REALLY need some advice!

afink986 · December 2011

My fiance & I really want a small intimate ceremony. We would love to get married on the beach in Antigua but this is no longer an option because my grandmother isn't able to travel. It's very important to me that my grandmother be there when I get married. My mother just passed away very suddenly, so it is even more imortant to have my grandmother share this special day. We are set on a destination wedding though. I live in Michigan (Detroit area) & was considering a vineyard ceremony or somewhere along Lake Michigan. However, no matter what I plan no one is happy! We want only immediate family & some close friends to attend. I' m afraid of offending people who won't be invited. Everything is gettng too stressful. There are some days I just want to have our little beach wedding in Antigua with just the two of us but then I'll be letting down my family because I know they want to be there as well. If we did this, we would tell our family beforehand & give them the option to attend (there would be only about 8 to 10 guests). We have included a couple close friends who have said they would for sure go with us. We were thinking of Jumby Bay or Sandlas Grand Antigua. Then when we return we would have a little party with some family & friends (NOT a reception, no gifts, etc) to celebrate & show photos & such. I'm just so torn on what to do. Has anyone gotten married at Jumby Bay or Sandals Grand Antigua? I'd like to know about your expereince. It would break my heart not to have my grandmother there on our wedding day but she has said she just wants me to be happy. I had thought that doing a vineyard wedding up north would be a good compromise but my grandmother doesn't want to travel in any way, even if it is only a couple hours. She just wants us to get married by JOP. I just feel like no matter what I decide no one will be happy. If I do the JOP I'll be disappointed. If I have my dream beach wedding in Antigua, my family will be unhappy. They are not too keen on the vineyard idea either. Has anyone had a destination wedding or "ran off" & gotten married either just the 2 of you or only with a couple close friends, even though your family wasn't too happy with that idea? Did you regret it later? I had even thought of exchanging vows twice. Once here with an officiant (nothing big, just the two of us, my grandmother & a few other immediate family members somewhere private then a nice dinner afterwards) and also in Antigua we could have our intimate ceremony just the two of us (not sure if I would do the beach ceremony first or the one here w/ grandma) but he says he doesn't want to say "I do" twice lol. I would really appreciate any advice! I feel like no matter what i choose I will disapoint someone. Sorry this is SO long! I'm just very stressed out over this. PS: I didn't mention this but my fiance & I are paying for our own wedding & if we did the vineyard, they also have a B&B on site so we would all stay for the weekend. We've been looking at places within our budget & that offer wedding packages. If we went to Sandals in Antigua we would have the free wedding package.

bluemtnlady · December 2011

It's your wedding, you do what YOU want. It may sound mean, but it's not your grandmother's (or family's) "day", it's yours. I totally understand that you want to make everybody happy (I still go there sometimes!), but try to think 10 years from now. Would you be happier if you went to a JOP with your family there or Antigua? Which would truly put a smile on your face to remember? Because you don't want to think "I wish I had done it this way or that...". Maybe another option for you is instead of having two "ceremonies", the whole kit-n-kaboodle, have your destination wedding, then when you come home have your pastor, or whomever, to bless your marriage with your g-ma there, or do it vice versa. I know it essentially is still two ceremonies, but I think that might be your your middle road. You and your FI are the two getting married, so you guys do what y'all want.

ootmother2 · December 2011

I think that under the circumstances, including a special ceremony for Gram would be okay. You're very sweet to consider her feelings here.

Probably not 100% correct etiquette but sometimes other things must come first.

afink986 · December 2011

I'm not going to have a bridal shower w/ gifts ( I know that's not apporpriate if I were to elope), reception, bach party, etc. But if we were to have a little party w/ immediate family & close friends after eloping (if we decide to do this), it wouldn't be anything big (no gifts, no wedding dress as I said before), just something to celebrate our marriage. This would probably take place at our home or maybe we would all just go out to our favorite restaurant. I don't mean I'd have 2 full blown wedding ceremonies with a dress, flowers, etc. I meant more what bluemtnlady had said, like a blessing or something like that. Or maybe at our 1 year anniversary we could just do a vow renewal? Or should you be married longer than 1 year before doing a renewal of vows? I agree about not having 2 weddings & receptions. I'm just trying to think of ways to make them feel included somehow if they're not able to be there for our wedding. I just hate that people will be disappointed no matter what I choose.

afink986 · December 2011

CMGr, you said that many people in your family have eloped.Did you? Did they (or you) regret it later? I know everyone is different & have different reasons for how they go about getting married. I'm just really struggling with what to do. Especially since my mom passed away I feel like I have to be with my family when I get married. And a big part of me wants that. I kind of feel that since my mom isn't with us & never had the chance to see me get married that I owe it to her in some way to be with my family on this day. I'm also very close with my grandma. But, on the other hand, I feel it would be a bit easier/cheaper to just elope. And the idea of such an intimate ceremony on the beach sounds beautiful to me. I just keep going round & round in my head about this! And thanks everyone for your advice so far!

almost-a-bride · December 2011

Why would it have To be at the JOP if you stayed here? You could do a really small church wedding and a small brunch reception. I would skip the JOP. If it were me, I would have a small ceremony and reception here, then after, you and your husband fly to Antigua. In Antigua have your hubby and you write "promises" or or a letter or Poem to each other and recite them to each other on the beach at sunset (so not necessarily vows, but just sweet words). I would even hire a photographer to capture it. But again, I would just keep the second part for you and your husband. That way you have your friends and family witnessing your marriage and celebrating with you, an then you can have the alone intimate time with your husband on the beach. I do think that because of your family situation, you should really have them at your wedding. I am sure it means so much to your grandmother.

Grits8812 · December 2011

It sounds to me like it is most important to you that your family be with you. I say save up and have a wedding (doesn't have to be big) with your family where you live. It may be more expensive, but I don't think you will regret it. You obviously want your gramma to be there when you get married, and if she can't travel, make sure the wedding is somewhere that she can be.

venelson2012 · December 2011

As pp said, it looks like your family is really important for you, so I would said just get married in a simple ceremony and go to Antigua with your husband and have that...you can do a simple ceremony in your backyard as you suggested without spending a fortune and have your beach retreat afterwards.

REALLY need some advice!

Re: REALLY need some advice!

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