photos for those of you with divorced parents

cbear215 · July 2012

I was just curious if you are doing photos with both your parents? Both mine are (basically) remarried although my dad is still pretty bitter about the divorce. I mentioned to my mom doing pictures with her and my dad, and my sister and she didn't understand why I wanted one. Her comment was, "but we aren't a family anymore." But it's still my family. Anyway, I was just curious about what anyone in a similar situation is going to do? Pics with both parents if they're divorced? Both parents plus their current S/Os?

tamrahelmer · July 2012

This has been something I've been thinking about for a long time. My parents are still together, but FI parents are divorced and remarried. His parents don't like each other, but they say they will be civilized about it. I'm thinking that it will be up to FI on what he wants picture wise - if he wants a pic with both his parents together, or with all of them together or each couple that is now married.

AEPerpete · July 2012

I am in a similar boat.
Parents divorced for 6 or 7 years now, and still can't stand eachother. I think I might have just a few pics of us together with my sister and H, because as you said, they are my family. If they really don't want to do it, then I can't make them, but that's what I'd like.

As for their SO's, I will include them in the overall family picture (of all my extended family, doing mom and dads sides seperately of course) but that will probably be it (aka no dad + gf+ H+ me pics, and same for my mom)

Really, as long as you try to be inclusive as much as possible, that's really all you can do,

Good luck with all future split fam problems/issues!

fishinflagrl · July 2012

I'm not in this situation, thankfully. But I had a friend who was. She had her parents get over it for the pictures. Like you said, they are still her family, so it is important. If I were in the situation, I would most definitely want a pic with my mom and my dad. As for the SO's. As PP said, my friend included them in one pic with her mom and then her dad, one all together and then as a large group pic with other extended family. Hope everything goes well.

mpjf1001 · July 2012

FI's parents are not together, still married but FFIL has a girlfriend and two daughters and we are not fond of them but invited them so we didnt have to deal with any drama!

We will be taking family pictures and since they arent family, they will not be in my pictures!
They are amicable to eachother so we will take a picture with both of them and thats it.

It may sound selfish or bitchy to exclude them, but idk if FFIL plans on ever divorcing FI's mom and getting remarried, etc or where they will be down the road and i dont want to look back at my pictures 20 years from now and see them there! Plus a whole bunch of other crap id rather not get into!

semay23 · July 2012

My parents have been divorced since 1997 and still refuse to speak with each other. I don't have to deal with this at my wedding since my mother and her boyfriend won't be attending, BUT a couple weeks before I graduated college, I laid down the law. I explained that this was MY day and that there was to be no bickering, smart aleck, or rude comments. If either of them felt compelled, they could leave. Then, I told them that I was going to have a family photo of all 5 (mom, dad, me, two sisters) of us together. They both flipped out, but I told them again that it was MY day, I was making the rules, and they could leave if it bothered them. I agree with you. They may not be married to each other, but that doesn't change the fact that they will ALWAYS be my mom and dad.

However, if my mom had chosen to come to the wedding I was going to do the following:
Entire family (all five of us)
Me and Dad
Me and Mom
Me and Mom and live-in-boyfriend

Had my dad been in a long term relationship, I would have done a "Me and Dad and girlfriend" picture as well.

LDubHawksFan · July 2012

My parents have been divorced for over 20 years now....so they are far more civil than when I was a child. Last year at my brother's graduation from guard training, we took several pictures, including with my mom and dad on either side of all three of us kids, so that was quite a milestone. I have one more level of awkwardness though; my mom remarried and divorced our stepdad a few years ago. My brothers and I are still very close to him though. My dad has already said he is ok when I asked him if I could split the father daughter dance with him and my step dad. My parents will be taking a picture together along with my brothers on my wedding day, and frankly, they may not realize now, but we are going to have one mashed up, messed up family picture with my dad, mom, brothers, stepdad and step siblings....because that is my family.

You should approach both parents by telling them how much it would mean to you to have a picture of you all together on your wedding day. Don't make it an option. Your mom can be on one side of the couple, and dad on the other side, but they are grown adults and can stand in the same area for 30 seconds. I get really sick of parents disregarding the feelings of their children in these sort of situations; we didn't get to choose having a split up family....

Edit: I didn't add my list at first, and since you asked specifically about it:

FI, me & mom (I would make all of these the same, plus an extra pic w/ their SO)
FI, me & dad
FI, me & step dad
FI, me, mom & dad
FI, me, mom, dad, bros
FI, me, step dad, bros & step siblings
The whole hodge podge

achiduck · July 2012

FI's parents are divorced but *relatively* amicable (althougth FSMIL will probably be difficult). I think it'll be ok if we only ask for a small number of pictures with both of them in the photo.

CarolineandDean · July 2012

My parents have been divorced for some time, and have zero contact with each other. Plus, my mom is remarried, and my dad isn't dating anyone, so I feel like this adds to the awkwardness. If they can suck it up, I plan on getting the following pics:

FI's parents, FI, me, Dad, Mom, Stepdad

Stepdad, Mom, FI, Dad, Sister (MOH)

Stepdad, Mom, FI, Me, Sister

Dad, FI, Me, Sister

jenny&will2014 · July 2012

My FI's parents are both remarried and step mom can be VERY bipolar and so you never know what she will be ok with or not. She think mom hates her but mom wouldnt hurt a fly so i am not sure what we are going to do either. good luck!!

SomethingBeautiful08 · July 2012

FH's parents have been divorced most of his life and while they don't have any contact with each other directly, I've been told that they are civil, but I won't push them. I will insist on one big group shot... i.e my parents, all of his parents our sibling and my nephew, beyond that it will be what ever FH wants within reason. We have already warned our photographer that this gets complicated in that both his mom and step mom raised him so he will call both of the just "Mom" without thinking. We will have to use first name prefixes to keep everyone straight.

nani1012 · July 2012

I haven't fully figured it out. My parents are still married after 36 years, but FIs are divorced (FFIL is remarried and FMIL is dating a great guy). They can act civil around each other (they did for their youngest son's graduation a few years ago), but I know it was an ugly divorce. I have to talk to FI and the parents to figure out what pics they want to have. I know that I'm having each parent host their own table at the reception.

schnugglebug · July 2012

My dad is remarried... and My mom has NO problems having pictures of him me and her (being my mother) but does not want one of My Step mom, me her and dad...

She has a bfnd... but I don't like him much... nice guy and all I suppose... but I certainly don't want one of her and her bfnd... and dad and his wife together AWKWARD!!!

Luckily my Photogrpaher has dealt with many situations as these and can tactfully and profesionally guide us!

photos for those of you with divorced parents

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