fPost:8d1c8782-ebe6-4b7d-9799-03e3f7658f38">Re: Would it bother you if FMIL did this??</a>:
[QUOTE]I think you're reading too much into this. She liked your ring and bought one similar to for herself. NBD. Now, if she starts dressing like you, get the same hairstyle/color, and tries to take over your home - that would be creepy.
Posted by MairePoppy[/QUOTE]

This. The ring itself isn't creepy and you are probably reading too much into it. But if things start escallating, then yeah, you could be concerned.

ElisabethJoanne · October 2011

I'm with the consensus. Whatever you think, you should react to her purchase the way you'd react to any girl's/woman's purchase of an accessory: "Oh, how pretty! Where'd you get it?" that kind of thing.

She sounds high-strung but like she's now trying to direct her energy towards celebrating your marriage. Be glad of that.

Meghannsix · October 2011

I think it's a bit creepy, but don't let it get to you. Just smile and talk about how great minds think alike, then change the subject. She probably is down about "losing" her son, and maybe she misses her husband. Maybe ask her if there was a song or poem FI's father really liked that you could include in the ceremony? Might win you some brownie points and get her to settle down.

Would it bother you if FMIL did this??

Re: Would it bother you if FMIL did this??

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