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Would you look else where?

SunriseAmberSunriseAmber member
500 Comments 25 Love Its Second Anniversary
in Snarky Brides
A few minutes ago my boss was talking to my coworker and they were talking about eatting chocolate or her eatting chocolate. I'm not too sure because I couldn't hear what they were saying but I smiled when they started laughing. My boss (the GM, high up in the company) looks at me and says "What are you smiling about? When is the las time YOU'VE seen a size 6? Don't be a smartass!". I didn't say anything because I was in shock. I am over weight and started feeling very bad about myelf immediatly.

I've been eatting healthier and going to the gym and even lost some weight but now I feel like whats the point? I'm so hurt by this. I feel like my job is full of bullies that I didn't even come across in high school. They are so much worse here. This isn't the first time like this something has happened but with a different boss.

I want to look for another job over this. Do you think I'm over reacting and acting childish? Or do you think I am justified in seeking different employment? One reason I'm hesistant is because this job pays well and lets me work over time. I have no degree and not much experience doing anything else other than cashier work. I don't think I can make the same doing cashier work.

Opinions?

ETA  - spelling
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Re: Would you look else where?

  • Girlie1030Girlie1030 member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited February 2012
    That is harassment.  Do you have an HR department or any place this guy can be reported?

    Edit, spelling
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  • SarahPLizSarahPLiz member
    10000 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_would-you-look-else-where?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:f64059b8-7b4b-42fa-b163-a433b5aacc07Post:388ea488-3e34-4409-81f5-ba4836866f03">Re: Would you look else where?</a>:
    [QUOTE]That is harassment.  Do you have an HR department or any place this guy can be reported? Edit, spelling
    Posted by Girlie1030[/QUOTE]
    Um, this. Don't be a pushover FFS. Report them and stand up for yourself. 
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  • SunriseAmberSunriseAmber member
    500 Comments 25 Love Its Second Anniversary
    edited February 2012
    I wish I could. The company is very small. Maybe 31 people total. His position is basically right under the owner of the company and the owner is the exact same way. Reporting it to HR would get me no where except maybe more bullying.

    ETA: Which is why I feel like my only two options are either A.Deal with it, let it go, and move on. or B.Look for a different job.
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  • LetsHikeTodayLetsHikeToday member
    2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    I would talk to someone in HR. You shouldn'tvhave to find a new job because of some rude comments. I'm sorry he said that to you. That's terrible.
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  • ElleB87ElleB87 member
    1000 Comments
    If you don't have an HR department then go to your labour board.  What he said is 100% unacceptable. And yes, I would probably start looking for a new job.
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  • seesawgirlseesawgirl member
    100 Comments
    I'm would speak to HR. I'm fairly certain that consitutes as harrassment. 
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  • chirpchirpchirpchirp member
    500 Comments
    edited February 2012
    Wow, that's awful.  I'm sorry.  There's no way I would put up with something like that and would do everything in my power to make sure they understood I'm not one to be talked to that way.  Stand up for yourself- no one, including you, deserves that kind of treatment.

    ETA: I would only leave after I made sure the situation was taken care of and they were dealt with.  I wouldn't want them to think I was leaving because I was running scared- that just perpetuates their behavior.
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  • chelseamb11chelseamb11 member
    2500 Comments Third Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_would-you-look-else-where?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:f64059b8-7b4b-42fa-b163-a433b5aacc07Post:ba293084-0b76-4475-9135-3cb64bd6b8b8">Re: Would you look else where?</a>:
    [QUOTE]It doesn't matter how small the company is.  They are still obligated to provide a harrassment-free workplace.  
    Posted by jcbsjr[/QUOTE]

    This.  It is illegal for them to not follow up on it.  At a minimum, let your boss know how you felt about the comment and ask him to not do it again.  But I agree that it's harassment.  You have every right to report it.

    *hugs* I'm so sorry that he said that! What an asshole!
     
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  • SunriseAmberSunriseAmber member
    500 Comments 25 Love Its Second Anniversary
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_would-you-look-else-where?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:f64059b8-7b4b-42fa-b163-a433b5aacc07Post:07c77d25-ed5c-4a31-b4ea-eec1cfb33a6e">Re: Would you look else where?</a>:
    [QUOTE]<a href="http://www.eeoc.gov/" rel="nofollow">http://www.eeoc.gov/</a> If you can't report your owner/supervisor to themselves (if that makes sense) then I would consult with the EEOC.
    Posted by jcbsjr[/QUOTE]

    Thank you! I will check into this. That is exactly what I'm talking about. I'd basically be reporting it to him.
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  • Girlie1030Girlie1030 member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    And make sure you document today's asshole comment and any others that are made - date, time & what exactly was said. 
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  • BecW2beBecW2be
    5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    What an enormous fuckhead. I'm so sorry he said that to you. I'd blast into his office, make a list of all his shortcomings, explain each of them in detail, and waltz out. But I'm hotheaded like that. I'd definiltely call the labor board and start looking for something else.
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  • ricksangricksang member
    10000 Comments Combo Breaker
    Amber I am sorry you had to deal with comments like that. I like Bec's idea but I'd have a job lined up first :)
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  • SunriseAmberSunriseAmber member
    500 Comments 25 Love Its Second Anniversary
    I seriously wish I had cofidence like you ladies. Maybe once I get into shape I will.  But thank you for your support!
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  • BecW2beBecW2be
    5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    Getting in shape won't give you confidence. Find the confidence inside yourself rather than outside. A skinny ass doesn't give you confidence, standing up for yourself and taking care of piss ants like him does. There's your life lesson today.
    Report Reply
  • xyriusxyrius
    1000 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_would-you-look-else-where?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:f64059b8-7b4b-42fa-b163-a433b5aacc07Post:a7b2ab52-42df-4266-ba20-e735df9536fc">Re: Would you look else where?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I wish I could. The company is very small. Maybe 31 people total. His position is basically right under the owner of the company and the owner is the exact same way. Reporting it to HR would get me no where except maybe more bullying. ETA: Which is why I feel like my only two options are either A.Deal with it, let it go, and move on. or B.Look for a different job.
    Posted by SunriseAmber[/QUOTE]

    I understand the predicament you are in, believe me.  I would move on (look for another job).
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  • Girlie1030Girlie1030 member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_would-you-look-else-where?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:f64059b8-7b4b-42fa-b163-a433b5aacc07Post:bd398869-dbc6-474b-b870-9d2852ece41e">Re: Would you look else where?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Getting in shape won't give you confidence. Find the confidence inside yourself rather than outside. A skinny ass doesn't give you confidence, standing up for yourself and taking care of piss ants like him does. There's your life lesson today.
    Posted by BecW2be[/QUOTE]

    This! 
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  • barbara1312barbara1312 member
    Seventh Anniversary 10 Comments

    Wow, I'm sorry your boss is a bullying jerk.  I would be tempted to go back to him and tell him why you were smiling but couldn't reply earlier because you were in shock at how rude, inappropriate, and probably illegal his remark was.  Or maybe send it in an email so it is in writing.
     
    As PP said, please document this incident and any that follow.  I know it is easier said than done to report it, but you shouldn't have to tolerate bullying at work and if it continues it will help when you report it if things are documented.

    Again, I'm sorry this happened to you.

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  • kd.josephkd.joseph
    5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_would-you-look-else-where?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:f64059b8-7b4b-42fa-b163-a433b5aacc07Post:bd398869-dbc6-474b-b870-9d2852ece41e">Re: Would you look else where?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Getting in shape won't give you confidence. Find the confidence inside yourself rather than outside. A skinny ass doesn't give you confidence, standing up for yourself and taking care of piss ants like him does. There's your life lesson today.
    Posted by BecW2be[/QUOTE]

    This! So much this!

    Wow, what a d!ckwad. Sorry he said those things to you. Take JCB's advice call that number and document everything.

    I would have told him I can lose weight, but he'll always be an a$$wipe!
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  • SunriseAmberSunriseAmber member
    500 Comments 25 Love Its Second Anniversary
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_would-you-look-else-where?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:f64059b8-7b4b-42fa-b163-a433b5aacc07Post:bd398869-dbc6-474b-b870-9d2852ece41e">Re: Would you look else where?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Getting in shape won't give you confidence. Find the confidence inside yourself rather than outside. A skinny ass doesn't give you confidence, standing up for yourself and taking care of piss ants like him does. There's your life lesson today.
    Posted by BecW2be[/QUOTE]

    I've never had any one say anything like this to me ever. It really made me want to cry, in a good way. I need to start working on myself. Thank you so much.
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  • BecW2beBecW2be
    5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    You're welcome. :) I just think if you would say it as a size 6, you should say it as a size ____. Don't let people put you down like that. You are still Amber, no matter what size you are. And Amber doesn't deserve that shiit. Do something about it. <3
    Report Reply
  • 2010Bride2be2010Bride2be
    500 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_would-you-look-else-where?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:f64059b8-7b4b-42fa-b163-a433b5aacc07Post:a7b2ab52-42df-4266-ba20-e735df9536fc">Re: Would you look else where?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I wish I could. The company is very small. Maybe 31 people total. His position is basically right under the owner of the company and the owner is the exact same way. Reporting it to HR would get me no where except maybe more bullying. ETA: Which is why I feel like my only two options are either A.Deal with it, let it go, and move on. or B.Look for a different job.
    Posted by SunriseAmber[/QUOTE]

    Honey, you need to stand up for yourself. Do not sit there and allow them to
    bully your or disrespect you.

    I understand where you're coming from in regards to working for a small company. I do as well. However, just because they are a small company doesn't give them the right to bully you. Hell, find a flaw with each and every one of them and when they throw an insult at you, throw one right back.
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  • LetsHikeTodayLetsHikeToday member
    2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_would-you-look-else-where?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:f64059b8-7b4b-42fa-b163-a433b5aacc07Post:bd398869-dbc6-474b-b870-9d2852ece41e">Re: Would you look else where?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Getting in shape won't give you confidence. Find the confidence inside yourself rather than outside. A skinny ass doesn't give you confidence, standing up for yourself and taking care of piss ants like him does. There's your life lesson today.
    Posted by BecW2be[/QUOTE]



    This exactly.

    I struggled with weight and kept thinking if I could lose the weight, everything would be great. Life would finally be in order and I'd have confidence. It didn't work and just ended up becoming an eating disorder. Love yourself for being amber.

    Feel free to PM me if you ever need to talk.
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  • kd.josephkd.joseph
    5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_would-you-look-else-where?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:f64059b8-7b4b-42fa-b163-a433b5aacc07Post:e47938bd-b9e6-4144-81d2-97e9ee85308a">Re: Would you look else where?</a>:
    [QUOTE]You're welcome. :) I just think if you would say it as a size 6, you should say it as a size ____. Don't let people put you down like that. You are still Amber, no matter what size you are. And Amber doesn't deserve that shiit. Do something about it. <3
    Posted by BecW2be[/QUOTE]

    You are the best, do you know this? <3
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  • Smash AdamsSmash Adams member
    500 Comments Third Anniversary 5 Love Its
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_would-you-look-else-where?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:f64059b8-7b4b-42fa-b163-a433b5aacc07Post:e47938bd-b9e6-4144-81d2-97e9ee85308a">Re: Would you look else where?</a>:
    [QUOTE]You're welcome. :) I just think if you would say it as a size 6, you should say it as a size ____. Don't let people put you down like that. You are still Amber, no matter what size you are. And Amber doesn't deserve that shiit. Do something about it. <3
    Posted by BecW2be[/QUOTE]
    Dear Bec,<div>
    </div><div>This post, and some things you've said to me, make me love you and think you are awesome.</div><div>
    </div><div>The end.</div><div>
    </div><div>P.S., Amber, I would report it to the labor board, but I would probably also start looking, personally.</div>
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    "Smash's balls are the biggest balls of them all." -AATB

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  • froggatt.clarefroggatt.clare
    100 Comments
    His behavior was so inappropriate.  OPs are completely wise.  This needs to be reported to HR or your unior or whatever path to reporting you have.  Not just for you.  If he says things like this to you, just imagine what he might say to other people.  If his behavior keeps being swept under the rug, no one will know and he will continue.  That's what happens to bullies, their strength lies in people not standing up to them.

    I really hope you find strength from this discussion.  You seem like a very nice person, and no one deserves that type of treatment.  Stay strong!
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  • soontobemrsepsoontobemrsep
    100 Comments

    oh. my. god.
    I'm late to this thread obviously.. but as somebody in HR, do NOT put up with this. You are entitled to a safe workplace free of that kind of stuff.  I'm not sure if you have something similar in Florida, but in Wisconsin we have the Department of Workforce Development where you can file complaints. Otherwise, please go to the eeoc. This is the most appalling thing I have ever heard of from a person in that kind of position. His remarks are a lawsuit waiting to happen.

    Do not listen to what this horrible person said, and please do not take it to heart. He obviously has a complete lack of knowledge on basic common courtesy or sense.

    Kuddos to you for not punching him or reacting in that sort of way. I probably would have lost my mind and told him to go fly a kite and to have fun replacing me and dealing with the upcoming mess he's going to have from making such a horrible remark.

    Please don't let this man continue on in his position without saying something to somebody about his behavior.

    If you need any help in regards to updating your resume or interviewing or whatever, PM me and I'd be more than happy to help.

    Stay strong!!!

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  • missy68missy68
    5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    I\n Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_would-you-look-else-where?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:f64059b8-7b4b-42fa-b163-a433b5aacc07Post:8e9d7061-3e0f-4536-bc2b-9821be07c03a">Re: Would you look else where?</a>:
    [QUOTE]What an enormous fuckhead. I'm so sorry he said that to you. I'd blast into his office, make a list of all his shortcomings, explain each of them in detail, and waltz out. But I'm hotheaded like that. I'd definiltely call the labor board and start looking for something else.
    Posted by BecW2be[/QUOTE]

    Damn, Bec. Where were you in December? :) I could've used you!
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    I love you Missy. Even though you are not smart enough to take online quizzes to find out really important information. ~cew
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  • polichikpolichik member
    2500 Comments
    Oh my gosh, I'm in absolute shock. I'm about I go back to work, so I only read the OP, but I'm enraged in your behalf. What your coworker did was unacceptable, and if management doesn't fire or at least severely reprimand him, I'd be looking to go elsewhere. You deserve so much better than that. Ohmygodwhatadouche!!! Ok I have to run, but I'm coming back later to read the whole thread.
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    Planning!.....Married!
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  • angelsong21angelsong21 member
    1000 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_would-you-look-else-where?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:f64059b8-7b4b-42fa-b163-a433b5aacc07Post:80dc19a6-b978-468c-861b-d82f63ed6b48">Re: Would you look else where?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Would you look else where? : This exactly. I struggled with weight and kept thinking if I could lose the weight, everything would be great. Life would finally be in order and I'd have confidence. It didn't work and just ended up becoming an eating disorder. Love yourself for being amber. Feel free to PM me if you ever need to talk.
    Posted by LetsHikeToday[/QUOTE]

    This is exactly what happened to me too.  "Just 5 more lbs and I'll be confident and happy!"  Yeah... it didn't work out well.  Not at all.

    PP is right -- confidence isn't derived from your weight.  You need to find it within yourself.  You deserve to believe in yourself!
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  • BecW2beBecW2be
    5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_would-you-look-else-where?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:f64059b8-7b4b-42fa-b163-a433b5aacc07Post:a260ac30-f1e6-4244-b1e2-5fd4c219e135">Re: Would you look else where?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Would you look else where? : Dear Bec, This post, and some things you've said to me, make me love you and think you are awesome. The end. P.S., Amber, I would report it to the labor board, but I would probably also start looking, personally.
    Posted by Smash Adams[/QUOTE]

    <div>Aw, I love you too. :) And you're pretty awesome yourself, ya know. You're totally kicking shitty life circumstances in the ass, and you're keeping your senses about you and doing it with grace and style. I really admire you for that. </div>
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